


Scarred Souls

by Silverlightning



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-28 21:24:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 71,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10839732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverlightning/pseuds/Silverlightning
Summary: A fateful encounter in a dark hallway forced Severus Snape to look at Harry with different eyes. He learned Harry’s darkest secret and realized that he is the only one who can help the boy.  Despite everything that had happened between them in the past the potions master decided to save the boy, after all he knew what it was like to live with a scarred soul.





	1. Rescue me

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: A huge thanks to the amazing PeppermintJoker for giving fantastic writing advice, finding plot holes and correcting general mistakes!
> 
> Trigger warning: keep out an eye for the trigger warning that appears in the text around the Rape/Non-Con scene. The scene is non descriptive but do not read it if it makes you uncomfortable.

Hogwarts was shrouded in darkness and silence. The lanterns along the many walls were only dimly lit and causing the massive stone pillars to cast long shadows in the eerie light. It was way past bedtime; the sky outside the big windows had already turned dark, only sprinkled with the faint light of stars millions of light-years away. The long hallways were empty and the staircases had stopped moving for the night. The students had gone to sleep hours ago and even the members of the staff had put their quills aside to finally get some rest after a long day. There was one boy who fought to stay awake by walking through hallway after hallway, passing empty classrooms with abandoned books and cauldrons. There was something spooky about seeing a place that usually is full of life and laughter abandoned and Harry felt as if he could almost touch the emptiness.

”Potter!”  
A booming voice rang, stopping the boy who was shuffling along the corridor in his tracks.He looked back over his shoulder, but the hallway was obscured in shadows. Despite the lack of light, Harry knew exactly whose voice shattered the silence only seconds ago. Harry sighed and balled his hands into fists in frustration. Wandering the castle past curfew was against the rules and Harry was pretty sure that the man behind him would not let that offence slide so easily.

A tall, slim figure stepped out of the shadows in one fluid motion, his long black robes almost giving the impression that he was floating towards Harry, who was clad in his faded pj bottoms and the oversized reindeer jumper he had gotten as a Christmas present from Hermione. Only the faint echo of soft steps indicated that the man was indeed walking and not floating. Harry turned around to face his teacher, knowing that the satisfied expression in the other’s eyes wasn’t a good sign at all.

“Professor Snape.” Harry's voice sounded loud in the empty hallway even though he had spoken without force, his voice tinged by resignation. The eerie light and the shadows emphasized the man’s black eyes in the otherwise pale face.

“By the guilty look on your face, I assume that you know that it is way past curfew and you shouldn’t be wandering around,” the professor sneered, his head slightly tilted as if he was studying an interesting but annoying insect. The professor’s tone was condescending and his expression cold. His lips were pressed together in a thin line and one eyebrow rose as if to dare Harry to come up with a witty remark. Harry was fresh out of witty remarks and reasonable explanations so he just looked at the man silently. He would get detention for breaking the rules no matter what he said. This wasn’t new; it was almost comforting in its familiarity. Harry had been caught breaking rules by the professor countless times and had suffered long hours of detention involving scrubbing dirty cauldrons or organizing potion ingredients.

Harry nodded, compliance and surrender written all over his face for a couple of seconds before it changed into a neutral expression. He knew what would happen so well, like one who would know the steps to a complicated dance that had been danced a thousand times; the same partners going through the same motions until they lost their meaning.

“Lumos,” Severus Snape lit his wand and held it close to Harry's face, who had to close his eyes because of the sudden brightness.  
“Why are you wandering around at night? Let me guess,” Snape paused and a faint smile changed his features, “you are up to something, aren’t you?”

“No professor, I don’t--”

“Potter, don’t waste my time with your stupid lies!” Snape narrowed his eyes slightly and looked at the boy’s hunched shoulders and the dark circles under Harry’s eyes.

The bravado that the boy usually displayed was nowhere to be found and he almost looked sad and exhausted. The professor mentally noted all the changes in the boy’s appearance, from the gloomy pale skin to the slim stature and bright green eyes behind the ugly glasses. The professor was highly suspicious because the teen had a long history of breaking rules, getting himself and his group of friends in trouble. Seeing Harry by himself was odd and the teacher was sure he was missing something important. Harry had been quiet the last couple of days, not participating in the usual roughhousing between Gryffindors and Slytherins nor had he been bragging about his Quidditch team at dinner as usual. From Snape's place at the headmaster's table he had noticed the change in behavior as well as the still full plates of food that returned untouched to the kitchen. The professor kept an eye on this particular boy from time to time, just to make sure that he wouldn’t get himself or other students killed. As it seemed, Harry put very little thought into his own safety. Another part of Harry's personality that reminded the teacher of his old enemy and Harry's father, James.

The professor looked around and realized that they were standing only a few steps away from the storage room he usually kept the more expensive and rare potion ingredients. Snape frowned and took another look at the boy who was a picture of guilt with his hunched shoulders and the way he avoided eye contact at any cost.

“Elderroot”, the professor whispered, seeing rows and rows of jars in his storage room before his mind’s eye. Only this morning he had discovered that the jar with Elderroot was missing, which was especially irritating because it was hard to come by at this time of year. He had immediately suspected theft because of the drug-like qualities of the expensive herb. Could the boy somehow be involved?

The professor mentally added the fact that Harry was out and about at night to his odd and changed behavior. These could be interpreted as signs of abusing the herb and Harry certainly wouldn’t be the first wizard to turn to Elderroot. Snape had the storage room warded, but he was pretty sure that if the boy had asked the right questions to unsuspecting staff he would have been able to deactivate it. Harry was certainly not the smartest student or the most powerful amongst them, but his own way of doing things often resulted in him outsmarting many others. So it could be possible that he was the thief and meeting Harry in the dark hallway only a few yards from the room made it even plausible. 

“What?” Harry stammered, confusion and fear dimming his otherwise bright eyes. Harry had not the slightest idea what the professor was talking about, but he knew that he was in a lot of trouble, not only for being out after curfew. So much he could read in the older man’s dark eyes. Harry's friends often complained that the teacher was hard to read, his face like a stone mask not revealing anything helpful to a student in trouble. Harry could never quite agree because in his opinion the other man conveyed a whole lot through his eyes. They always seemed to shift slightly in color, sometimes they just seemed darker, his gaze almost burning as it followed Harry. Now Snape's eyes were narrowed, as if he was analyzing a complicated problem. Harry rubbed his scar absentmindedly, trying to think of something that he could say to his teacher. 

“You stole it, didn’t you?” Snape's voice was colored by anger but underneath he almost sounded disappointed.

Harry's eyes widened and he automatically took a couple steps back, his heart thumping painfully at this serious accusation. Breaking house rules were one thing, but stealing could mean that he would get expelled, especially if the teacher discovering it decided to formally request it. Harry licked his chapped lips, all of a sudden anxious.  
Snape shook his head in disapproval and reached out to grab Harry by his wrists. He would not tolerate any attempt at flight to the Gryffindor dorms so that Harry could get help from his annoying friends or even worse McGonagall. It was potion ingredients that got stolen and he was the one who had found a suspect which gave him formally the right to decide on the boy’s punishment if he found out that Harry was guilty. Something he planned to enjoy very much.

“No, I haven’t stolen anything. I never steal. Please, believe me.”

Harry sounded pathetic and he knew it. He tried to convince himself that he was a Gryffindor, brave and strong, but his inner voice failed miserably. Getting caught in a dark hallway, past curfew by the person who probably hated him the most of all the people currently in the castle and being accused of theft by said person had his courage disappearing in seconds.  
Harry hadn’t slept for days and he couldn’t even remember the last meal he had. He was exhausted and too tired to come up with a plausible explanation as to why he was in that hallway, but the truth was that he had none. Only insomnia and nightmares.

Snape's cold hand gripped Harry's wrist tight, Harry could feel the long slender fingers close around his bones. His head swam and he inhaled sharply, sudden fear sending a cold shiver down his spine.

“You know that it is futile to lie to me. I am able to get the truth in matter of seconds. Of course it is frowned upon to subject students to such powerful magic however, on the other hand, one has to expect trouble if one wanders dark hallways at night.” The man pointed the still illuminated wand at Harry's head, his lips forming inaudible words. 

Harry felt the wooden tip of the wand grazing the skin on his temple and swallowed repeatedly as the man stepped even closer. He could feel the professor’s breath on his cheek, warm on his cold skin. Harry could smell a hint of peppermint and something earthy, probably coffee or tobacco. A surprisingly pleasant smell, which added to Harry's confusion and tied his tongue into knots. Harry knew what Snape was planning on doing and a jolt of panic doubled his heartbeat.Before Harry was able to beg his teacher to stop the scenery around him changed and he was back in his latest nightmare, the one he had fled from by walking the endless hallways of the giant castle. Walking was better than dreaming. 

\----TRIGGER WARNING-----

Harry shut his eyes tightly and bit his lips in an attempt not to scream. He was thankful for the darkness embracing him, even though he still felt everything. It was in moments like this he wished not only to be blind, but deaf and mute as well. He balled his hands into fists, pressing his nails into his palms until a wet sensation told him that he had drawn blood. He only pressed harder, causing pain to shoot from his hand and distract him momentarily. He focused on the pain, concentrated on the blood running down his hands. The distraction only lasted a second until he got pulled back to reality when hot breath hit his stomach and a low moan made him shudder in repulsion.He fought to stay focused on the pain in his hand, but couldn’t as something wet and rough swept over his belly. Harry felt saliva dry on the exposed skin on his lower belly and his stomach churned painfully. Harry made no sound while a scared voice in his mind screamed and screamed and screamed. Suddenly he got yanked by his legs and flipped over, his upper body hitting the cold floor with a thud followed by a louder one as Harry bumped his head painfully. Harry felt disorientated for a moment, his head pulsed in painful waves that made it difficult for him to keep track of everything that happened around him.Strong hands gripped his legs again, forcing him to bend his knees. Harry struggled for breath and put his hands on the floor but it was almost impossible to hold his body upright, the blood seeping from his hands made the floor slippery. The metallic smell of his own blood hit his nostrils and chased away the odor of the man who was now leaning over him, his hands wandering over Harry’s body like he owned him; touching exposed skin and repeatedly licking Harry’s ear.  
Harry felt the cold air on his exposed skin and he shuddered with every unwanted touch. He tried to breathe through his mouth to avoid the smell of sickeningly sweet aftershave and sweat combined with bodily fluids. Harry’s knees hurt from kneeling on the stone floor and he tried to focus on that particular pain, ignoring everything else that happened to his body. Silent tears stained his cheeks and hands, but no sound escaped his lips. He knew if he was silent and compliant he could at least avoid being beaten so badly that he wouldn’t be able to walk for days. He tried not to throw up because he would have to clean it afterwards. Then all thoughts disappeared from his mind as a blinding pain paralyzed him, freezing his body and stopping his heart for several seconds. That’s when he screamed, even though he knew it wouldn’t help him, but he couldn’t handle the pain, couldn’t handle the feeling of being ripped apart. As the other man invaded his body he also invaded Harry’s mind, calling him the most ugly things. His mind slipped away, trying to escape the reality of excruciating pain tormenting his body but he got pulled back by the man’s hands and words over and over again. Every breath Harry took was a struggle, a fight against the voice inside his mind telling him that it would be so much easier if he just let go and stopped breathing. He held his breath, tired of fighting to survive and the pain that filled his body slowly ebbed away leaving nothing but numbness in its wake. 

\-----TRIGGER WARNING ENDS----

 

Suddenly everything went quiet, dark,and numb, and Harry embraced the darkness with relief. Harrys body shook violently for a second before he slowly sank to the ground. The potions master was able to stop Harry’s fall in the last second, throwing his arms around the boy’s limp body.

Severus Snape kneeled on the stone floor, holding Harry in his arms. He stared in shock at the familiar features now contorted in pain and horror. The sounds Harry had made only seconds ago didn’t sound human, and they were for sure no sounds that should ever escape a child’s mouth. Snape's own mouth felt dry and his hands were covered in cold sweat, he felt exposed and somehow raw, stripped of his usual sarcasm and bitterness that held the world at a comforting distance. Witnessing images of such horror and experiencing a fraction of the boy's pain left him trembling in blinding rage.

The professor had no idea how he could stumble across such a traumatic memory because he had only used a fraction of his powers to enter the boy’s mind, certain that the lie would be the one thing Harry was thinking about. Snape's plan had been to catch the boy lying, guilty of theft and drug abuse.Entering another person’s mind was a tricky thing which is why teachers weren’t allowed to use it on the students. But since he hadn’t put any power behind the spell he had been sure that he wouldn’t even get farther than what the boy ate for breakfast this morning. 

Entering Harry's mind had felt completely different than entering minds usually felt. Snape didn’t use this specific power a lot; he wasn’t especially interested in other people's petty thoughts or outlook on the world. But if he had to do it, it was only when he needed information he couldn’t come by any other way.The feeling when he entered someone’s mind was best described as if he was caught in gum and had to fight his way through it. A sticky barrier created by the brain to prevent intruders. Of course it never stopped him, just slowed him down at best if the person was powerful enough.

The boy’s features had lost the horrified expression and changed into a calm one. His erratic breathing slowed down until the professor wasn’t even sure Harry was still alive. He put his ear near the boy’s face and the small puffs of air told him that the boy wasn’t in any imminent danger, at least physically.

Harry felt thin in his arms, only skin and bones hiding under the oversized and faded clothes. The professor felt sweat trickle down his spine despite the fact that it wasn’t warm in the hallway and his black robes were thin and silky. Severus Snape recalled the sensation of using the spell on the boy. There was no sticky barrier like he had expected, instead there was the feeling of standing on a cliff and jumping right into the black nothingness underneath. It had only taken the fraction of a second and the professor had found himself in a memory. Inside Harry's mind he was able to see and hear everything that happened in this specific memory, but he could only experience a small amount of the sensations and feelings attached to it. It had been the memory of a nightmare, but the underlying horror and pure animalistic fear told him that this nightmare originated in a real memory, something that had happened to the lifeless boy in his arms.

Bile rose in the teacher’s throat at the thought of what he had seen and the implications of it. He could feel Harry's heartbeat, fast and unsteady as he hugged the boy to his chest. He looked down and studied the face of the boy that provoked in him a myriad of feelings on a daily basis, most of them not necessarily positive. As Harry had grown older and reached his teenage years the boy’s sole appearance had haunted the potions master. The wild mop of hair and chin an exact copy of the person he had hated the most paired with eyes that reminded him of the person he had loved the most. Harry’s appearance and Gryffindor bravado had the professor’s blood boiling on several occasions over the years. He had never paused to look at the boy like he did now, afraid of the memories it would provoke of a long distant past he’d rather forget.

Snape gingerly removed the glasses from Harry's face and put them into his robes pocket. Being inside Harry's memory had somehow made the boy three dimensional, a person in his own right, with his own experiences instead of a shadow of the past. A tremor ran through Harry's body and Snape realized that he had spent far too long staring at the boy truly seeing him for the first time, fighting the pure horror of witnessing what the boy had endured. He needed to get him to a warm and secure place or they both would have a lot to explain if they were found by another member of the staff.

Several minutes later Snape arrived in his rooms, carrying Harry carefully like he was a delicate object made of glass. The room was big, with a green velvet sofa in its center but otherwise sparsely furnitured .A fire was lit in the giant fireplace, crackling merrily and spreading its warmth through the entire room. On a small wooden table next to the sofa sat a teacup, still half filled with cold tea and next to it was a dog eared paperback

Snape gingerly put Harry down on the sofa, making sure the boy was comfortable by picking up a fuzzy blanket and wrapping it around Harry's slim figure. No one would have described the professor as caring or compassionate, but the truth was that he didn’t like to see Hogwarts students in pain, even if said students annoyed him on a daily basis and the professor was well aware that the spell he had used could have serious consequences, especially if you poked at traumatic memories. 

Harry opened his eyes slowly, his head swimming and vision blurry so that he could only make out a pale face with burning black eyes and a prominent nose. The face was so close that their noses almost brushed before it left his field of vision. He felt disoriented, with fear just looming under the surface. He could feel that he was lying somewhere comfortable, soft and plush fabric underneath his body.. The coldness he had felt in the hallway was entirely gone and he was wrapped up in a soft blanket. His body trembled violently despite the warmth and his teeth chattered with every shiver that shook his body. 

“Harry?” A deep man’s voice inquired softly, almost a whisper. Harry realized who the voice belonged to and shut his eyes briefly as he remembered the professor’s wand pointed at his head and only seconds later the feeling of Snape's presence inside his mind. Suddenly he wasn’t alone in his head with the fearful thoughts and memories, someone else could see them as well and Harry had never felt so ashamed in his entire life. Just the thought of the man knowing his deepest and darkest secret made his stomach lurch. Would he tell anyone? Now that the professor, who already hated him for a myriad of reasons, knew that he was dirty-impure-used. Harry didn’t dare open his eyes, worried to see the other man's disgust at what he was forced to witness. Something Harry had tried to hide for such a long time, afraid of seeing people look at him with the same disgust he looked at himself. He wouldn’t be able to stand their intrusive questions nor their pity. 

A sob escaped from the boy, his body shaking and tears staining the pale cheeks.  
Professor Snape sat down next Harry, his hand pausing in the air for several seconds before he laid it gingerly on top of Harry’s smaller one. Currently the man was at loss for words at the boy’s pain and the suffering he had endured. Nothing he could say could make Harry feel better or take away the severity and the wrongness of his own actions. The green eyes looked at him again, clouded by unspeakable pain, the horrors of his past mirrored in their depths.

“I am so very sorry” Snape whispered,unsure whether he was referring to his own forbidden usage of a powerful spell on a student or the events he had witnessed. The words were almost inaudible, forced around a lump in the older man's throat.

Severus Snape wasn’t used to apologizing and it had been quite a long time since he last felt pure compassion for another person. Over the years he found himself growing colder and more indifferent to the sufferings and woes of other people. This however was different, he could still hear the boy's painful cries ringing in his ears and his blood rising in rage at what had happened to an innocent child.

Harry seemed so vulnerable right now, almost dwarfed by the blanket the professor had put around him to keep him warm. Snape felt pure hatred for the man who had done this to the boy and that he could have killed him in a heartbeat if he were to have been in the same room. The professor wasn’t able to see who it was because the memory consisted only of darkness, feelings and sensations, but he immediately guessed who it could have been. Snape knew what it felt like to be at the mercy of a violent man, even if his experiences were nearly harmless compared to what Harry had been through.

Green eyes found his own and for the first time since he had laid eyes on the boy all those years ago, he didn’t think that Harry's eyes looked just like Lily’s. In fact they were quite different, bigger with thick black lashes and golden dots sprinkled across the green of the iris. Eyes that held unspeakable pain and suffering. Harry's eyes, the professor realized, not Lily’s


	2. Chapter 2

Tears welled up in Harry’s eyes, but he repeatedly brushed them away with some force, angry at himself for crying. Snape’s gaze was focused on Harry, forcing the boy to look down at his hands, uncomfortable with the sudden intense eye contact.

“Please, professor, don’t tell anyone about this, I beg you. I know I shouldn’t have been out after curfew, but I haven’t stolen anything and---“

The professor raised his hand to stop Harry and deliberately ignored his plea. The expression on his face was soft and sympathetic. He focused on getting the boy to talk to him. With the little that he had seen he could only help Harry so much. Harry had to swallow around the lump in his throat and his heart clenched at the sight.

“I know that you haven’t stolen anything. Do you want to tell me why you were wandering the cold hallway?” 

Harry bit his lips as the professor ignored his plea. When Harry dared to lift his gaze again he couldn’t see any traces of disgust or disappointment in the other man’s eyes. Harry took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts.

“When I sleep the nightmares start...”  
Harry trailed off hoping that this would suffice as an explanation. He had never talked about this part of his life, and he felt that he wouldn’t survive if the professor asked prying questions about what he had witnessed. Harry just couldn’t allow himself to think about it or form the words because it would bring all the terrifying memories back.

Snape noticed that the boy was trembling and he squeezed the hand he was still gently holding in his. Harry looked down at their hands,surprised, only now realizing that they were intertwined. Harry felt odd at the realization that the professor was offering silent support. Despite all the years of harsh words, detention and fights, he still felt comforted by the gesture. Harry felt like there was no energy left in him to hold onto old grudges. He just wanted to cry but he was afraid that if he gave into the urge fully he would never be able to stop. So, instead he sniffled and wiped a stray tear off his face.

“When did you last have a whole night of undisturbed sleep?” Snape asked, trying to keep the conversation as practical and comfortable as it could be, given the circumstances. Snape reached into his pocket and silently handed over Harry’s glasses. The boy put them on immediately and sighed in relief as the world came into focus. Harry took a deep breath upon realizing that the teacher hadn’t demanded that he’d tell him what happened in detail.

“A couple of days, a week maybe.”  
Snape nodded and stood up, leaving the edge of the sofa where he had been sitting during their conversation.

“Accio tea and teacups!” He waved his wand a couple of times until clamor could be heard from the other room. A huge teapot made of green glass floated through the door, followed by two teacups in matching design. The professor waited until everything was safely positioned on the low table next to the sofa. A minty smell filled the room and the professor stopped and took a deep breath. A small satisfied smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. The smile lingered on Snape's face for a short moment and Harry caught a glimpse of it before the smile disappeared.. Snape returned to the sofa and looked at Harry with an unreadable expression.

“Tea?” He offered.

Harry could only nod, contemplating that it was probably the first time he had seen the professor smile. He should do it more often, Harry thought, because it changed Snape’s features in a surprisingly good way. The man looked nicer, almost friendly. Such a shame that he hid that smile from the world.

“It’s peppermint ” Snape continued, ignoring the silence that had settled in the room.

Harry squinted, and as he watched Snape’s long fingers grasp the cups and put them in the right position and delicately lift the teapot to pour pale brown liquid into the waiting cups. Harry wondered for a brief moment why the professor didn’t use magic to pour the tea, but he shrugged the thought off. Steam rose from the cup the professor gave Harry, who closed his fingers around it.

“The nightmares, do you have them that intense often?” Snape inquired, as if they had never stopped their earlier conversation.

Harry stared into his cup, grateful to have something to hold and to occupy his hands with. 

 

Snape looked at Harry pointedly clearly waiting for an answer to his previous question while he slowly sipped his tea, seemingly not bothered by the fact that it was still hot.

“No, not all the time. I try to not think about it, ever. I keep myself occupied. But term is almost finished….” Harry trailed off, biting his lips until he tasted blood.

The professor looked confused for a couple of seconds until his brain connected the dots which almost confirmed his earlier suspicion regarding the identity of Harry's tormentor. The potions master moved his wand and his cup floated slowly back to the table. He took a step to reach Harry, falling onto his knees and gripping the boy's hand firmly. Harry shied away from the touch and the professor released the boy’s hand, feeling awkward and somehow inadequate at handling this situation.

“Tell me Harry, who did this to you?”  
Harry shook his head repeatedly, pressing one hand over his stomach. He almost doubled over from the sudden headache and the familiar nausea.  
“No, no, no please. I don’t want to talk about this. Go away, please go away!” Harry yelled the last words, tears running down his face. The cup in his other hand almost crashed to the floor, but the professor stopped it just in time with a swift motion of his wand.

Handling emotions had never been the professor’s strong suit, he just stared at the sobbing teen in uncomfortable silence. He wanted to comfort the boy but had no idea how to do that. His life had never been filled with love or care so he had never learned how to show compassion and support. Harry’s crying got louder and more desperate when Snape finally reached out to put his hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry was shaking and the rawness of the emotion touched Snape’s soul in a way he hadn’t thought was still possible. Harry sounded so broken, devastated, and alone. The professor recognized the emotions and he remembered how he had cried just like that when he still had been a young boy, hiding in a corner from his own father, his body hurting from the man’s violent beatings.

“Harry, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me---” the professor insisted, his voice almost breaking under the weight of Harry’s emotions and his own memories. He squeezed Harry’s shoulder to highlight how important this was.

“I can’t….can’t talk about it…I can’t!” Harry stammered, his teeth chattering again. Harry had no control over his body anymore, fear sinking its ugly claws into his heart. Harry had shut the memories of what had happened to him to the deepest darkest corner of his mind but they were slowly seeping through, leaving him crippled by fear and shame. Harry knew logically that he was safe at Hogwarts, but it felt like his tormentor could open the door any minute, ready to assault him again. Horror swept through him with every memory that surfaced and he tried violently to push them away.

“No, no, no, no!” Harry chanted, his head buried in his trembling hands, his words directed at the memories, not at the man still kneeling in front of him.

“You are not alone,” The professor whispered, unsure if he addressed Harry or the crying fearful boy he once had been himself.

Harry was pulled out of the waterfall of memories by a strong hand squeezing his shoulder reassuringly and soft fingertips touching his hand, prying his fingers open to stop Harry from sinking his nails into the soft flesh of his palm. It was a odd yet comforting sensation, standing in total contrast to his memories. Slim cold fingers, not thick sweaty ones, trying to comfort not to hurt. Harry’s earlier discomfort at the other man’s touch had disappeared; he didn’t feel anything but gratefulness towards Snape, who anchored him in reality with his touch.

Snape nodded, understanding how Harry was feeling. He once told Dumbledore about his violent father and the beatings he had suffered from him as a child. He had been an adult by then and the man had been dead a long time, but he had still felt the fear and shame vividly. He could only imagine what Harry was going through. Snape needed to know who sexually assaulted Harry, but he didn’t want to hurt the broken boy any further. Harry needed reassurance and safety not fear and intruding questions, but the professor had no choice but to try to get this information.

“Harry, I understand that you can’t talk about it, but can you show me?” The professor asked this off a hunch, knowing that it was both against the rules and even against common sense. These were extraordinary circumstances though and Snape tried to make this as easy on the boy as possible. He would only do it with Harry’s consent; it was definitely worth a try.

Harry hiccupped and looked at the potions master who petted his shoulders awkwardly and waited for an answer. Everything inside of him screamed no and his whole being was prepared to run away, but there was this small voice telling him that he needed help or he would have to go back.

He was so afraid, the shame knotted his stomach. Could he trust the professor? If he didn’t want to go back, Snape was his only option. Just the thought of telling anyone else was so horrible that he couldn’t even bear it. Somehow, though, it was easier to tell Snape, because the professor never liked Harry and always had the lowest opinion of him. Harry couldn’t stand if Dumbledore or his friends would look at him with pity or disappointment. Disappointment because Harry hadn’t been strong and brave like a Gryffindor; hadn’t fought back hard enough and eventually caved in because he couldn’t stand the pain of the violent beatings.

“Yes,” Harry whispered almost inaudible. He closed his eyes and waited.

“Harry, I am going to enter your mind again. Please think about the man who did this to you, just show me,” Snape talked in a low hushed voice, trying to give clear instructions without scaring the boy. If Harry helped him he could be out of the boy’s head in the matter of seconds, he needed only one good look to prove his suspicions.

Snape put his wand down gingerly on the low table next to the sofa; with Harry’s consent he wouldn’t need it. The professor put his slender hands on Harry’s tear wet cheek, his fingertips touching Harry’s temples ever so softly. He formed the words of the spell only with his lips, no sound escaped them. Suddenly the feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff was back before the scenery around the professor changed again.

Harry inhaled sharply, shocked by the sudden sensation of not being alone in his own head. As he concentrated on the memory he decided to show Snape, the fear crept into every fiber of his being. When Snape had entered his mind for the first time Harry wasn’t able to distinguish reality from memory, but it felt different this time. Snape’s touch, soft skin against his sweaty temples kept him partly anchored in reality. He concentrated on the feeling of the feathery caress as the man moved his fingers slightly. It was over in the matter of seconds and Harry released the breath he was holding. Snape pulled back and broke the mental and physical connection.

“You are never going back there!” Snape stated, his eyes burning and hands balled into fists.

“It’s not that easy, Dumbledore says school rules state that they have the right to request my visit at the major holidays and there is nothing I could do about it.” Harry murmured.   
“You could tell him. He surely would—“  
“No! No! Don’t you even think about it. No one can know about this ever. No one!” Harry had partially risen from the sofa and grabbed Snape’s robes as if he was trying to physically stop him from going to Dumbledore right away.

“Sh,” Snape hushed “I won’t do anything without your consent.” He stated calmly, prying Harry’s fingers open to break the boy’s grip on his robes and covered the small hand with his own for a short moment before he pulled back.  
Harry breathed heavily, his eyes filled with pain and fear.

“I promise,” he added as the haunted expression on the boy’s face didn’t change. “Still, I won’t let you anywhere near that monster. If telling Dumbledore is out of the question then I guess you won’t file a formal complaint at the ministry of magic either, or with the muggle police.”

Harry looked at Snape like he had lost his mind and the man sighed. Snape understood Harry’s reaction, but it didn’t make it easier to find a solution.

Harry struggled to pull himself together, but he still trembled like a leaf in the wind.  
“No one can help me; I have to go back and—“ Harry stammered through gritted teeth.  
“No!” Snape leaned forward to emphasize his next words. He needed Harry to believe him. Snape paused, only inches apart from having their faces pressed together. “You will never go back. I promise, I won’t let this happen to you ever again.” The professor stood perfectly still as green questioning eyes found his own in search for answers and reassurance.

“Trust me,” he whispered, “ I will help you.”

“Why?” Harry’s lower lip quivered, but the tears had stopped.  
Snape tilted his head and thought about an appropriate answer to that question. There was no simple answer because it was as complex as their relationship, past and present interwoven into a cobweb of conflicting emotions. 

“Because you need help and I can give it. Because I know what it is like to be a victim, and to pray for help that never comes. Because no one should ever experience what you went through and I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I’d let you go back without doing anything.”

“But there is no way….” Harry couldn’t even finish the sentence. He believed that the professor wanted to help him, but he didn’t think there was a chance he could succeed.  
“There is always a way, especially if you are a powerful wizard and a Slytherin,” Snape smirked and gestured for Harry to sit down again who complied.

The professor started to walk up and down the room, pausing once in while at one of the bookshelves that covered every wall to stare at the books and mumble. After several minutes he grabbed one of the older books with purple velvety covers and started to flip pages.

“Here they are: Hogwarts rules and regulations for staff and students.” The professor fell silent again and continued reading, only moving his lips once in awhile.

Harry sipped his now cold tea silently, surprised at the sweet and fresh taste. The smell reminded him of the encounter with the professor in the hallway. It had been peppermint he had smelled on the other man’s breath. Harry shook his head at the detours his brain took to keep his thoughts occupied.

“Professor?” Harry asked after a while after he had finished his tea.

“Silence!” The other replied, sounding much more like the professor he was used to during class when he was annoyed with the students. Harry smiled a little at the familiarity even though he liked this softer version of the man.

“I think I have found something. How do you feel about destroying the potions lab?”

“What?” Harry frowned and tried to figure out if the professor was actually serious. “Why would that be of any help?” he asked. The other man didn’t reply, his eyes already focusing back on the words in front of him.

“Because I am planning on catching you in the act. Which would leave me with the opportunity to decide your punishment after you admit your guilt to the headmaster.”

Harry looked confused and waited for further explanations.

“The headmaster was right about one thing: your foster family can request your visit on major holidays UNLESS you have been convicted for breaking house rules and your punishment involves detention over the holidays. The summer holidays are of course long, but a serious offence such as--“  
“Destroying the potions lab!” Harry filled in with bright eyes, his voice losing the hopelessness and resignation.

“--would suit our purposes,” the professor continued, his eyebrows raised in disapproval at the interruption.


	3. Chapter 3

“Potter, that means we need to come up with a plan, a good one at that because the headmaster is not easily fooled. But I suppose you are aware of that, given that “Trouble” is your middle name.”

Harry followed Snape’s path through the room with tired eyes. The man was still holding the book while he outlined his plan in detail. Harry tried to stay focused, but his thoughts got tangled up more than once thinking about the strange situation they were in.

Harry blinked a couple of times, trying to fight off the drowsiness. It felt like tar was running through his veins and the professor’s voice seemed so distant. Harry decided that it wouldn’t hurt if he just closed his eyes for one brief moment, just to give some relief from the itching that had bothered him for the last hour or so.

“Potter. POTTER?! Are you sleeping?”

Harry opened his eyes to find the professor looming over him, an angry expression covering his features and his lips pressed into a thin line. Harry felt dizzy and shook his head a couple of times to fully wake up.

“Sorry, I am so sorry,” Harry whispered, tears threatened to breach the calmness that had settled over him. Snape’s eyes were blazing, dark as the night sky. The potions master could be an intimidating sight, shooting angry glances sharp as spears.  
The professor leaned down further and a jolt of panic startled Harry and he froze completely and shielded his face with his hands.

“Please don’t hurt me,” Harry whispered in a small and tear-filled voice.

Snape’s heart stopped for a second before it resumed its duty, thumping almost painfully. Harry looked so vulnerable and hurt that the professor felt immediately bad for his outburst. He had been concentrated on finding the best plan possible and couldn’t believe his eyes when he turned around and found Harry asleep. The situation felt familiar, Snape talking and explaining while Harry listened- or pretended to- so that the professor had slipped back into his usual behavior.  
Harry’s trembling hands still shielded his face, but Snape could still see a single tear slide down his cheek. Snape took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the sofa and grabbed the blanket to tug Harry in close. He took both of Harry’s hands and pulled them away from the boy’s tear wet face. 

“Never. I promise I will never hurt you. Do you think that you could trust me on this?”

Snape had no idea how to help the boy if Harry couldn’t trust him, always fearing that he might hurt him. The professor was well aware that he asked a lot from the traumatized boy and once again he wished Harry had encountered someone else in the hallway, someone that was better suited to deal with emotional trauma. Unfortunately, the potions master was the only one Harry had right now.

Harry looked at the man who held his hands tightly. Snape’s features weren’t guarded or neutral like they often were. Honesty was written all over his face and his eyes had lost their anger. Harry locked eyes with the potions master for long seconds searching for certainty that he really could trust the man.

Harry had always trusted his instincts, and right now they were telling him to accept the help that was offered by his former enemy; help that was offered out of sincerity and compassion even though Harry had no idea why the hate between them seemed to have vanished all of a sudden.  
Harry nodded slowly and the other released his hands quickly, like the contact brought him discomfort.

“So the plan—“ Harry yawned and rubbed his tired eyes.

“Well it’s 2 am. I think the plan can wait a couple of hours. The early hours of morning might suit our purposes best anyways. Maybe you should get some rest?” Snape looked down at Harry who felt the ice cold touch of fear at the thought of sleep and the nightmares it would bring.  
Harry opened his mouth to protest that he didn’t want to rest, but thought better of it and closed it again. Just because he was terrified of sleeping didn’t mean that the professor should stay up all night.

Harry left the warmth of his blanket cocoon and stood up hastily. The dizziness was back immediately and the slight nausea reminded Harry that he should eat something soon. He took a couple of steps towards the door, trying to walk straight so that the potions master wouldn’t notice that he felt funny. The man had already done so much for him, it wouldn’t be fair to overstay his welcome.

“Potter, what do you think you are doing?” Snape asked, eyebrows travelling towards his hairline for the tenth time that evening by Harry’s count.

“Going to the dorms, getting some rest like you said.” Harry felt uncertain and stopped to look at the professor. Talking to the professor was like walking on eggshells, Harry contemplated, he never knew when he would do something to shatter the fragile peace between them.

“Gryffindor’s have never been the smart ones, but it would definitely be easier if you would use your brain once in while!” The professor shook his head disapprovingly and strode towards Harry. “You can’t go to the dorms now because if someone sees you the whole plan is going to fail,” Snape explained slowly like he was talking to a child.

Harry blushed at the realization that the man was of course right. He looked down at his worn out slippers and sighed. Did the professor mean that he could stay and rest here? Harry clasped his hands together, unsure of how to proceed or where to go.  
Snape’s features softened as he looked at the boy who blushed until he looked like a bright tomato.

“You can use the sofa if you like,” the professor pointed to the sofa that Harry had abandoned only seconds ago.

“Thank you,” Harry whispered and approached the sofa after a couple of seconds of uncertainty.

“Do you need anything before I try to get a couple of hours rest myself?” Snape inquired, all of a sudden feeling the same awkwardness that the boy obviously must have felt. He couldn’t even remember when he had last entertained a guest in his chambers.

“I am fine, thank you,” Harry answered formally, suddenly feeling like he was standing in the potions classroom about to get quizzed about potions ingredients rather than in the professor’s living room about to rest on the man’s sofa.

“Very well then,” Snape made a series of complicated motions with his wand.The lights in the room dimmed and the teapot and cups floated back into the adjourning kitchen.

Harry stood still awkwardly next to the sofa, still clasping his hands. The professor nodded one last time and looked over his shoulder before he disappeared into the bedroom. The door closed behind him with a thud. With barely any light and without Snape’s presence the room seemed bigger and very empty.

Harry managed to get a couple of hours of fitful sleep, bizarre dreams haunting him. When the professor woke him up by calling his name from the kitchen, Harry felt like he had been hit by a train. Harry stifled a yawn and noticed that Snape must have opened the curtains while he had still been asleep. Harry spent a couple of seconds mulling over the fact that the professor had probably seen him while he was asleep. He hoped that he hadn’t drooled on the cushions; he sighed feeling peculiar all of a sudden.

The professor stepped out of the kitchen holding a cup of coffee in his hands. The strong and bitter scent wafted towards Harry who closed his eyes for a moment enjoying it. He didn’t like the taste of coffee, but he enjoyed the rich and earthy scent.

“Coffee?” Snape asked without a greeting. Harry just shook his head and started to rearrange the cushions he had slept on and folded the blanket to put it on the edge of the sofa.

Snape watched Harry with narrowed eyes, wondering why the boy didn’t use magic to do such simple chores. Or why he even bothered to tidy up right now in the first place. The boy’s behavior seemed at times outlandish to the potions master.

“Ready?” he inquired, scrutinizing Harry with troubled eyes.  
Lying and hiding information had become second nature to Snape, however lying to the headmaster never felt right. He admired the man and he was the closest Snape could call family. Not to mention that the man was a powerful wizard and had always had the gift to see through people and their lies.

“If we do this right, this might just work,” Snape murmured, his eyes wandering over Harry’s slim stature and the dark circles under his eyes. The boy looked haunted and exhausted, which would serve their purpose well when he had to admit to destroying the potions lab.

After Snape had finished his cup of coffee and put on his robes they left his chambers. The potions lab was nearby, so they only needed to walk a short distance. The professor still insisted on performing a series of spells that hid them from anyone’s eyes in case somebody was roaming the hallways in the early hours of morning.They walked briskly to the potions lab, engulfed in silence. The professor had cast a silencing charm as well; just to be on the safe side. Harry shivered and put his arms around himself; he didn’t like silence and emptiness because it reminded him too much of his time at the Dursley’s.

They reached the potions lab and Snape gestured Harry to follow him inside before he locked the door thoroughly, moving his wand in complicated patterns without saying a word. Harry looked around while the professor performed the spell, mulling over the fact that the potions lab seemed so different without the loud voices of fighting Gryffindors and Slytherins or the odor of sweat and fear that seemed to arise in every potions class. Snape never failed to have at least two students on the brink of tears at any given time.  
The lab seemed peaceful now, empty cauldrons stacked in rows and parchments neatly placed on the professor’s desk.

“The room is warded now, but we should hurry nonetheless,” the professor pointed out, shattering the silence. His voice filled the room with life, chased away the images of fearful students and past fights. The professor spoke firmly, his voice surprisingly warm. Snape was standing in the middle of the classroom between two rows of benches like he often did during class but he seemed somehow different, his obsidian eyes glittering and the light reflecting off his raven hair made it seem silky not greasy. Harry blinked a couple of times, fearing that the sleep deprivation and lack of food somehow played tricks with his mind.

The professor was about to lift his wand when he stopped midair. He furrowed his brows and laid a finger against his lips, humming thoughtfully.

“Do you want to destroy the lab?” he asked, putting his wand back into his pocket. Snape had the perfect spell ready to do the job, but the sight of Potter standing forlorn by the door, all skin and bones and oversized worn-out clothes, made him decide against it. The boy needed something to cheer him up, the professor mused. Snape would bet a hundred boxes of lemondrops that a majority of the students would take great pleasure in destroying the most hated classroom of the castle. 

“Really?” Harry sounded unsure, looking around the empty classroom like he seen it for the first time.

Snape nodded and smiled reassuringly at the boy who hadn’t moved an inch from the door since they arrived. Harry seemed frightened and lost, but the professor hoped that destroying this much hated classroom would give Harry some of his strength and confidence back. But even more important than that was the fact that it would give credibility to the story they planned on telling Dumbledore.

“Do it or don’t do it. I don’t care; but you got to hurry up either way,” Snape shrugged his shoulders in a careless gesture, not at all bothered by the fact that the lab would soon be destroyed. He loved the art of potions making but he had never been attached to material possessions. They could be destroyed, or stolen in the matter of minutes, so there was no point in getting attached. Snape never got attached anymore, not to possessions and definitely not to people. 

The professor expected Harry to draw his wand and attack the lab with a series of spells. He raised both eyebrows when Harry strode towards the stacked cauldrons and sent them flying through the room by kicking them repeatedly. The professor flinched at the sound and shook his head in disbelief.

“Harry….” His words were drowned in a series of bangs. Harry had violently knocked off a couple of vials from the professor's desk and they clattered to the floor. They didn’t break because they were forged of hardened glass, but they made a lot of noise as they hit the stone floor.

Harry stopped for a brief second and looked back over his shoulder. The professor willed his features to be neutral. Waves of rage, desperation,and fear radiated from the boy and Snape had to swallow at the onslaught of emotions. As a natural Legilimens, he picked up on other’s emotions and thoughts even without actively trying to. Usually he kept himself shielded because being forced to live in a castle full of hormonal teenagers would make his life hell otherwise. That’s why he was often perceived as cold and distant by others; an image that suited him well and that he encouraged by sneering and making nasty comments. Snape had put his shields down after he carried Harry to his rooms because he needed every clue he could get to help the boy.

Harry proceeded to the neatly stacked parchments and took one after another ripping them apart piece by piece. The ripping sound was accompanied by small whimpers and elaborated breathing. It seemed like the second years would have to do the potion ingredients quiz all over again. Pieces of parchment floated in the air before they silently landed on the floor. They were accompanied by Snape’s quill and ink pot, splattering all over the floor. In the dim light of the torches it almost looked like blood. Harry proceeded to rip out old textbooks from the shelves that lined the room. He threw them onto the floor and the desk: Snape had to duck quickly to avoid getting hit in the head by a flying textbook.

Harry’s movements were rapid and his body convulsed from time to time as sobs escaped him. The whimpers and cries made the professor’s heart beat faster but he didn’t stop Harry on his path of destruction. The paintings on the wall protested loudly when Harry threw them across the room into the cabinet with potions ingredients. Harry wrecked chairs and tables until there was nothing left to destroy in the lab. Harry stomped across the room and punched the cabinet’s glass door with his fist, crying out in pain. Snape moved quickly, stopping Harry before he could hurt himself further.

“Harry, stop!” The professor yelled, but the boy fought against the strong hands that held his wrists. Blood was dripping from various wounds on Harry’s palm onto the potions master’s pale hands, but he didn’t loosen his grip. Harry struggled, sobbing uncontrolled, tears streaming down his red cheeks. Snape put an arm around the trembling boy, unsure of how to help. He only knew that he didn’t want Harry to endure more pain or to just stand by as the boy hurt himself in desperation.

“I know it hurts, I know. It will hurt for sometime, but one day you’ll wake up and it will hurt a little less; the pain a little more bearable,” the professor whispered, keeping the boy flushed against his chest, afraid that he might lash out again. For a while nothing could be heard but Harry’s sobs and his blood dripping on the floor. After a couple of minutes holding the boy in an awkward embrace, Harry relaxed and slumped against the professor. He breathed heavily, all of a sudden leaning his entire weight onto the older man. Snape felt Harry going limp in his arms, melting into his body so that he had to support the boy’s weight. The professor looked down at the disheveled black mop of hair feeling oddly touched at the sensation of another person seeking comfort in his arms. It had been years since he last held someone in a gentle embrace.

“You’ll be fine, I promise, you’ll be fine” Snape murmured making promises that weren’t his to make, holding a boy who wasn’t his to hold or comfort. But still here they were, the boy pressing his body against his like he was the only one who kept him from drowning. It wasn’t a role he wanted or even liked, but nonetheless the role he had gotten.

Snape didn’t want much for this life. He had made his peace with teaching mostly dumb students and found delight in the few bright ones. He wasn’t liked by staff or students, but at least he was respected. He was admired in the potions community for his creative new potions. He shied away from personal relationships except the odd one night stands from time to time with nameless wizards. It was at this exact moment the potions master learned that the universe didn’t always give you what you want but maybe exactly what you need.

It took a long while until Harry’s breathing evened out and the professor trusted the calm enough to release his grip on Harry. He stepped back from the boy, avoiding eye contact while he performed a couple of healing spells followed by another one to clean up the blood on their hands and the floor.

^^^^^Later in the headmaster’s office^^^^^^^^^^:

“This is outrageous! This place crawls with small criminals, swarming these hallways with their ignorance and violence. This filthy little---“

“Professor Snape!” The headmaster interrupted the professor sharply.

“I think we understand that you are very upset, as you have every right to be, but you can now let go of Mr.Potter.” The headmaster pointed at the professor’s hand that still held Harry in a tight grip by his collar.

Severus Snape shook the boy twice for good measure before he let go of him. The boy immediately backed away a couple of steps, big frightened eyes trained on the headmaster.

“Harry,” the headmaster folded his hands in his lap, spinning his chair slightly to face the boy.  
“Tell me what happened,” Dumbledore encouraged, his voice mild.

“I’ll tell you what happen! This impertinent, useless dimwit destroyed my potions lab!” Snape snarled, taking his wand out and pointing it at Harry.

“Severus Snape!” the headmaster’s voice filled the whole room and both Harry and Severus flinched a little.

“Let the boy explain,” he ordered, softer but with stern eyes.

“I just….I hate him. I get detention all the time and he singles me out in front of the whole class, always telling me that I am stupid and useless…” The boy’s voice broke and he whimpered quietly.

“Everyone is making fun of me, and I just got so angry! Everyone in Slytherin house is calling me a dimwit like he does.” Harry sounded bitter, shooting angry glances at the professor who lowered his wand.

Snape wondered briefly if Harry was simply a good actor or if this was indeed true. He had a feeling that Harry was telling the truth. Snape ignored the uncharacteristic feeling of guilt that settled into his heart and focused on the boy’s words instead. Dumbledore had raised one bushy white eyebrow, shaking his head in disappointment. He knew that Snape wasn’t the nicest person, but he was nonetheless a good teacher, at least usually.

“So you were angry?” Dumbledore prompted when Harry fell silent, chewing on his lower lip and hunching his shoulders.

“Yes,” he admitted, looking down at his slippers.

“I just wanted to mess his things up, his precious journals for example,” Harry spat, bitterness coating his voice.

“Mess things up? The whole lab is destroyed, you stupid brat!” Snape shouted, taking one step towards Harry who hastily backed up two steps until his back hit a bookshelf.

“I got carried away, I didn’t mean to….” He swallowed hard, his hands reaching into his pocket to retrieve his wand.

“Stop it, both of you!” Dumbledore ordered, sinking back into his leather chair and causing Harry to abort withdrawing his wand and Snape to put his wand back into his own robes, sighing wearily.

“So you admit to causing destruction to the potions lab?” Dumbledore asked for clarification and furrowed his brows as Harry nodded.  
“Harry I do not need to tell you that this is serious. You broke at least four house rules and destroyed school property. I am very disappointed in your behavior, young man. This isn’t very Gryffindor-like.”

Harry’s lower lip wobbled and he rubbed his eyes repeatedly. Dumbledore looked at Harry a long moment before he turned around to look at Snape.

“He destroyed your property. What do you suggest we should do with the boy?” Dumbledore asked his eyes serious and expression grim.

“Expel him!” Snape answered immediately.

“Severus, do you really think this is the right course of action? Look at him, he looks terrible and I am sure he didn’t mean to destroy everything.”

“I do not care what his intention was —“Snape glared at Dumbledore who carded his hands through his beard thoughtfully.

“Do I need to remind you that people do make mistakes, but they still deserve a second chance? Like yourself.” Dumbledore’s eyes locked with Severus’ dark ones.

Severus tried to stay focus on the lie in his mind. Dumbledore was not easily fooled but he had a soft spot for the boy and his reaction was just as expected.  
Snape paced a couple of times around the room. When he finally stopped he looked up and nodded as if to agree with the headmaster’s words.

“Detention. All summer. I need help sorting potions ingredients and cataloging new potions.”

“Noooo!” Harry shrieked, looking terrified. “Not with him, please I’ll do anything else!” He continued, approaching the headmaster’s desk almost knocking over the cup of tea that was perched on the edge of the table.

“Well, nothing else was offered. I suggest you consider yourself lucky to still be a part of the student body after tonight.” Dumbledore sounded angry and he didn’t look up to meet Harry’s eyes. Harry was glad that he didn’t because he had a hard time hiding the relief that flooded his body.

“Term is over in 3 days. Have your bags packed and ready on last day of term at noon. We will spend the summer at Spinner’s End. And don’t even consider bringing that nasty bird of yours!” Snape turned on his heels and left the room robes billowing and hair flying.


	4. Chapter 4

“You did WHAT?!” Ron shrieked and then immediately covered his mouth with both hands. Several heads had turned towards the Gryffindor’s table, looking confused at the group of friends. Neville had stopped eating, his mouth hanging slightly open. 

“Ron!” Hermione whispered accusingly and smiled tight-lipped at the Patil twins who had started to whisper amongst themselves while casting curious glances at their end of the table.

“Why did you do that, Harry? I don’t understand what you were thinking….” Hermione sighed and took a bite from her toast. 

“I couldn’t sleep and I wandered around getting angrier and angrier because the Slytherins had called me dimwit all day.” Harry massaged his scar and looked down at his still untouched plate. 

“I came by the potions lab and I just had the idea to mess up his precious journals. It felt so good to get revenge that I just got carried away and couldn’t stop.” Harry took a piece of toast and put some pumpkin butter on it. 

Memories of the previous night flashed through his mind: pale hands covered in blood gripping his wrist tightly and ink splattered all over the floor slowly mixing with the blood dripping from his wounds. Harry shuddered and swallowed thickly. Ron snickered at Harry’s words until Hermione kicked his shin under the table and he flinched in pain.

“What are you going to do?” Hermione inquired, her eyes searching Harry’s face for answers. Harry shook his head silently, letting the sound of the cutlery and the other student’s voices fill the silence between the friends. 

“Nothing,” Harry said after a while. “Serve my detention, try to survive.”

“Can’t believe that you have to spend the summer with that greasy, repulsive git.” Ron spat, looking at the headmaster's table like he planned to attack the potions master with his fork.

Harry didn’t comment and turned his head to look at the professors eating breakfast at the headmaster's table. The headmaster's chair was vacant as well as Hagrid’s. The potions master sat between McGonagall and Mr. Flitwick. The head of Gryffindor house had turned her back to Snape, ignoring his presence. Harry had met her in the hallway this morning and she had just sighed wearily and ruffled his hair before she entered the great hall. Professor Flitwick had Snape engaged in a conversation and the potions master nodded once in awhile brushing a stray hair from his face. Harry watched the other man nibble at his toast and shake his head as he was offered pumpkin butter. Harry was pretty sure that Ron wouldn’t talk like that about Snape if he knew the truth. 

Suddenly the professor turned his head, obsidian eyes locking onto Harry’s emerald ones. Harry stared wide-eyed; his heart racing in embarrassment that he was caught staring. The potions master slowly raised an eyebrow. Harry looked down at his breakfast pretending that he hadn’t looked at all. The next time he raised his gaze he saw the smallest of smiles tug at the edge of Snape’s mouth for a short second before it disappeared.

“I guess you have no choice, Harry,” Hermione observed oblivious of the interplay between Harry and the professor. She sipped her tea slowly, her fingers closed around the big cup.

“No, I guess not,” Harry agreed and tried to sound as devastated as he could muster at the moment.

“Breakfast is over!” Professor Flitwick announced and the plates filled with food disappeared from the table. Ron sighed happily as he stuffed his face with a chocolate muffin that he managed to snatch at the last second.

“Well, at least we can write letters; we’ll stay in contact, right?” Hermione asked, taking Harry's arm. They strode out of the dining hall towards the first class of the day.

“I can’t promise anything, Hermione. As it seems Snape isn’t too fond of owls,” he explained, touching the girl's hand lightly as he caught the worried glance she exchanged with Ron.

“Snape isn’t fond of anything,” Ron murmured, his hands buried in his robe pockets, crumbs of chocolate muffin still decorating his face.

“Ew, Ron, crumbs!” Hermione gestured wildly at Ron’s face. Ron shrugged and wiped his mouth with his sleeve causing Harry and Hermione to sigh in unison. 

They wandered down the hallway slowly; their first class wouldn’t start for another 15 minutes. They passed a group of second years whispering amongst each other, seemingly upset.

“Did you hear? The professor said we had to take the potions ingredients quiz again because we did so badly that he burned the whole stack.” A small boy in oversized robes shook his head as he delivered the news to his friends.

“Urgh,I hate him, he is such an unfair asshole,” a blond haired girl murmured. Harry figured that she probably was Muggleborn given the way she had phrased her opinion.

“I hear he has human heads in jars in his chambers, he is sooooo disgusting,” The girl continued, causing repressed giggles to echo through the group of second years.

“Oh, bloody hell would you just shut up?” Harry shouted as they passed, causing the second years to flinch and draw closer together. He glared at the frightened students before he joined Hermione who dragged him away by his arm.

“What was that all about?” She inquired after a few minutes when they were out of earshot of the frightened kids.

“Stupid brats!” Harry spat ignoring the way Hermione’s eyes widened at the bitter tone in Harry's voice.

“Give him a break, Hermione. Wouldn’t you be bitter and angry if you had to spend all summer in detention? Besides the second years are really annoying!” Ron jumped in, aiding his best friend and saving him from the lecture he was about to get from Hermione on how to treat children and be a role model.

“Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother with the two of you,” the young witch stated and strode away towards their first class, leaving the two boys behind.

“Come on, mate we don’t want to be late. You don’t need any more detention,” Ron laughed at his own joke and Harry couldn’t help but smile at his best friend. His friends didn’t know all about his life but they were still the only family he had.

^^^^^^^^^^ 3 days later^^^^^^^^^^^^  
“Harry have you seen my socks? The red ones?” Ron shouted, his head buried in one of several trunks, waving his arms at Harry who sat on his bed, unaffected by the hustle that was going on in the dorms. 

“Nope, thankfully not,” He replied calmly as Ron’s head emerged and glared at him before he turned his attention to the various items of clothing scattered around his bed. Ron had everything packed and tried to use a spell to expand one of his trunks. Unfortunately, he must have gotten the wand motions wrong because it exploded instead, scattering his belongings throughout the whole room. 

Harry watched his best friend gather his belongings and mumble incoherently. Harry knew when it was best to leave Ron alone so he left his bed and shrunk his neatly packed luggage into a tiny box that he could store in his pocket. The term was officially over and the school robes already stored away for the summer months. Harry wore a pair of muggle jeans and a black long-sleeved shirt that was a bit too tight fitting. Harry had bought it last year but had grown so much during the term that the fabric now hugged his frame tightly. 

“See you in the yard,” Harry called out to Ron as he left the dorms, but his friend didn’t seem to notice.

Harry entered the yard and was surprised to see that the majority of the students had already left. He waved at Neville who for some reason dragged a giant trunk through the grass towards the waiting carriages. He stopped halfway to talk to Luna who smiled goofily at the tall Gryffindor. Hermione had already said her goodbyes and waved from inside one of the carriages, the cage with Hedwig in a secure grip. Ron would take care of his owl for the summer holidays, but Hermione insisted on taking Hedwig to the train. Harry was thankful for that given the chaos his friend caused every end of a term. 

This time Harry wouldn’t board the carriages with his friends to get to the train that would take him back to torment and pain. For the first time since he started in Hogwarts, he turned his back to the carriages and walked towards the tall figure standing in the middle of the green meadow. Harry approached the potions master and noticed that the man had also abandoned his robes and was clad in black trousers and a gray button-down shirt. Seeing the man without his robes was unusual and Harry couldn’t help but stare at the strange sight. 

“One would think that it wouldn’t be too much to ask to be punctual, but clearly punctuality is not one of your virtues, Potter,” Snape greeted. 

“I’m only five minutes late,” Harry replied as he finally reached the man. Snape took a deep breath as if to answer but he thought better of it. 

Snape tried to glare at the impertinent boy but his gaze was caught by the low sitting jeans and the shirt that revealed a sliver of skin. Harry looked like he was about to go to a bar to find a hookup for the night and not like he was on his way to serve detention. He was about to make a sniping remark about Harry’s choice of clothing but changed his mind at the last second. Given the boy's history this could not be intentional, but still, Snape would not have the boy walking around dressed like that, being prey for any wizard with a taste for young boys.

“Expando!” The professor said instead of an answer and enjoyed Harry’s surprised face as his shirt grew two sizes, hanging loosely on his upper body.

“You looked ridiculous, Potter,” Snape sneered and motioned Harry to follow him to a stone well.   
Harry shrugged and smiled, happy that his favorite shirt fit his body once again. However, it was a bit surprising that the potions master cared about his clothing. 

Snape bent down and picked up an iron cross from the edge of the well. It was about the size of a hand, decorated with intricate ornaments and symbols. 

“We are traveling by Portkey since you haven’t gotten your Apparition license yet,” the professor explained, slowly caressing the ornaments with his fingers. He seemed lost in thought before he resumed his explanations.

“This Portkey will directly transport us to Spinner’s End,” the potions master continued. 

“I hate Portkeys, they make me dizzy,” Harry responded, shuddering at the thought of his most hated way of traveling. 

“Potter, it may surprise you but you do not have to voice your opinions at any given time; especially if no one is around to give a rat’s ass.” 

Harry opened his mouth and closed it again like a fish out of water. He shouldn’t be surprised by the bitter tone of the professor’s voice or the snarky comment; after all, they had hundreds of conversations like this over the years. After getting to know another side of the professor he felt somehow hurt because he had hoped that they could put the animosity of the past behind them.  
Snape ignored the silence coming from Harry and explained that they needed to hold hands and touch the Portkey at the same time.

“Before we go- please tell me you haven’t hidden that nasty bird of yours in your pockets?” Snape looked at Harry questioningly, his hand gesturing to Harry's pocket containing his luggage. 

“Ron is taking care of Hedwig during the summer. And she is not nasty, she is beautiful and kind.” Harry replied, his voice almost a whisper. 

“Well, we agree to disagree on that matter. But one can surely feel bad for any creature that has to spend the summer at the Burrow surrounded by Weasley’s,” Snape sneered. 

“The Weasley’s are wonderful people! How can you be so ignorant and---“ Harry shouted, his cheeks red and eyes burning at the professor's insults. 

Harry never got to finish his sentence because Dumbledore walked onto the meadow, coming from the woods nearby. His purple robes were billowing around him as he walked in firm steps towards the arguing wizards.

“Boys, the summer hasn’t even started and you are already fighting,” He scolded, fixing his bright blue eyes first on Harry and then on the potions master.

“Severus, I trust that you will behave civilly around the boy and take care of him? Remember he is still a child, even though a certainly rebellious one.” Dumbledore added, waiting for confirmation from the professor who nodded slowly.

“You better get going, the carriages have already left,” the old wizard pointed out.

The school yard was now abandoned and the castle looked peaceful and empty. 

“Please behave, boys.” Dumbledore turned around and walked slowly towards the castle. Snape waited until the headmaster had almost reached the castle before he reached out with his hand.

“Ready?” Snape inquired and Harry nodded, feeling queasy because of their unnecessary fight and Dumbledore’s lecture. 

Snape allowed himself to smile down at the boy now that Dumbledore was nowhere near them. He had suspected that the headmaster would be nearby to overlook their departure.   
His instincts had once again served him well and he was glad that he had not changed his behavior towards the boy. Even though the hurtful expression in Harry’s bright eyes haunted him it wasn’t worth the risk of Dumbledore finding out about their lies.

Snape saw the confusion in Harry’s eyes and sighed wearily. He wanted to start the summer on good terms; they would have to spend several weeks in each other’s company. The boy had been through enough already and the professor felt bad for hurting Harry’s feelings. Regardless of his own feelings towards owls and a certain family he knew how much they meant to Harry.

“Harry, I knew Dumbledore would be here somewhere. I hope you can forgive me for saying these things about your friends,” Snape paused, “and your owl.” The professor waited until Harry nodded slowly. 

“We all have roles to play, don’t we?” Snape stated. Harry couldn’t react because the world around him started spinning as soon as they both touched the Portkey.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry had soon forgotten about obsidian eyes winking at him, the world spinning around him like he was trapped on a roller coaster driving through a fun house. His stomach lurched and cold sweat trickled down his spine. It took only a couple of seconds until they arrived at Spinner’s End, but Harry’s head swam uncomfortably. Harry felt disoriented and tightened his grip on the warm hand covering his own. He stumbled forwards, his eyes still blurred from the travel and he collided with a warm body, his cheeks resting on soft and silky fabric. Harry tried to control his breathing and ignore his stomach that suddenly seemed to be filled with writhing snakes. The spinning didn’t stop until cold fingers touched his neck and a deep voice whispered foreign words. The queasy feeling disappeared and the bile returned to where it belonged. Cold sweat made him shudder; suddenly freezing despite the warm summer air. Strong arms embraced him for a moment before they were gone and the man in front of him gave a little cough.

“Are you alright, Harry?” the potions master inquired, pushing the quivering boy away from his body to look into green eyes. Sweat had darkened Harry’s hairline and gathered on his upper lip. Harry licked his chapped lips, trying to focus his eyes on the professor.

“I really hate Portkeys,” Harry whispered, wiping his forehead with his sleeve.

“You don’t say,” the potions master replied, but his voice held no bitterness, it was once again soft and warm. 

Harry realized that he was still holding the other man’s hand and released it immediately, embarrassed by his loss of control. Now that the world was once again in focus, he inspected the street they were standing in. Rows and rows of brick houses, most of them had seen better days. Cars were parked on the street, most of them old and dirty. Scrap littered the street and a stray bicycle lay in the middle of the sidewalk like its owner abandoned it without care. This street was so different from the clean suburb the Dursleys lived in, where every lawn was neatly mowed and the neighbors friendly greeted each other while they barbecued in the garden. Of course, that was all façade; horror and pain hiding just underneath the surface. 

“So, you live here?” Harry asked, looking around curiously. 

“My parents did. Number 56. I inherited the house, but I do not spend much time here.” The professor explained and pointed at a house a few feet away. It seemed a little bit newer than the others and the front yard was clean. It had a blue door, which seemed odd in the line of houses with black doors. 

They stood in the middle of the street but no cars drove by and not a single curtain moved, hiding curious owners in search of gossip. Harry figured that the people living here were used to minding their own business to stay out of trouble. A window was opened in the house next to them; pieces of a conversation could be heard before it drowned in the noise of a door slamming. The music that had been a background murmur played suddenly in full volume.

“…..I somehow find that you and I collide,” the male singer sounded heartbroken and the tunes of a single piano reached the two men. 

Harry had never heard the song but it provoked a myriad of feelings, confused emotions crashing upon him and the thought that he had collided with the potions master since the first time they had laid eyes on each other. Their bodies weren’t touching anymore, but Harry could still feel the echo of strong arms around his body. Harry swallowed a couple of times, his eyes bright and cheeks red as he looked at Snape still standing in front of him, only inches apart. He had to look down as he realized that Snape had been the first person, aside from his friends and Ron’s mom, who had hugged him in a long while. Harry felt off balanced, longing for something that could fill the void inside of him. He tried to shrug the feeling off, but couldn’t help himself and reached out to touch the professor’s chest, right above his heart.

Black eyes widened in surprise before the potions master took a couple of steps back, hastily creating distance between himself and Harry. 

Snape didn’t know why the boy reacted so oddly, staring at him with unnaturally big eyes and his cheeks tinted in shades of pink. Harry’s chest rose and fell in elaborated breathing, probably caused by the Portkey travel and Harry’s physical reaction to it. Most wizards experienced a slight discomfort, but Harry had reacted very intensely. Snape had seen that the boy was about to greet his breakfast but helped him by using a healing spell. It wasn’t his best work because he hadn’t had his wand ready, but it seemed enough to stabilize the boy’s stomach. Harry looked small and pitiful, evoking the absurd feeling inside the potions master that he needed to protect this boy. The feeling was what had propelled him to hug the boy for a couple of seconds before he gathered his wits and pushed him away. The light touch of Harry’s slender hand was surprising and confusing, causing the potions master to shy away from the physical contact.

Snape felt oddly disappointed and relieved at the same time when there was once again a proper distance between himself and Harry. He walked briskly down the street and towards the house he had pointed out. He didn’t look back and Harry had to hurry to follow his long steps. Snape unlocked the door with an old iron key.

“Muggles,” he explained before Harry could ask him about the lack of magic. 

They stepped over the threshold and Harry looked around, astonished by the neat and cozy interior. Thick rugs in royal blue lined the hall they entered; crème colored walls with colorful pictures gave a welcoming impression. A small staircase with polished handrails on their left appeared to lead to the upper floor. After a few steps, the hall widened into a big room, green velvety sofas and armchairs grouped before a giant fireplace. Above the fireplace,the Slytherin banner decorated the white wall, matching the colors of the room. Dark colors of green and black combined with silver ornaments dominated the room which created a surprisingly homely atmosphere.

“What a nice home you have,” Harry remarked politely, remembering the few manners the Dursleys had actually taught him.

“I redecorated when my parents died; too many memories,” Snape explained, which earned him a surprised glance from his young guest. He didn’t know exactly why he had revealed so much to Harry; probably because despite his young age Harry certainly knew the power of traumatic memories. 

When Snape’s parents died he changed the interior of the house until nothing was the same besides the house’s outer shell. Gone were the battered furniture, dark wallpaper, and threadbare rugs in ugly patterns. The house wasn’t big, but the potions master had to rebuild it into a comfortable home where he was able to work on his potions in peace. 

“This is the living room,” Snape pointed towards the room at the end of the hall. “Upstairs we have the master bedroom and the guest room where you will be staying. On the right, we have the kitchen and through there is my potions lab. Questions?” the professor asked curtly. 

Harry just shook his head and buried his hands in his pockets. It was an awkward feeling to invade the professor’s private life, knowing that he wasn’t supposed to be here. The feeling of being unwanted and unwelcomed was not a new one; he had never known anything else while growing up. Here he would at least be safe.

“During the summer I have to work on a couple of new potions. But I think we can manage to stay out of each other’s way.” Snape waited for a response but shrugged as none was coming.  
“Let me show you your room,” he continued, his tone softened by the forlorn expression on Harry’s face. 

Snape had never shown Spinner’s End to anybody, not even Dumbledore. Having Harry standing in his hall was almost too much for him to handle. This house was so connected to his childhood and to the person he was that it felt like he had invited Harry to take a look inside his mind. Snape scolded himself for being overly dramatic; the boy didn’t know anything about him or the significance of this house. 

Harry followed the professor upstairs, letting his hand glide over the polished and smooth wood of the handrail. The stairs led to a small space that must be the library. Walls lined with bookshelves, with books in no recognizable order; muggle literature next to complicated books about potions.   
From the library led a small hallway towards three doors. Snape stopped in front of one of them and waited for Harry to join him.

“Here we are, this is your room and mine is next to yours. They are both connected by a bathroom. This shouldn’t be a problem as I am a morning person and will have begun my day long before you wake up,” the potions master explained and opened the door.

Harry stepped into the guest room that was his for the duration of his stay. The room was filled with sunlight, streaming in from a big window with light blue curtains. The sun illuminated a single bed, a desk with matching chair and a wardrobe. The room had a friendly atmosphere; a bouquet of lilies spread their scent through the room. 

“Lilies,” Harry whispered, suddenly filled with longing for a mother he had never known. 

“I thought it might make it easier for you to feel comfortable here,” Snape explained, staring at his shoes and avoiding Harry’s gaze. He had thought that this was a brilliant idea to make the boy feel welcome but now it felt rather cheesy and stupid. 

“Thank you!” Harry exclaimed, turning on his heel to take the professor’s hand for a brief second. A smile lit up his face and chased away the uncertainty that had clouded his features.  
The professor nodded, retracting his hand from Harry’s and turned around to leave Harry to get accustomed to his new room. He walked down the stairs briskly, convincing himself that he indeed wasn’t fleeing because the boy had an annoying tendency of shattering his façade with small touches and bright smiles. 

Harry had looked down at his hand for a while, embarrassed about the second time in not even an hour he had reached out to the professor and made the other man feel uncomfortable. He couldn’t even pinpoint why he had felt the need to touch Snape. Ever since the professor had anchored him to reality with his touch, when Harry experienced the most horrible memories, he had lost the barrier he usually felt towards touching other people. Usually, Harry wasn’t very physical besides the stray hug for Hermione once in awhile.

The afternoon went by filled with unpacking and confused thoughts. Harry already missed Hedwig and his friends. He had settled on the bed, reading one of several Quidditch magazines he had taken with him for distraction. Downstairs he could hear the sizzling sound of a frying pan followed by a delicious smell that slowly wafted through the open door. Harry’s stomach rumbled, reminding him that it was soon dinnertime and he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.   
Harry stood up and stretched for a moment before opening his trunk to snatch one of many cereal bars. Stocking cereal bars and other dried food items during term had become a habit;, making sure he would have his own food if the Dursleys’ decided he had to be punished and wouldn’t feed him. He had them transfigured into socks in case Vernon looked through his luggage, which he often did. Harry remembered vividly how painful it was to be hungry and he had promised himself that he would never feel that pain again. 

Harry sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking small bites of a rather dry and tasteless cereal bar. He stopped with his hand frozen mid air when the potions master suddenly appeared in the doorway,

“Sweets before dinner?” Snape asked, his eyes narrowed. 

Harry tried to swallow the last bite that still stuck to his palate. He could tell that he had done something wrong by the professor's lips pressed into a thin line and narrowed eyes. Harry had grown up in a house where the rules changed by the minute and everything he did was a potential mistake leading to punishment and pain. Harry had promised the professor that he trusted him, and he did, knowing the other man wouldn’t hurt him. But he would never be able to get rid of those traces of fear, clouding his judgment and urging him to run and hide.

“I didn’t know…I wouldn’t….” Harry stammered. He tried to explain that he wasn’t expecting to be invited to dinner, but the words got stuck somewhere on the way.

The potions master sensed confused emotions radiating from the boy. He realized that Harry was surprised that he was asked to join him for dinner. His heart clenched at the realization that being able to eat dinner hadn’t been something Harry could count on, that much he could read off the boy without any spell.

Snape walked over and sat down at the edge of the bed, facing Harry who looked at him intently. He smiled at the boy waiting for the confused expression to disappear. Harry returned the smile slowly before he resumed staring at his hands.

“Harry, I want you to know that you are welcome here. This will be your home during the summer and you should know that you have every right to use the house as you please, as well as everything that is in it. Besides my potions ingredients, of course,” The professor chuckled and Harry looked at him like he had just seen a ghost.

“I guess we will annoy each other, get into unnecessary fights, and I’ll be grumpy from time to time. Despite that, I count on that you never doubt my words.” Snape tilted his head, trying to assess if he had reached the boy and if Harry believed him.

Snape waited for an answer, but he never got one. Instead, he was rewarded with one of those bright smiles that lit up Harry’s face and changed his eye color to a moss green. He couldn’t help but return the smile, feeling oddly proud of being the one who caused it.

“Do you care to join me for dinner?” Snape asked formally, leaving the edge of the bed and extending a hand towards Harry.

“I would love to,” Harry replied, gingerly accepting the hand that was offered. Long and slightly cold fingers touched smaller, warm ones causing two men to smile in unison.

Snape had prepared breakfast for dinner; sausages, bacon, and fried eggs as well as green salad and freshly made scones. Everything was set out on the dining table in the kitchen along with a plate filled with different cheeses and marmalade. A pot of tea was keeping warm under a heating spell, spreading the scent of peppermint throughout the whole kitchen. Harry took a deep breath; the scent of peppermint made him feel safe. 

“Breakfast for dinner, I hope you like it.” Snape pointed at the table and offered Harry a seat.

“Did you prepare everything by yourself?” Harry inquired surprised; he knew that most teachers took their house elves with them if they left Hogwarts. Snape nodded in answer to Harry’s question and poured tea into cups made of expensive porcelain. 

“I like to cook; it is rather calming and reminds me of preparing potions.” The professor explained while loading a plate with generous amounts of food before he sat it down in front of Harry.  
The potions master knew that Harry hadn’t been eating properly for the last couple of weeks and he hoped that the thin boy would be able to gain some strength during the summer. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but it was nice to cook for someone other than himself.  
Snape flipped the pages of today’s newspaper slowly while nibbling on a scone. From time to time he looked up to see Harry totally immersed in tasting every item of food he had prepared. Harry hummed in appreciation every time he seemed to find something especially tasty and the professor smiled to himself. It was a calm evening; once in a while the voices of playing children could be heard through the open window. The warm summer breeze moved the white curtains and took with it the scent of sirens from the backyard. Snape’s mother had planted those in hopes of making this house a better place. Unfortunately, she never succeeded, but the flowers reminded the potions master that he had the power to make this house a good place; a place where tormented souls could find some peace and maybe healing.

Harry tried to stifle a yawn as he watched the professor read the newspaper. It was quiet in the kitchen, but the silence felt peaceful, not awkward. Harry blinked slowly trying to fight off the drowsiness that was settling over him now that he was content and sated. Snape looked up from his newspaper and folded it neatly into a square.

“It has been a long day, maybe we should get some rest,” the professor said.

“Thank you for dinner. I can do the dishes,” Harry offered, causing the potions master to shake his head.

“Why on earth would you do that for, Potter? Have you ever heard of magic?” Snape asked bewildered, sending the plates and cups flying into the sink where they began cleaning themselves. 

“Sir, could you please…I mean I would like to….maybe you could……” Harry stammered and bit his lips in embarrassment.

“My name is Harry, sir.” Harry continued his voice almost inaudible. He didn’t mean to be brazen, but he really hated to be called by his last name. 

“Have you never heard of magic, HARRY?” The professor retorted with a wink before he left the table to go to the potions lab adjourning the kitchen. 

Harry chuckled and made his way back to his room, whistling the song he had heard from the neighbor’s house. Harry got ready for bed in a matter of minutes. Sighing as he finally rested his head on a fluffy pillow that smelled like lilies. He fell asleep almost right away, soothed by a sated stomach and a peaceful evening.

Snape checked on the potion he had begun to prepare during the afternoon. It came along just as he had planned so that he could give into the tiredness that made his head heavy and thoughts foggy. It was odd not being alone in the house, every evening ritual like brushing his teeth and putting on PJ bottoms were accompanied by the echo of Harry’s presence. As the potions master finally closed his eyes and welcomed much-needed sleep he knew that he had done the right thing.

Snape woke up suddenly, startled by a scream that froze the blood in his veins to ice and sent a rush of adrenaline through his whole body. It only took a split second before he found his wand, holding the wood in a sweaty grip. He had been a Death Eater long enough to recognize the sounds of torture and pain. Snape ran towards the bathroom, opening the door so forcefully that it crashed against the wall. He ignored the noise as well as the scent of Harry’s aftershave that still hung in the humid bathroom air. Mentally he prepared himself to see hooded creatures surrounding a wounded Harry. He opened the door to the guest room fully prepared to die defending the boy. 

Snape stumbled into the room, his wand lit and determination edged into his features. He stopped in surprise as he found the room empty, besides Harry writhing on the bed, tangled up in white bedsheets. The boy resumed the almost inhuman screaming causing the professor to flinch in horror. Snape had heard sounds like that from countless tortured victims suffering under the Dark Lord, but it was something one could never get used to. The sound invaded one's soul, nestling in the deepest darkest corner of one’s mind. The surprise and horror that had him paralyzed for a couple of moments disappeared and he approached the bed hastily. The moment he laid a hand on the screaming boy to wake him up Harry began to fight, hard fists meeting soft flesh. Snape hissed in pain and tried to wake Harry up by calling his name out loud, but he seemed lost in traumatic memories. Snape used his whole body as leverage to fight off arms and kicking feet. Nails were dragged through his skin, leaving a trail of blood. At last, he got a better grip on Harry, shaking him forcefully to break the nightmare. Suddenly Harry opened his eyes, tears streaming down his face and his chest heaving in elaborate breathes and heavy sobs. 

“Harry, it’s ok. You are safe, you are safe, I promise,” the professor whispered, squeezing the boy's shoulders. Harry’s body had gone limp and he closed his eyes for a moment before he reached out and put his arms around the potions master neck. Harry whimpered and sobbed sounding like a wounded animal. Snape slowly eased his weight off Harry’s body, not wanting him to feel discomfort at the weight of another human body trapping him. The professor suspected that it would only remind the boy too much of what he had endured. But Harry held onto him tightly causing the professor to tumble over. Snape stopped the fall by propping his arms up next to the boy’s head trying to avoid hurting Harry. Harry pressed closer to the professor, wrapping his legs tightly around Snape’s slender body. Snape took a deep breath astonished by Harry’s reaction. He eased slowly back into a seating position until Harry who still clung to him was safely seated on his lap. Snape slowly eased his arms around Harry’s slim waist, holding him gently. Harry’s shirt was soaked in sweat, the cold fabric feeling uncomfortable on Snape’s skin. The professor had gone to sleep wearing only pajama bottoms not bothering with a shirt because of the warm summer air. Harry pressed his tear-wet face into the crook of Snape’s neck, his hands holding on tightly leaving marks on the older man’s back. He ignored the pain as well as the burning from the cuts Harry had accidentally inflicted on him. Snape rubbed the boy’s back in slow circles, whispering soothing words about safety. It took a long while before the crying changed into hiccups and the boy loosened his painful grip a little. 

Snape tangled his fingers into sweaty locks of messy dark hair, hesitating before caressing the scalp underneath. Harry leaned into the calming touch, ensuring the professor that Harry felt comforted by his touch, as odd as it might be. Suddenly the professor felt highly aware of his bare chest, Harry’s sweaty skin connected to his own. Harry’s fingers seemed to burn on his back, bringing forth the need to create some distance between himself and the younger one. Snape shifted slightly but Harry followed, his arms never leaving the potions master. The motion caused Harry to press his head harder against the potions master’s shoulder, dragging plush lips over the sensitive skin by his neck. Goosebumps erupted all over the older man’s body, discomfort paired with pleasure made his breath hitch. Snape fought the feelings off, concentrating on Harry who rested his head on Snape’s shoulder, warm puffs of breath caressing his skin. Soft fingertips stroked over the scratch wounds on his other shoulder.

“Did I hurt you?” Harry asked, his voice thick with tears. The professor looked down at the boy he had promised to protect and the pain he saw reflecting in the younger one's eyes broke his heart. 

“Sh, it’s ok, you didn’t know it was me,” Snape whispered, laying a finger on Harry’s wobbling lips. Silent tears fell from red and puffy eyes that never let him out of their sight.   
“Please help me,” Harry pleaded. “Please, I can’t…..It feels like he is inside of me, in my brain and my body….” Harry’s words were drowned by the howl that forced its way out. Snape understood exactly what Harry was going through. It took him years until he could suppress the feeling of his father’s belt on his skin. He never got rid of it entirely, feeling the hurt and the pain of the physical abuse he had suffered as a child even as an adult. 

“I know, Harry, and I wish I could do something, anything to make it better, to take the pain away.”  
They both fell silent, knowing that there wasn’t anything that the professor could do to change the past. The professor moved slowly away from Harry, trying to create some distance. Harry’s eyes widened, despair clouding his eyes and twisting his face.

“Please don’t go,” Harry whispered, once again reaching out for the professor. Snape closed his eyes for a brief moment, battling with the voice inside his head that told him that he should go and the boy would be better off without him. After all, he didn’t know how to comfort someone or make them feel better. Concerned green eyes nailed him to the spot and the voice drowned in static as he pressed his forehead against Harry’s, being rewarded with the soft touch of fingertips on his cheeks. Thoughts chased each other in circles as the professor tried to make sense of what was happening and how he felt about it. Nothing made sense anymore and somehow he didn’t mind as long as he could prevent the younger one from ever screaming in horror and pain again.


	6. Chapter 6

Snape had silently rocked Harry back and forth until the traumatized boy fell asleep in his arms; tear-wet face pressed into the crook of his neck. He had made sure that Harry’s sleep was peaceful and undisturbed before he had sneaked out of the room on silent feet. The need for distance had fought an ugly battle with the need to stay and protect the boy from another violent nightmare. In the end, he gave into the longing for distance, to sort out his feelings and thoughts. 

Snape had spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning, haunted by the echo of Harry’s touches on his skin. It had been unsettling that he wasn’t able to keep his thoughts from going to dangerous places, recalling the warmth of Harry’s skin and the moistness of the boy’s lips pressed against his naked shoulder. 

Even now, he had a hard time focusing on the batter he was preparing for breakfast pancakes. While he stirred the batter and added ingredient after ingredient he fought an inner battle against feelings that shouldn’t be there in the first place and memories of sensations he was never supposed to experience. 

He knew that Harry was vulnerable, lonely, and afraid. Snape would never be able to forgive himself if he took advantage of the boy’s situation by getting too close to him. It was absolutely necessary that he kept his distance, allowing Harry to feel safe. The professor was convinced that Harry’s reaction to the nightmare had everything to do with his traumatic memories and little with himself. If Harry had been fully aware of what was happening he would never have hugged his most hated professor let alone crawled into his lap. Snape sighed and poured the batter into the pan, watching the pancake slowly sizzle, spreading a scent of vanilla and cinnamon. 

Snape heard the steps of bare feet on the stairwell and he took a deep breath, taking on a neutral and distant expression. He would rather get his hand chopped off than having Harry notice the turmoil he had created inside of him. 

“Good morning,” he greeted without enthusiasm when Harry appeared in the doorway with tousled hair, clad in a brown shirt with fading print. The shirt was way too big for Harry’s small frame; made him look thinner and smaller. Harry yawned and squinted at him, flashes of green behind round glasses.

“Morning. Pancakes?” Harry inquired, approaching the kitchen counter and peering into the pan curiously. “I love pancakes, thank you,” he added, flashing a bright smile at the potions master.

“I will be working on my potions all day. Please do not disturb me unless it is absolutely necessary.” The potions master stacked the pancakes onto two plates, extending one to Harry completely ignoring his earlier comment. Harry looked at him confused but took the offered plate and set it on the table.

“Of course I won’t disturb you, I promise,” Harry approached the counter again, facing the professor. Harry tried to connect his eyes with the older man but Snape averted his gaze every time, busying himself with putting the milk carton back into the fridge and getting the coffee with a motion of his wand. 

Harry watched Snape tidying up the kitchen and preparing breakfast. His attempts at eye contact failed miserably as the other man looked everywhere but at him. Harry worried his lip, confused and unsure if he should talk about the previous night. His memory was a bit hazy, but he recalled the professor holding him in a tight embrace, murmuring soothing words. He remembered long fingers buried in his hair and his body pressed against the professor in desperation. The snippets of memory caused his heart to beat faster and a deep longing nestled in the pit of his stomach. Harry knew that the professor surely only tried to comfort him and that none of his actions really held a deeper meaning for the man. Snape prepared breakfast calmly, his face stoic and distant. Harry swallowed thickly, convincing himself that he was being silly. He had a nightmare and the professor had comforted him until he felt better. There was no need to feel sad just because the man didn’t smile at him or look at him. 

Harry finally abandoned his spot at the kitchen counter and sat down at the table, staring at the pancakes he had only moments ago been so excited about. Chocolate chip pancakes were his absolute favorite, but he couldn’t even imagine taking a bite. A cup filled with coffee and cream floated towards him and landed safely next to his plate. He looked up to see the professor holding his own plate of pancakes in one hand and a steaming cup in his other. Snape rounded the kitchen counter, walked passed Harry towards the door that led to the potions lab. 

“Where are you going?” Harry questioned, surprised that the potions master didn’t join him at the table where everything was prepared for breakfast.

“Potter, asking unnecessary questions like always. The potions lab, of course,” Snape rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Harry flinched at the tone in the professor’s voice. He didn’t understand how they could have gone from hugging back to bitterness and last names again. For a short moment Harry questioned his sanity; maybe he had only dreamt that the professor had been soft, caring, and tender; holding him gently on his lap, rocking back and forth until he safely fell asleep. But the memory was so vivid and the touches still present on his skin that Harry couldn’t really believe that it all just had been a dream. Tears welled up in his eyes, hurt by the rejection hidden beneath the professor’s words. 

“I am so sorry for last night,” Harry murmured, repeatedly rubbing his eyes to keep the tears from freely flowing down his cheeks. He felt stupid for getting emotional for no apparent reason and didn’t dare look up to see the expression on Snape’s face. A couple of seconds went by in silence before Harry heard the thud of a door closing. He looked up to find the room empty and the door to the potions lab closed. Harry sniffled, losing the fight against the tears and the sadness invading his heart. Snape wasn’t treating him any different than he always had, but suddenly Harry was unable to cope with the older man’s distant and cold demeanor. He longed for a friend; a friend with strong arms holding him tightly, promising him that he was safe and cared for. 

Harry whimpered quietly, realizing that the void inside of him had stopped hurting the moment the professor had held him in his arms. Harry had never been loved or accepted until he met his friends. He cherished them and loved them like family, but they had never been able to fill that deep and dark void inside his soul. The void he escaped to and hid in when reality became unbearable with torture and pain. The void filled with the nothingness that threatened to drown every good thought and feeling until there was nothing left but pain and sorrow. Harry wanted to let go and just give into the alluring darkness that promised numbness; putting an end to his torture. If only he just could let go and dive into that void, disappearing forever. 

Harry closed his eyes and put his head on the polished wood of the dining table. Tears pooled beneath his cheeks and sobs shook his body. Everything seemed so far away; the scent of vanilla and chocolate slowly faded away. Harry felt so exhausted, he had no energy left to fight against the darkness seducing him. Hundreds of memories of blinding pain and terror caused by years of abuse lurked at the edges, driving him faster and faster towards a place without pain and without memories.

Suddenly Harry got pulled back; the darkness around him disappeared and the numbness left his body. The pain echoing through his mind, body, and soul was replaced by the scent of peppermint that promised safety. Soft fingertips rested on his cheeks, gathering the tears he shed. Harry pressed his eyes shut refusing to let go of the safe and numb place inside his mind. Other sensations dragged him back to reality; a hand on the back of his neck slowly stroking the sensitive skin. Warm breath caressing his cheek, ghosting over his lips. Harry opened his eyes to see obsidian ones staring intently at him, confusion swirling in their depths. The potions master was so close that Harry could see the other man’s eyes shifting in different shades of brown and black. Strands of black hair framed his face, his skin pale like cream but nonetheless perfect without scars and blemishes. Harry's eyes were drawn to crimson lips, surprisingly elegant and well-formed. Harry stared transfixed at the professor, highly aware of the other’s physical presence only inches apart. The potions master had retracted his hand but Harry could still feel the touch burning his skin. The silence stretched between them until Snape shifted to create distance between them. 

“Harry, what is going on?” Snape asked, his brow furrowed. The potions master eyed Harry warily unsure of what to do. Seeing Harry so desperate and alone scared him more than he liked to admit. Snape didn’t know exactly know how deep and severe Harry’s trauma was and what would trigger the boy into losing himself in depression or flashbacks. It was a gamble and Snape had never liked situations where he wasn’t fully in control. With Harry he had to trust instincts he hadn’t used and relied upon in many years. Snape thought of the events of the morning and his own behaviour that had caused Harry’s breakdown and sighed.

Snape had entered the potions lab only minutes ago, relief washing through him as he looked at the quiet room with several cauldrons lined up on the workbench. He had looked forward to immersing himself completely in the world of potions where he could forget all about green pleading eyes as he chopped potions ingredients. 

Preparing potions always calmed the professor and provided him a sanctuary from his raging thoughts and painful memories. As he had begun to stir one of the potions a hundred times clockwise he hadn’t been able to concentrate on the movements or the words of the silent spell that accompanied them. He had been haunted by the hurt expression on Harry’s face as he had ignored the boy’s attempts at eye contact and left him without answer to his apology. With every stir, he had berated himself for getting soft and behaving unprofessionally. He had reminded himself over and over again that the boy was a minor that was left in his care during the summer. A small voice inside his mind insisted that Harry had already finished his sixth year and was only months away from legally entering wizarding adulthood. That didn’t change the fact that Snape was Harry’s teacher which would make a friendship complicated. 

Snape’s inner ramblings got interrupted by a low whimper coming from the kitchen. He froze for a moment pondering if he should go back to the kitchen to find out what was going on or if he should just stay in the potions lab giving the boy the opportunity to sort his feelings out by himself. The second whimper that had reached him sounded so painful that he abandoned his potions, already blaming himself for not taking into account how scared and vulnerable Harry really was.

Snape’s heart picked up in speed as he realized that without his or the boys consent the circumstances had led them to form a fragile bond, and he was about to destroy it. Normally, the professor wouldn’t have hesitated in doing so; it was always better to cut off all ties to other people and he never dwelled on the opportunities and relationships lost. This time around the circumstances were different. Harry was extraordinarily fragile and in no condition to handle even more rejection and pain. Fear nestled inside the professor’s heart almost forcing him to destroy that seed of friendship despite Harry’s vulnerability and never allowing it to blossom. He could hear his father’s raging voice telling him that he was useless and his existence only brought disappointment and pain to those around him. Snape pressed his eyes shut trying to get rid of the unwelcome memory clouding his judgment. 

Just as he had been about to resume his potion making again he could hear a sob, reminding him that Harry had no one to talk to about his pain and no one to drag him from the claws of his traumatic memories. Snape reminded himself that he had been able to comfort Harry the previous night until he safely fell asleep again. He had taken courage in that fact and opened the door to the kitchen before he could change his mind again. There he had found Harry, his head lying on the kitchen table, tears streaming down his cheeks and whimpers escaping his mouth from time to time.

It took a while until Harry became aware of his surroundings and Snape’s presence. Snape was thankful that he didn’t let the usual self-loathing keep him from coming back into the kitchen. Snape was aware that he shouldn’t have treated Harry so distant to begin with; not after the boy’s nightmare. Sometimes his fear of intimacy got the better of him; clouding his judgment until he convinced himself that everyone was better off without him.

But no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that getting close to Harry was futile and dangerous his conviction always wavered as soon as green tear-filled eyes stared at him in longing. 

“I just- you were so…..” Harry’s voice was merely above a whisper, hoarse from crying.   
The professor took Harry’s hand gently, his fingers stroking the other's palm soothingly. Silence filled the room once again as Snape thought of an appropriate answer that wouldn’t convey too much of his inner turmoil. He couldn’t find one in the tangled mess that was his thoughts and decided to go with the truth.

“I know, I am sorry. This--” Snape paused, furrowing his brows in concentration. Harry tilted his head, eagerly listening to his response. Snape’s heartbeat doubled for a moment and he could feel heat rise from his neck. He was very thankful for the fact that he didn’t blush easily and when he did it was well hidden, just at the nape of his neck.

“This is confusing, Harry. I want you to feel safe here and I wish I could be the friend you need right now, but I am not sure I am the right person.” The professor couldn’t believe that he was actually sharing his feelings so openly.

Harry bit his lips while letting the professor’s statement sink in. Only a week ago the thought of being friends with the potions master would have been ludicrous. If someone suggested it, he would have probably hit the person without hesitation at such an outrageous insult. Bashing the professor together with Ron in the Gryffindor common room was a regular occurrence, granting him laughs and pats on the back from the other Gryffindors. 

Their dislike for each other had somehow become infamous, causing the students to bet on how many hours of detention he would get in one week or Draco’s favorite game of “How many insults can the professor throw at Harry in one lesson?”. From what he heard, Draco had made a fair amount of money since almost all of Slytherin house made their bets each week. But underneath it all there had always been the faint longing to get the potions master’s approval which is why he always turned up well prepared to the potions lessons and gave his all to succeed with the tasks they were assigned. He would never have admitted it to anyone, he barely admitted it to himself, but winning an approving nod from the professor had always made him happier than it should have. 

Harry knew that Snape would never hesitate in protecting his students, with deadly force if necessary, and that had somehow always made him feel safe. The potions master had proven that he would fight fiercely to protect the students like the night in the fifth year when Voldemort made plans to attack the castle to kidnap and ultimately kill Harry. Snape prevented it by injuring the Dark Lord so badly that he wasn’t recognizable and was now rotting away in a moldy cell in Azkaban. 

Many nights filled with nightmares and little sleep, going through every possible bad scenario that could happen, from Vernon arriving at the castle to former Death Eaters killing him for revenge, he always came up with an escape route and a plan. The plans always involved Snape in one or another. Even if Harry at best had been unsure about the man’s morals before he saved him and the other students, he had always been convinced that if he wanted to survive in a dangerous situation he’d better team up with one of the powerful wizards. There were many powerful wizards and witches at Hogwarts, but only one he could rely upon to do what was necessary; even if it wasn’t right. Because sometimes there were no right choices, only bad ones.

That’s why it didn’t come as a total surprise that Harry felt safe around the man. What was surprising was how connected he felt to the potions master after only a few days. He would never have expected to long for the other’s touch or attention. 

“I feel safe with you,” Harry whispered, his eyes flickering between the professor and their intertwined hands. He wanted to convey how much it meant to him that the potions master provided a safe haven from torture and pain but he was at loss for words. Instead, he leaned forward; resting his forehead against Snape’s, mirroring the professor’s action from the previous night. 

Harry closed his eyes as he once again felt warm breath caressing his lips and felt the professor’s grip on his hand tighten. Conflicting emotions were displayed on the older man’s face; the stoic mask was gone. Harry had no problems relating to the confusion the other was feeling because he had harbored similar feelings since he arrived at Spinner’s End. Harry was afraid that Snape would pull back, but he stayed; his struggle with the sudden intimacy only evident in his elaborate breathing. Snape didn’t answer immediately instead he cupped Harry’s cheek, soft fingertips brushing over the skin under Harry’s eyes. Harry closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling of being close to another person. 

Because of the abuse Harry feared that he would never be able to accept another person’s touch.... But he had learned that if he trusted the person he could tolerate touches to some extent, like Hermione’s hugs. This was the first time Harry consciously enjoyed the sensation of another person’s skin touching his own. Harry leaned into the warmth of Snape’s touch, savoring the feeling of being protected. 

“I am sorry for calling you, Potter. I know you hate it but I guess old habits die hard.” Snape pulled back and started to wander around the kitchen, his fingertips touching in a thoughtful gesture. Harry nodded slowly, forgiving the professor immediately. The man had once saved his life and once saved his soul, so Harry would never again hold a childish grudge against him. 

“I like it when you call me Harry,” Harry blurted, covering his mouth with his hand immediately a horrified expression washing over his features. He blushed violently in shades of crimson causing Snape to chuckle lightly at the sight. 

“Well, in that case: please call me Severus.” 

Harry’s eyes widened in disbelief. He took his abandoned cup now filled with cold coffee to drink a sip, just to have something that would shield his face from the older man’s gaze. Harry was flustered and honored by the offer.

“Of course, Severus.” Harry’s face lit up in a wide grin that made his cheeks hurt. He couldn’t help himself but he loved how the name rolled off his tongue. The name was rich and smooth, like dark chocolate and coffee. Just like the man himself, both things demanded an acquired taste and were highly addictive. 

Harry had just begun to understand that spending his summer with the potions master could be one of the best things that ever happened to him including Snape saving his life. But back then he hadn’t been ready to feel gratitude for that, knowing that it only meant he had to go back to torture and abuse. He would have gladly died in fifth year, and that feeling hadn’t changed until now. For the first time in years, Harry wasn’t praying for death but for the chance at a life that wasn’t shadowed by the abuse. Severus had sparked hope deep inside of him and he was holding on to that one straw like a drowning man.


	7. Chapter 7

After their conversation, the tension between them subsided and was replaced by silent content as Snape joined Harry for breakfast at last. The pancakes were reheated and thanks to a spell tasted as if they were freshly made only minutes ago. Cold coffee was replaced by freshly brewed, spreading its scent throughout the kitchen. The conversation between Harry and Severus flowed freely, both avoiding heavy and triggering subjects. They engaged in friendly banter about which house had the best Quidditch team and Harry couldn’t stop laughing at Severus’ surprisingly good imitation of Professor Flitwick.The clock struck noon when Severus finally wiped his mouth with a napkin and excused himself from the table. Despite his earlier statement, he made sure that Harry knew that he could interrupt him at any time if he really needed anything.   
Harry smiled at that for a whole five minutes after the professor had closed the door to the potions lab silently.

The professor hadn’t bothered with cleaning up the kitchen with a spell so Harry proceeded to do it the old fashioned way, silently wishing he had already reached the age of 17. But until then he still had to put his wand away by the end of each term, not able to use magic without getting into trouble for it. He had broken that rule from time to time but only to defend himself or others. It was definitely not worth it to face a trial at the ministry of magic over some breakfast dishes. Harry immersed himself in housework, finding some comfort in the familiarity of the movements. He hadn’t much else to do so he didn’t rush, cleaning the kitchen until it looked shiny and welcoming. 

After a while of pacing back and forth in his room, Harry decided to find some reading material. As soon as his mind wasn’t occupied it focused on unwelcome thoughts or horrifying memories. Harry wished that he had some way to control his thoughts, but the only way he could suppress them was when he occupied his mind with other things. 

The collection of books in the house was an interesting mixture and Harry wondered briefly if Severus had chosen all of them on purpose or if it was just a random collection assembled over the years. After taking out several books and putting them back again he found a muggle crime novel with a plot that would hold his interest for more than five minutes. 

The plot focused on a bomb that was placed somewhere in London and a team of agents that needed to find said bomb with the help of some clues that the criminal mastermind left for them. It was well-written and Harry lost himself in the world of clues and codebreaking until the fabric of the sofa he was stretched across dipped at his feet. Startled, he looked up to see the potions master smile at him reassuringly. Harry relaxed his tense body and returned the other’s smile without hesitation. 

“It is a good read, isn’t it?” Severus pointed to the dog-eared paperback in Harry’s hands. 

“I can’t wait to find out where this bomb is,” Harry replied enthusiastically, closing the book after putting a piece of parchment between the pages to mark his progress. 

Dusk had begun to settle on Spinner’s End and Harry yawned hugely. He resumed a sitting position and leaned his head against the backrest of the soft sofa and closed his eyes for a moment.

“Tell me about your potions,” He mumbled stretching out his hand until it connected with the warm skin of Severus' arm. 

The professor shifted, taking Harry’s hand into his bigger ones after some hesitation, holding it tightly. Severus spoke about the potion he was currently working on. If everything went ahead as planned, he would be able to help victims of physical violence heal and recover faster. It was a spin on a traditional healing potion using a different set of herbs to aid the body’s natural ability to recover from wounds. 

“I wish there were such a healing potions for emotional wounds,” Harry stated and opened his eyes. 

Pain flickered in the depths of Severus' eyes before he regained control and nodded at Harry’s statement. The professor tightened his grip on Harry’s hand for a second before he resumed caressing it with his fingertips, his touches feathery and light like the wings of a butterfly. 

“Some wounds can never be healed entirely. But these wounds will stop hurting and eventually turn into scars. Those scars will always be a part of who you are, but not necessarily in a bad way. They can give you strength as well; be a reminder of the fights you fought and won.” Severus fell silent, trapped in his own memories and thoughts.

“Do you have scars, too?” Harry inquired; eyes round and intense. He scooted closer and Severus gave him a sad smile before he nodded slowly. 

“Yes I do, Harry. I can at least partly understand how you feel; what it is like to be subjected to pain and not be able to do anything about it but endure and pray that you will survive it.” The professor stopped abruptly, already regretting that he had said so much.

Snape turned his head away from green questioning eyes, wishing he hadn’t answered Harry’s question. The instinct to hide and run disappeared as soon as Harry’s head came to rest on his shoulder, one hand gently laid on his heart which doubled its efforts of pumping blood through his body while it was under attack by all sorts of feelings and sensations. 

Snape rarely talked about the abuse he suffered through his father; even Dumbledore didn’t know details about those painful years of his childhood. It was a difficult subject and most of the time Severus refused to even think about it. 

“Does it really stop hurting?” Harry inquired, his eyes never left the professor who reluctantly turned his head again to face Harry. Snape watched as the emotions changed on Harry’s face from compassion to sadness. Severus hated to be pitied but somehow Harry’s soft touches and compassionate eyes didn’t spark his usual anger and resentment. Snape wanted to give Harry hope that he could overcome his trauma but he didn’t want to pretend it was an easy path.

“Eventually it will. But it will take time and you have to fight hard to get there,” Severus whispered, feeling trapped between the wish to encourage Harry and the need to be honest with him. Harry’s eyes filled with tears and he repeatedly brushed them away. Snape put his arms around Harry’s slim frame and held him tightly. 

“What if I am not going to make it? What if I am not strong like you?” Harry cried, burying his face in Snape’s shoulder, hiding from the world; afraid of what the professor’s answer might be. Gentle fingers carded through Harry’s unruly hair, making him shiver at the sensation.

“But you are strong, Harry. Stronger than I have ever been. I chose to distance myself from everyone and everything because of the pain I experienced. Despite everything, you are still open and warm towards people, letting them get close and having the courage to trust your friends--“ Snape paused, “—and me.” Harry tightened his embrace, trying to convey how grateful he was without using words. He wasn’t sure his voice would hold under the strain of emotions. 

Snape leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the crown of Harry’s head. Somehow Harry’s vulnerability and trusting nature spurred a fierce protectiveness inside of him and he couldn’t resist comforting the crying boy.

“Do you think I will ever….” Harry’s words were muffled and he paused a long while before resuming the conversation. Snape gave him the time he needed, not wanting to push him too much. Severus rocked the boy back and forth for a while until he could feel that the tears had stopped and Harry breathed more evenly. 

“Do you think I will ever….you know….be able to be with someone, like romantically?” Harry sounded embarrassed, like he regretted the words as soon as they had left his mouth. Snape laid his hands on Harry’s shoulder and pushed the boy away from his body to look into his eyes. Harry looked flustered and Severus couldn’t resist the urge to cup Harry’s cheek.

“Of course, you will. In time you will fall for a beautiful girl and she will fall for you. I am not saying that it will be easy but I think you are going to get there if you have the right person by your side.” 

The image of Harry hand in hand with a girl flickered through Snape’s mind leaving him feeling empty and alone. Severus reminded himself that he had no right to feel that way because he had actively chosen not to become close to anyone. It was too late to regret that now or to wish for something that could never be. He was realistic and knew that aside from the stray nights spent in some unknown wizard’s bed, his love life would continue to be barren. Love and romance weren't topics he usually dwelled on and the conversation left him feeling uneasy. 

Harry snorted at the professor’s words, half amused and half horrified. Just the thought of dating a girl made him feel queasy and out of place. He wondered briefly if he should simply ignore the professor’s comment, but ultimately it was he who had started this uncomfortable conversation which he regretted intensely. But the question had been on his mind for a long time and Severus was the only person he could ask for advice.

“Girls…well, they are nice and all, but I am not really into them…” Harry explained, trying and failing not to blush in shades of ripe tomato. Only a few people knew that he liked boys; there had never been the need to tell anyone besides his closest friends. In the beginning, when he had discovered his sexuality he was horrified

Severus nodded, seemingly not surprised by the revelation. 

Harry was glad that the professor didn’t make a snarky remark; he wouldn’t have been able to deal with that. But Severus just smiled at him, tenderness washing over his face before he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Harry’s forehead. The professor’s lips felt slightly moist against Harry’s heated skin and he leaned into the touch. Being able to accept the closeness and even enjoy it, gave him hope that he someday would be able to trust someone like he trusted Severus. Someone who would be able to make him feel safe. 

Harry tried to conjure up his ideal boyfriend; a person he would be able to trust and fall for. His mind stayed blank for a long time until memories of black glistening eyes and pale skin illuminated by moonlight popped into his head. He shook his head violently to get rid of the images and focus his thoughts on future boyfriends. But his mind didn’t stop and threw haphazardly memories at him: elegant lips curved into a rare smile, breath ghosting over his mouth carrying the scent of peppermint and coffee. Harry swallowed thickly, trying to convince himself that these stray thoughts didn’t mean anything. However, it was pretty difficult to do that while being embraced by Severus’ strong arms, feeling the vibrations of the other’s heartbeat underneath his cheek, the memory of the man’s lips on his forehead still lingering on his skin. 

Harry’s heartbeat doubled at the realization that the man had turned from his enemy to his personal hero in only a few short days. Harry closed his eyes and sighed, his skin tingling where Snape’s fingertips touched him. The professor’s touches did not trigger a single flashback but evoked a myriad of other confusing feelings inside of him. The deep ache inside of him seemed to subside whenever Severus was close.

“I am sure there will be lots of boys out there dying to be with you, Harry” Severus answered sincerely, knowing that Harry had been popular amongst boys and girls in Hogwarts for a while. Harry had never returned any of the flirtations and it seemed like many of those having a crush on the-boy-who-lived finally gave up. 

Harry licked his chapped lips repeatedly, knowing that he had never been close to having a crush on anyone. Sure there were some students who had captured his attention because they were attractive, but it was never enough to hold his interest for longer than a few days. He had never felt the giddiness everyone associated with a crush: the frantic heartbeat, sweaty hands and butterflies in his stomach. Or at least he had never felt anything remotely like the descriptions in books and movies until his thoughts had wandered down a certainly dark, surprising, and tempting alley. 

Harry could hear his blood rush in his hears, causing sweat to trickle down his back. The professor’s words were nice and tender, spoken in a soft and low rumble somehow reminding Harry of melted chocolate. 

He yearned for someone who looked at him and saw Harry, not the-boy-who-lived. Someone who was strong, reliable but also captivating and interesting. Most of all he wanted to feel safe, cared for, and loved. 

Snape’s hair tickled the back of his neck as the man shifted his position. The strands of hair felt silky and soft against his neck causing goosebumps to erupt on Harry’s skin. Harry sighed knowing that the chances of meeting someone like Severus were slim. Even if he did, it would still take a long time until he could trust someone enough to reveal the ordeal he had gone through. But if he couldn’t talk about it, he knew another person would never understand why being physically close made him feel uneasy and anxious. He was 16 and it was kind of expected for him to have some romantic experiences. Just the thought of kissing a stranger had his mind gearing into panic mode. 

“It is never going to work,” Harry groaned desperately, pulling back from Severus’ embrace to scoot back to the edge of the sofa. He hugged his knees and shook his head forcefully. Harry was convinced that he would never be able to have a normal life with a normal relationship. He was slowly falling for the one person who would never even consider being with him. He didn’t understand how he could develop such intense feelings in only the short amount of time he had spent with the professor.

“Just imagine me meeting a guy and having a major breakdown the first time he tries to kiss me. He is gonna think I am a total nutjob. Even if he stayed around, he would demand an explanation that I am not willing to give to a complete stranger.” Harry ranted, anger coloring his voice. 

“Maybe you need someone you are somewhat familiar with,” the professor suggested, internally grimacing as Ron popped into his head.

“If you try to suggest that I should hit on Ron I am never ever going to talk to you again,” Harry said pointedly, raising one eyebrow at the professor. “That is just gross, he is like a brother,” Harry mumbled causing a wave of relief to wash through the professor which he immediately scolded himself for. He had no right to judge Harry’s romantic interests even if it would mean he had to watch Ron and Harry holding hands and kiss. An utterly disturbing thought. Snape chuckled lightly at Harry’s indignant tone and the horrified expression on the boy’s face. At least Harry had better taste than that, Severus mused. 

Harry took the abandoned crime novel and opened it, indicating that the conversation was over. His heart felt heavy, sorrow slowly spreading itself through his entire being. Snape’s suggestion left him feeling confused. Of course the man had thought he and Ron would be a perfect couple and why shouldn’t he? They were the same age and had been friends since the moment they met. Severus couldn’t possibly know that Harry’s thoughts and desires had a completely different target.

Snape felt like he was in way over his head with the whole romance issue but he understood Harry’s need to talk about his thoughts and fears. The potions master feared that he might give the boy bad advice given his own unsuccessful love life. 

Luckily, Harry’s issues weren’t based on a general mistrust towards people like his own, which opened up the possibility that Harry would be able to find someone to trust eventually. Severus was convinced that building trust would be the only way to reach Harry and help him accept physical closeness. Unfortunately, most teen boys weren’t especially patient when it came to that area and Snape feared that it would take Harry a while to accept the most basic of intimate actions. In his estimation, Harry needed a person who was willing to wait for Harry and would help him take baby steps towards a normal romantic relationship. Someone who was willing to make Harry’s well-being his first priority. Unfortunately, relationships between teenagers generally didn’t work that way which is why he understood Harry’s discouragement about the whole thing. For a moment his new protective side convinced him that no one would be gentle enough to treat Harry the way he deserved to be treated. The thought that no one out there could possibly understand Harry better than him had him shake his head in surprise. It had been a long time since he felt so much for another person and the feelings seemed to grow more intense by the hour.

The professor sighed before he turned around to take a book from the nearest shelf; one that he had borrowed from Dumbledore last summer but still hadn’t had the time to read. During summers he rarely left his lab for anything else other than food and sleep. This time, however, he didn’t want Harry to feel lonely after he had already spent the whole afternoon in the lab. The book was about ancient spells and he found it rather fascinating. The turning of pages was the only thing that was heard for a long while until Severus attention was drawn to Harry who shivered once in awhile.

The potions master looked up from his book and noticed the open window which let in somewhat cool air that spread throughout the room. It had been a warm day but as the time approached evening it had cooled down considerably;, the air carrying the scent of rain. Severus grabbed one of the blankets draped across the backrest of the sofa and put it around Harry’s shoulder with a smile. He closed the window with a motion of his wand and turned to see if Harry was warm and comfortable. Harry sat next to him, a shy expression showing on his face before he moved closer to the professor. 

“What about dinner? Are you hungry, Harry?” Severus asked and stood up from the edge of the sofa. 

“No, thanks,” Harry replied, shaking his head and giving the professor a wary smile. Harry’s stomach had been in knots since he realized that the clock approached nighttime. Instead of reading his novel his thoughts had focused on how he could stay awake longer. The images of the previous nightmare haunted him making him wish that he never needed to go to sleep again. 

Harry tried to find comfort in Severus’ presence right by his side. Thanks to the blanket, he was once again warm; his hand gripping the soft fabric tightly, reminding himself that he was safe in this house and with this man.

Darkness had turned the sky black and it had crept into the room. The small table lamp created a circle of light around them but the darkness lurked at the edges, creeping closer and closer. Harry hated the darkness because it reminded him of the darkness in his cupboard at the Dursley’s house. A darkness that had witnessed far too much pain. A darkness that carried the promise of torture and shame. 

“Harry, are you okay?” Severus questioned, taking a couple of steps to approach the sofa again. 

Harry just shook his head, trying not to let the horror that was slowly taking over him show on his face. It was difficult for him to keep his breath even with his heart pounding in his chest, sending waves of adrenaline through his body. Harry could tell that Severus wasn’t fooled and the man frowned at his silent answer. 

Harry felt sweat trickle down his spine and fear clawing at his insides. Gone were all thoughts of attraction and love; his mind had already geared into panic mode. He knew logically that he was safe and protected but horror held him captive at the thought of another night reliving a collection of horrible and painful moments in his life. Concern darkened Severus gaze as he carefully approached Harry as if he were a wild animal and not just a frightened boy. 

“Harry, just try to breathe, in and out,” the professor instructed and resumed his seat next to Harry on the sofa. 

Harry wondered why Severus seemed so concerned, but he guessed that he wasn’t doing a very good job at hiding his feelings. He couldn’t help but to lean against the reassuring safety provided by Severus’ physical presence next to him. Harry felt Snape’s body tense for a moment before he relaxed and put his arm around Harry’s shoulders. 

“I hate the darkness,” Harry whispered, drawing closer to the man until he was pressed flush against the other’s chest. Snape’s scent enveloped him and he took a deep breath, feeling how his heartbeat slowly calmed down. 

“I am so afraid of the nightmares. I just wish I could stay like this and never go to sleep.” Harry’s voice broke at the thought of what awaited him in the darkness of the night when he was alone and scared. Slender hands stroked his back soothingly and Harry focused on the movements to push away the fearful thoughts invading his mind and soul.

“Harry, you need to sleep, you can’t force yourself to stay awake all the time. Is there anything I can do to help you?” Snape asked his voice a low rumble that vibrated in his chest. 

Harry felt a sliver of hope as an idea came to mind. The professor was a potions master after all and Harry had read a lot about sleeping potions when he forced himself to stay awake, reading in the library until the early hours of the morning.

“You could….maybe…brew me a sleeping potion?” Harry left the safe place right under Severus' chin and looked at the man with widened eyes. 

Severus sighed in frustration. The thought of helping Harry with a sleeping potion had popped into his mind the previous night after the boy’s violent nightmare. He had given it a great deal of thought before dismissing the idea as too dangerous. Using sleeping potions once in awhile wasn’t too dangerous even though it had addicting qualities. But using sleeping potions as one’s last resort was way too dangerous. Harry would become addicted to the safe haven the potion would provide him until he couldn’t control it anymore. By then he would have to fight off a serious trauma and an addiction which was more than any human could endure. 

“I am sorry, Harry, it is too dangerous. It is too addictive…” the professor trailed off seeing anger emerge in emerald eyes. 

“Why? Why won’t you help me? Do you want me to be miserable? I cannot do this anymore, please…” Harry sobbed and struggled in Severus' arms to free himself from the embrace. Severus held onto him tightly knowing that even though Harry wanted to create distance between them right now, what he needed was closeness. 

“Please, help me!” Harry cried and struggled some more before he fell against the potions master with a whimper that broke the older man’s heart. 

“I promise I’ll help you. We will find another way, I promise,” Severus murmured softly into tousled locks of sweaty hair. Harry pressed his tear-wet cheek against the professor’s neck, sending goosebumps all over Snape’s body. It felt like Harry was trying to become one with Severus, seeking more closeness even though their bodies were already pressed close against each other. 

“Sev, I need you,” Harry whispered hoarsely, making Snape’s stomach flutter at the unusual use of his name. No one had ever cared enough to find a nickname for him and he felt strangely honored by the sentiment behind the simple words. 

“I am right here, I am not going anywhere,” Severus promised trying to convey this with words and with his body. Thoughts tumbled through his mind like leaves in the wind and somehow created an idea in his mind. Harry seemed to need the physical closeness to calm down and to focus on something else than his memory. Maybe it would help Harry if he wasn’t left alone to face his demons but had Severus right by his side. 

Snape frowned at his own idea. It seemed like a good idea but he was anxious at the same time. Even with all evidence pointing towards the fact that Harry was comforted by his hugs and touches, he was afraid that spending the night in the same bed as Harry would be too risky. After all, it was the presence of an altogether different man in Harry’s bed that had caused all of this. Once again, Severus was faced with the choice to trust his instincts or his logic.

“Harry, I have an offer. But before I explain it I need to clarify a few things first. I want you to know that you are safe with me and that I never would do anything to hurt you. You are in charge over your life and your body and I would never cross any boundaries you set up. I want you to know that you can tell me what you want and don’t want and I will never be angry or upset about it. I respect you. Do you understand that?”

Harry looked at the professor in astonishment. Snape’s gaze was intense and his expression serious. The tone of his voice impressed that this was important. Harry nodded, tears welling up in his eyes again, leaving him unable to find proper words. 

“Ok then,” Severus smiled softly and put his fingertip against Harry’s quivering lips for a split second before he removed it again.

“If it would make you feel safe you are welcome to spend the night in my room. I could conjure up another bed if you want or you could join me in mine. It is rather spacious. That way you wouldn’t be alone in the darkness…” Snape trailed off, biting his lip in uncertainty before he scolded himself for behaving like a teenager. 

Severus studied Harry’s face closely as he waited for an answer. He was prepared to withdraw his offer at any sign that it had made the other feel uncomfortable or afraid. Harry didn’t respond for a long while and Severus shifted nervously in his seat. He wondered if he had gone too far and misinterpreted the signs.

Harry leaned towards Snape. “I’d love to,” Harry whispered, his lips touching the sensitive skin on Severus' ear before he leaned back with burning eyes.

Severus stood up and extended a hand to Harry invitingly. When their hands joined Snape pulled Harry up and they both walked down the hallway together. They paused at Harry’s door so that he could get some of his things and change. Snape proceeded to his bedroom that he would share with Harry. 

Snape felt uncharacteristically jittery as he changed into black silk PJ bottoms. After some consideration, he chose to wear a plain white shirt instead of sleeping shirtless like he usually did. He folded the gray sheets aside and gave the room a quick once over making sure it looked tidy and welcoming. Harry hadn’t specified if he wanted to sleep in an extra bed so Snape decided to wait and see how Harry reacted when he entered the room. 

The bathroom door opened and Harry trudged into the room, nervously biting his nails. He wore shorts and an oversized shirt that reached down to Harry’s knees. Snape noticed Harry’s pale skin that highlighted his burning cheeks and intense gaze.

Snape stood paralyzed by his side of the bed, struggling between the longing to embrace Harry and hold him tight and the need for distance. Everything between them had all of a sudden became so intense; every touch marked his soul and cast his body in a state of nervous longing he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

Harry stepped closer and eyed the professor for a moment before he crawled into the bed. The sheets felt cool against his skin and he covered himself immediately with the blanket. He wasn’t cold but it gave him the opportunity to hide his face from the professor’s eyes. He felt more flustered and unsure than he liked to admit. 

Snape put out the lights, leaving the fire in the fireplace and a couple of candles placed throughout the room as the only light source. Harry had been so nervous when he entered the room that he didn’t dare to look around. Now he peeked from behind the sheets to keep himself from focusing on Severus who hesitated before he entered the bed as well. 

The room was dominated by the big four poster bed they were laying in. Against one wall was a closet and on the other side was a fireplace that seemed a little too big for the room. The fire crackled merrily and spread warmth that mingled with the cooler air coming in from the open window. The contrast created a wonderful feeling of freshness and warmth on Harry’s skin and he sighed contently. After studying his surroundings for a while, Harry turned over, meeting Severus dark gaze. The professor had left enough space between them to fit another person which left Harry feeling oddly disappointed. He tried to fight the need to crawl closer to his source of safety. 

For a moment Harry was surprised by his own feelings and thoughts. Sharing a bed with Severus Snape should not only feel surreal but also terrifying. Even though he logically knew that the situation was unusual, he couldn’t find any traces of fear or discomfort. The only thing he felt was a persistent longing that had nestled itself into Harry’s heart the first time he had felt Severus arms embracing him and that had grown more intense the last couple of days.

Harry felt confused as the thoughts tumbled through his head like a tornado of conflicting emotions. The conversation with Severus earlier had left him in a state of nervous hopefulness. The fact that the professor believed he could fight his demons and one day be able to live an ordinary life meant so much to him. The professor had been through a traumatic experience as well which made him feel more connected to the man than he had ever felt with anyone else, his friends included. Maybe that’s why Severus seemed to know exactly what to do to comfort him and make him feel safe.

Harry looked at Snape who rested his head on his pillow, one hand buried underneath it and the other stretched across the empty space between them. Harry cringed inwardly as he thought about all the times he had described the professor as being greasy and disgusting. Harsh words that he now regretted knowing that he had been so wrong. Harry wished that he could have seen the man for who he really was back then instead of his own made up version of him. But he wouldn’t have been ready to accept that Severus was the light in the darkness and fear that surrounded him.

Memories of the previous night flashed through his mind but this time it wasn’t the nightmare playing on repeat. Instead he remembered the feeling of Severus skin against his own, the softness of his touches and the feeling of being safe. Harry let his gaze wander over Severus’ body who quirked an eyebrow at the attention. Severus wore a white, tight fitting shirt that revealed his sharp collarbone. The shirt was thin and Harry’s eyes lingered on the dark contours of Severus nipples before he averted his gaze and swallowed thickly.

All the thoughts about the feelings he held for the man that he had discovered this afternoon came rushing back, resulting in the sudden need to feel Severus body against his own. He longed to be enveloped by the man’s distinct smell that he had come to associate with safety and protection. Once he had acknowledged the longing that had become too intense to ignore he felt more lighthearted and the thoughts of his romantic future didn’t seem so haunting and frightening anymore.

The professor smiled at him warmly, stretching his arm to touch Harry's shoulder lightly. It was an open invitation that Harry took immediately, snuggling against Snape’s broader body. Severus once again wrapped his arms around him, touching the small of his back lightly with one hand. The dim light allowed the anxious tension in Harry’s breast to subside.

Warmth surrounded him and he closed his eyes for a second. Fingertips caressed his cheek and couldn’t help but smile at the shyness of the gesture. There was something inside of him urging him to get closer to Severus; he longed to feel the other's skin against his own like he had last night. Harry concentrated on that feeling instead of dwelling on his fear for sleep. Severus made a noise of surprise as Harry nestled even closer, putting one leg between the two of his. He found the hem of Snape’s shirt and let his fingers glide under it until they connected with bare, warm skin. This caused the professor to draw back slightly.

“Harry—” Severus stopped abruptly, causing a shiver to run down Harry’s spine when he took Harry’s chin and tilted it upwards so that their eyes could meet. 

The touch was more determined than the others and Harry’s heart stopped for a beat before it resumed beating almost painfully. Harry’s mouth felt dry and he licked his lips repeatedly. Trapped between Severus' legs he felt every lean muscle that the man used to hide under billowing robes. Heat pooled in his stomach and his head felt dizzy in a way he had never felt before. Blood rushed in his ears and he could feel his own heartbeat getting faster and slowing down in irregular intervals.

All thoughts and fears of darkness and pain had been pushed to the back of Harry’s mind as he focused on the air that came from Severus' mouth and caressed his own before it disappeared. Harry didn’t know what the other searched for in his eyes but after a while, the dark orbs broke the connection and the professor’s gaze traveled down Harry’s face, pausing at his lips. 

Severus' eyes felt like fingers touching him lovingly and his mouth tingled from the unusual attention. Harry continued to caress Severus back, fascinated by the soft and warm skin. He gasped as the other let go of his chin and put his hand instead on his hips. He could feel Severus lift the hem of his shirt and hesitate before his fingertips brushed over the sensitive skin on his hipbone. Harry made a sound in the back of his throat that startled him because he had never heard himself like that before. Snape’s gaze darkened and his breath came in short pants, a fact that only added to the heat crashing in violent waves through Harry’s body.

“Harry, we need to stop, this—” Severus was interrupted once more when Harry threw his arms around the older man’s neck holding on for dear life.

“Please don’t go, please don’t stop. I need you!” Harry pleaded huskily, his hands gripping tightly at Snape’s back to keep him from creating distance between them. 

“Harry, I can’t…” Snape responded, desperately searching for words.

A deep longing and need pulsated through Snape’s body leaving him breathless. He tried everything to keep his body from reacting to Harry’s innocent touches but it was pure agony. He pictured every disgusting thing in the world he could up with from snails to his great aunt Rosie with the mustache. It was a battle he was bound to lose and the moment Harry moaned he wasn’t able to stop his erection from forming.

He tried immediately to distance himself from the boy, ashamed of his own thoughts and physical reactions. But Harry clung to him like a little monkey, refusing to let go of him. Snape knew that the moan had been involuntary; judging by Harry’s surprised look, it had been the first time he had made that sound. Logically, he knew that he should leave the bed and even leave the room to prevent them from doing something they would regret later on. But he couldn’t deny the pride that washed through him at the thought that he was able to cause Harry to feel that way. Harry, who had never known that those touches could bring pleasure, not only pain. 

He froze in horror when Harry moved involuntarily, connecting their groins. Harry stared at him for a while in silence and he felt trapped by those moss green eyes. He was so ashamed for his reaction that he swore he would do everything in his power to make Harry forgive him. But the emotions radiating from the boy weren’t fear and horror but curiosity and longing. Harry smiled warily before he rested his head against Severus' shoulders. He didn’t move from his previous position leaving Severus trapped by Harry’s body. 

“I am sorry, Harry….I would never….please forgive me…” Snape stammered, shame and regret coloring his voice. 

“It’s ok, Sev. I trust you.” Harry whispered, causing goosebumps to erupt all over Severus skin. 

Harry turned his head and brushed his lips over Severus' mouth. It was an invitation and despite all logic screaming at him not to do it, Severus leaned down capturing Harry’s lips with his mouth. Harry’s lips were slightly dry and incredibly warm. Severus let his lips linger without pressure giving Harry the opportunity to draw back if he needed to.

Snape buried his hands once again in Harry’s hair, pushing the strands back from the younger ones face. Their lips were still connected in a warm and chaste kiss and Snape’s fingers brushed over Harry’s ear causing him to tremble. Harry moved in Severus arms, colliding their bodies, causing a wave of pleasure rolling through Snape’s body, leaving him breathless. He let the tip of his tongue run over Harry’s bottom lip causing the boy to jerk. Snape paused immediately, slowly breaking their kiss and putting distance between them. He felt horrible for not being in control of his own feelings and actions.

“I am sorry, Harry. I shouldn’t have---“

His apology got cut short by Harry’s warm mouth connecting with his own. He couldn’t resist the temptation and sucked Harry’s lower lip into his mouth.

Harry mewled as sparks of pleasure jolted through his body. He had lost the ability to form coherent thoughts and could only concentrate on the sensations assaulting his body. Severus’ smell enveloping him and making him feel safe. The professor’s mouth was warm and inviting, tasting earthy like coffee. Harry had never thought that kissing could be so gentle, soft and tender. He had seen various students making out and it all had seemed so loud and forceful with generous amounts of saliva exchanged with another person. Harry had never found the thought appealing even if he knew that it was something that was part of a normal relationship. But Severus lips and tongue left him breathless, his body was tingling and a thrumming need forming inside of him. 

Severus' tongue brushed against his own playfully before the professor once again broke their kiss. Harry panted not able to control his body’s reactions to what was happening.  
“Harry, are you ok?” Snape asked concerned, his hand still pressed against the small of Harry’s back. 

Harry had a difficult time coming up with a good answer while he wanted nothing more but to feel the professor’s mouth against his again. But the look on the other’s face told him that he expected an answer this time around.

“Yes, I am. This is…uhm….this feels….” Harry stopped, suddenly uncertain and a little embarrassed. “I like this,” he concluded, cringing inwardly at how stupid he sounded. But Snape’s eyes glistened in response and he cupped Harry’s cheek again. 

“This is not too much? This afternoon you were rather apprehensive of kissing,” Snape inquired, caressing Harry’s cheek.

“I was apprehensive of kissing a stranger. Plus I didn’t think it would be like this. So tender,” Harry whispered, unsure of how to put his feelings into words. 

Snape brushed his lips once again over Harry’s, their lips barely meeting before they were gone leaving Harry to long for more.

“Harry, I am just afraid that I’ll trigger something bad in you when we do this,” Snape explained, connecting his eyes with Harry’s. He had to make sure that Harry was ok even if it meant he had to ask Harry so bluntly about it. 

A frown appeared on Harry’s face and Severus felt guilty for being the one who put it there. But the boy’s safety was his responsibility and he would never forgive himself if he pushed him into something he didn’t want to do. Snape kissed the tip of Harry’s nose in an effort to erase the frown and earned a small smile from Harry. Harry took a deep breath, his chest rose against Severus own before he exhaled slowly.

“This doesn’t remind me of….him. It. He never….kissed me, or touched me other than…you know the parts of my body he was interested in.” A single tear rolled down Harry’s cheek and Severus leaned forward to catch it with his lips. 

“You are so brave, Harry,” Severus whispered against Harry’s ear, placing a small kiss on the shell. Somehow in all the darkness and torture Harry had endured, he was glad that his tormentor hadn’t taken away from him the ability to find pleasure in tender touches and kisses. It wasn’t much but it was still something to build on. Severus would be honored if Harry decided to build on that together with him.


	8. Chapter 8

Content silence followed their talk, once in a while interrupted by playful and tender kisses. Severus made sure that he never let his passion get the better of him and pulled back when he felt that he couldn’t control himself. It took a long while but at last Harry was so relaxed that he couldn’t keep his eyes open. The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was dark eyes and kiss swollen lips curved into a smile. Safe in Severus’ arms Harry could let go of his fears and accept the dark embrace of sleep. Harry’s sleep wasn’t undisturbed but it was more peaceful than the previous night. He still tossed and turned, painful sounds escaping the sleeping boy. Harry never fully awoke because Severus was at his side as soon as he noticed the signs of a nightmare and calmed Harry by whispering soothing words of safety and protection until Harry’s tense body relaxed once again in Severus’ arms. 

When Harry woke up he felt disoriented for a moment. The world around him was a blur of light and colors making it impossible for Harry to focus his eyes. He sighed and wished for the millionth time he had perfect eyesight and would be able to wake up in the mornings to a world in focus. The pillow next to him was empty but it felt still warm as Harry rested his hand on top of it. The sheets had partially slipped to the floor leaving him without a blanket. He didn’t mind though because the room had a comfortable temperature. Severus’ scent still clung to the pillow and Harry couldn’t resist burying his face in the soft fabric. The memory of sweet kisses and chaste touches made his stomach flutter and colored his cheeks. Harry felt giddy as he listened to the sounds coming from the bathroom; water splashing and the bathroom cabinet opening and closing. He closed his eyes and felt completely safe and content, surrounded by warmth and the knowledge that Severus was only a few feet away. Harry slowly drifted off to sleep again soothed by the familiar sounds but woke up with a small scream as something wet hit his face. Harry’s eyes widened in horror until he recognized Snape’s face above his own. The man’s black hair was wet from the shower and slowly dripping water onto Harry’s face. 

Snape was shirtless and smelled of lemon and pine. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and Harry couldn’t help but stare at him once again wishing he could see more. All thoughts and wishes disappeared from his mind when slightly wet lips brushed over his own, followed by a warm tongue dipping into his mouth. It lasted only a second before Snape broke the kiss and Harry growled in frustration. Snape had done this the previous evening countless times, kissing him tenderly just to stop when Harry started to crave more. Severus chuckled and leaned down, his wet hair forming a curtain over Harry’s face. He placed small kisses on Harry’s jawline causing him to throw his arms around Severus' neck, drawing him closer. The rougher fabric of the towel rasped against the sensitive skin on Harry’s thigh and he exhaled in pleasure, holding on to the professor with both arms. Snape’s skin felt damp and slightly cold from the shower as it connected with Harry’s when the professor lifted the hem of Harry’s shirt an inch so that their bare stomachs touched. 

Harry hesitated before he wrapped his legs around the professor’s waist, earning a surprised moan from the older man. Blood pumped through Harry’s veins making him feel like he was trapped on the highest point on a roller coaster just before it starts its ride downwards. His skin tingled as Snape’s open-mouthed kisses grew hotter; wet and warm tongue sliding over his jaw to lick all the way to his earlobes. Harry rocked his hips almost unconsciously into the lean body covering his, a jolt of pure pleasure almost painfully ripping through him at the contact. Severus grabbed the hem of his shirt and looked questioningly at Harry. Harry nodded and lifted his arms, aiding the other man in freeing him from his nightshirt. The muscles in his stomach twitched as a slender hand caressed the skin around his belly button, moving in slow circles upwards. 

Snape brushed over Harry’s nipples with the pads of his thumbs, making him shiver at the unusual sensation. Harry hadn’t time to get used to it before wet heat surrounded his nipples and a tongue flicked at the hard nubs. Harry keened, seeking contact with his groin until he found the hardness he was looking for. Harry breathed heavily, holding onto Severus’ back hard. Last night the man had stopped every time they got too carried away but thankfully he seemed to have other plans this morning. He took Harry’s nipples between his teeth, sucking lightly until a wave of heat rolled through Harry’s body. Just as Harry’s longing for the other’s mouth on his became unbearable Snape let go of his chest and kissed him sloppily, tongue claiming Harry’s mouth and teeth scraping against Harry’s lips. Harry rocked his hips, frustrated with the immobility of the older man. He wanted to feel more of him and plunged his tongue into Severus warm mouth, desperate for contact of any kind. Snape hesitated for a moment before he let his groin collide with Harry’s in a slow rocking motion. 

Harry didn’t know what changed his mood but a tremble took over his body all of a sudden; his hands were covered in sticky cold sweat in a matter of seconds. Harry tried to focus on Severus’ warm mouth and wet tongue tickling the roof of his mouth. The desire that had filled his entire being only seconds ago was replaced by uncertainty and a painful tension that tightened his chest. The rough fabric of the damp towel wrapped around Snape’s waist that had caused Harry’s skin to erupt in goosebumps of pleasure only minutes ago felt now uncomfortable against his heated skin. The strong grip of Severus' hands caused discomfort on his oversensitive skin and the older man’s tongue in his mouth took quite literally his breath away. 

The memory of another body lured in the shadows of his mind; sickeningly mushy flesh pressed against his own and sweaty hands roaming his body, leaving invisible marks. Harry tried to fight the memory off, intent on not letting the past invade the present. He tried to focus on Severus’ hands and mouth on him but his mind betrayed him, showing him flashes of ugly naked flesh, red and aggressive; the sound of his own blood slowly dripping on the floor invaded his ears. The feeling of being trapped between the past and the present caused his heart to beat faster.  
Harry felt vulnerable and exposed, sending shivers down his back. Logically he knew that Severus would never hurt him but he couldn’t stop his mind from taking control over his body. Adrenaline crashed in violent waves through his body urging him to run and hide. Harry shut his eyes forcefully, breathing shallowly through his mouth in short, painful pants when Severus broke the kiss. He scolded himself for overreacting; trying to convince himself that everything that was happening between him and Severus was completely natural and wouldn’t lead to torture and pain.

Severus saw the pain crossing Harry’s features, replacing the lust filled daze in the boy’s eyes. He stilled the movements of his body even though every fiber of his being screamed at him to continue until he found his much-needed release. Slowly he let his body glide off the other’s, landing safely next to Harry. He immediately wrapped his arms around the trembling boy, pressing a tender kiss to his temple. 

“Baby, you are safe. I promise,” He murmured in the hair of the other and sighed relieved when he could feel the tremble that had taken over Harry’s body slowly subside. 

“Are you okay, Harry?” Severus murmured concerned, shame coloring his voice. 

Harry’s cheek against his shoulder felt warm and his forehead damp, cold sweat darkening the boy’s hairline. Severus knew that he should have never let himself get carried away. It was a mistake to kiss the boy yesterday and assume today that he was ready for anything more than chaste kisses. His logic had screamed at him but he had chosen to ignore it, filled with a deep longing and painful desire to be close to Harry. It had only taken him one night to completely forget that Harry was a minor left in his care, a traumatized one at that. He had no right to take advantage of Harry’s vulnerability and need for comfort. 

“I am sorry, Harry. We should never have done this.” The professor continued when he didn’t receive an answer to his inquiry. Snape broke the embrace and put some distance between him and Harry. 

Green surprised eyes followed his every move, unshed tears glistening in their depths. Snape closed his eyes for a moment to avoid the other’s burning gaze. He had crossed a line that should have never been crossed and was afraid that he had traumatized the boy even further. Snape had never hated himself like he did right then, not even over the years as a Death Eater when he had been forced to torture and hurt innocent people. Hurting Harry was so much worse, it filled his soul with dread and terror. For a short moment, he could almost hear his father yell at him that he was good for nothing, only bringing shame and pain to his family and others. Severus scolded himself for the way he was thinking and reminded himself that he would never hurt Harry on purpose. He had inflicted torture and pain to innocent people far too many times in his life but he vowed that Harry would never be one of them.

“Sev, no. I wanted this….I just….I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was. It is not your fault.” Harry whispered, tears sliding down his cheeks and slowly dripping onto the pillow leaving wet patches in their wake. He stretched his hand across the empty space that the professor had created between them. But Snape jerked away from Harry’s touch, his eyes had turned almost black and his lips were pressed into a thin line. Harry could still feel the echo of those soft lips capturing his own in a heated kiss and he felt bad for turning the pleasure that they both had felt into something wrong. 

“This is wrong, Harry. You are a minor and you need protection. I promised to help you not take advantage of you,” Snape spat, disgust dripping from his voice. 

“Sev, please you have not taken advantage. I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to be close to you and feel you. I do not regret it, I enjoyed being close to you so much. But somehow my mind took over and I felt like I was trapped between my memories and what was actually happening.” Harry explained calmly, ignoring the tears still streaming down his face and the anxiety taking over his heart. 

Severus had left the bed and stood with his back to the closet, chest heaving in elaborate breaths, his hair still wet from the shower. His hands were balled into fists and he shook his head as if he wanted to physically reject the morning's events. 

Harry crawled to the edge of the bed until there were only a couple of inches separating him from the older man who seemed paralyzed. Harry reached out until he could press his palm against the soft skin of the other's chest, right above his heart. He could feel Severus’ heartbeat quicken under his hand but he didn’t remove it. 

“I need you, Sev. I need you by my side. I won’t make it without you.” Harry almost choked on the last words, sobs forcing their way as he gave into the fear of losing the one person he trusted and cared about because he couldn’t control his traitorous mind. 

The seconds ticked by in silence, accompanied by Harry’s sniffles. Severus still hadn’t moved so Harry stayed put as well, kneeling in an uncomfortable position. Harry’s shoulders slumped eventually and he rested his forehead against the other's stomach. He breathed in the scent of soap and the earthiness of Snape’s skin. Soft, black hair tickled his cheek and Harry sighed, pressing his lips against sensitive skin stretching over lean muscle. Severus’ muscles twitched underneath Harry’s lips but he didn’t stop only pressed closer, his arms wrapped around Snape's waist. It felt like an eternity had passed when Severus finally embraced Harry; his hands coming to rest on Harry’s shoulders. Fingertips caressed Harry's skin until he couldn’t help but sigh in pleasure. 

“I won’t leave, Harry. I promise. You don’t need to be with me like that in order for me to stay. I will stay either way and protect you.” Severus tightened the embrace before he laid one finger under Harry’s chin, tilting it upwards so that their eyes could connect.

“I know, Sev. I am not doing this because I think your protection comes with strings attached. I am doing it because I WANT TO. I NEED TO!” Harry exclaimed, a fire burning deep in his eyes that left Severus speechless. 

“I want you, Sev. Everything.” Harry whispered, his face blushing from the professor’s intense gaze. 

The statement was strong; Harry’s voice left no room for interpretation on how serious he took the development of their relationship. Severus old companions ‘uncertainty and doubt’ came to life for a second before another feeling drowned them completely. Warmth flooded Severus’ entire being and he couldn’t help but smile so intensely that his cheeks hurt with the effort. He suspected that he looked like a hormone crazed teenager on a first date with his crush but he couldn’t find it in himself to gather his dignity. Instead, he leaned forward showering Harry’s face with soft kisses, his lips caressing the delicate skin underneath Harry’s eyes and moving on to lick at the sweet spot right under Harry’s ear. Harry’s initial giggles turned into low pants when Severus attached his mouth to Harry’s neck and started sucking. Despite his new found inner teenager, he stopped before he left a mark, releasing the wet skin with a smack. Harry’s eyes were round and he looked surprised and pleased at the same time. Severus couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight, given that he had acted out of character all morning. Truth be told, he had not the faintest idea of how to act in a situation like this. He had never been close to people and he had certainly never been attracted to a student or felt the fierce protectiveness he felt towards Harry. 

“You can have everything I have to offer. Though I am afraid that it is not much,” Snape replied to Harry’s earlier statement. His words sounded bitter but his voice didn’t hold the usual resentment and self-loathing.

Harry frowned at that and finally sat back on the bed, giving his knees the opportunity to regain a more comfortable position. He looked at Snape intently, wondering how the other could not see how truly fantastic and stunning he was; just looking at him made Harry’s stomach flutter and his knees weak. The memory of Snape’s kisses still lingered on Harry’s skin causing his heart to double its speed. 

“You are my hero,” Harry stated firmly, daring the professor with his eyes to reject that statement. But Snape didn’t oppose, instead he smiled that special smile Harry hadn’t seen before this morning. It lit up the other’s face and transformed it completely. Harry vowed silently that he would do everything in his power to bring forth that smile more often. The world was so much bleaker without it.

“I am your hero, always at your service,” Severus replied, quirking an eyebrow at Harry. The friendly sarcasm beneath his words caused Harry to grin in response.

“Really? Always at my service? In that case: I have a request!” Harry stated boldly, winking at the potions master who seemed a bit taken aback by the force in Harry’s voice.   
The professor leaned forward once again, brushing his lips over Harry’s ear.

 

“Well, let’s hear it then,” Snape whispered, his voice velvety like molten chocolate and his breath hot against Harry’s ear. The words made Harry think of totally different requests, involving tongues and skin. Harry inhaled to gather his thoughts because what he wanted to ask had lingered in the back of his mind since they arrived in Spinner’s End. 

“I’d like to contact Hermione. I really miss her. I know you hate owls but when we arrived I saw a Muggle phone booth at the end of the street. Hermione is at home with her parents and they have a phone, so I could contact her if it is ok with you,” Harry confessed, biting his lips nervously. He had no idea how Snape would react, most witches and wizards were wary of Muggle inventions like the telephone or television. 

“Of course, Harry. Just let us get some breakfast first and then we can look into that.” Snape replied, causing Harry’s nervousness to subside. Harry thought that it sounded like a wonderful plan, his stomach growling in confirmation.

Breakfast was quiet this morning, comfortable silence stretched between Severus who was reading the paper and Harry who once again was totally immersed in the food Severus had prepared for them. His plate was a mix of chocolate pancakes, eggs, and sausages all drowning in ketchup. Severus felt his stomach turning at the thought of eating all that. Severus ate a fresh grapefruit instead and nibbled at some buttered toast, silently enjoying Harry’s appetite. 

Severus read an article about an unknown wizard who had caused a scene at Gringotts; disappearing before he could be apprehended by the goblins. Now and then Severus glanced over at Harry, his eyes lingering at the spot on Harry’s neck that he had kissed so feverishly and that had turned a shade of purple to his embarrassment. Harry didn’t seem to mind; at least he hadn’t acknowledged the offensive hickey. If someone had told him a few weeks ago that he would kiss someone so passionately that he would leave a hickey by accident he would have burst out in laughter at the silliness of the statement. If the same someone would have told him the person he felt so passionately about was one Harry Potter he would probably have hexed the poor sod halfway through Britain. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened whereas everything else had, leaving him with a feeling of embarrassment at his own foolish behavior. It almost seemed as if he had forgotten that he was Severus Snape, talented potions master who was respected by some and feared by many. However, right now he couldn’t care less about all that because he still nursed a sense of pride fueled by every dimpled, glistening eyed smile Harry bestowed upon him. 

“So, how does this muggle machine work, Harry? I guess you do something and by some magic, you can talk to Hermione? Like floo powder?” Severus inquired and downed the now cold remains of his morning tea. 

Harry chuckled and wiped his mouth with a napkin that floated towards the kitchen and the trash bin as soon as Harry was finished. 

“Not magic, just pure creativity and forward-thinking made that possible. Technology. Even though this particular invention is rather old,” Harry continued, noticing Severus frown. Even if Severus tried to be open-minded the skepticism radiated from the man. 

“It is actually not that interesting how it works. The important thing is that I can talk to Hermione, yes.”

Severus left his place at the table and waved his wand in an intricate pattern setting all sorts of actions in motion. Dishes flew towards the sink and started cleaning themselves, a pink sponge bobbing up and down in synchrony with a checkered towel that dried the clean plates. 

“What do you need to make it work?” Severus asked while Harry stared at the buzzing activity of enchanted objects around him. He had been a guest at the Burrow a couple of times but he had never gotten used to the casual use of magic in daily life. It still astonished him that even though he was a wizard himself. Finding out so late of his wizarding heritage had caused him to think of magic as a sacred gift, one that he wouldn’t use for such trivial tasks as doing the dishes. 

“Yes; I need money, just a couple of pounds. Muggle money,” He specified, seeing a look of confusion descending onto Severus elegant features. 

“I think I might have some of these coins left by my father, I think I have seen them somewhere in the attic.”

“You still keep your fathers things?” Harry asked curiously, looking in surprise at Severus who didn’t seem the type to hold onto sentiments like saving things from his parents.

“I can’t see why this would be any of your business,” Severus replied coldly, leaving the room in fast wide strides that Harry knew all too well. The stairs creaked loudly as Snape climbed the two flights of stairs that led to the attic. Harry followed the man with his eyes, his gaze lingering for a minute on the curve of Severus’ ass highlighted by the tight fit of his gray woolen trousers. Harry heard Severus rummaging through the attic, cabinets being opened and closed and a low coughing. While he waited Harry’s mind was occupied by the question of how Severus’ arse would look like without trousers or underwear. Harry remembered the elegant curve of Severus back and the feel of firm muscles underneath his palm this morning. 

Harry hadn’t heard Severus descending the stairs and was startled by an outstretched hand containing a couple of dusty pounds. Harry swallowed thickly, trying to chase away the images that had nestled themselves into his brain, distracting his thoughts. Severus quirked an eyebrow; a small smile tugging at the edge of his mouth.

“You care to tell me why your face has this peculiar crimson color, Harry?” Severus taunted, causing said color to darken three shades.

“No, I just….I didn’t….,” Harry said weakly, his eyes caught by a dark gaze.

Harry’s pulse quickened considerably when slightly cold fingers closed around his wrist, soft fingertips resting lightly against Harry’s skin. The desire to bury his fingers in the silken strands of Severus’ black hair overwhelmed Harry and he couldn’t stop himself before his hands reached the other’s head, buried in waves of raven hair. Onyx eyes widened and Severus breath quickened as it ghosted warm over Harry’s face. They were so close that Harry could see the perfection of porcelain skin and red velvety lips. Onyx eyes, shifting in shades of dark brown and black; holding an array of emotions. Forgotten were cold words spoken harshly and curious questions asked innocently. Warm lips met in a brief kiss before they pulled apart.

“I better get going if I want to reach Hermione. I know she helps her parents at the practice after lunch.” Harry explained, taking the money from Severus with a smile while his fingertips lingered longer on the other’s palm than absolutely necessary. 

“Do you want me to accompany you, Harry?” Severus asked, stepping back to create distance between the two of them.

“No, I think I will be fine. Plus it may raise suspicion if two of us are lurking about an old phone booth no one is actually using anymore.”

“What? Why? I thought you said it is a proper means of communication?”

Harry just shook his head and giggled. 

“Long story, Sev,” Harry replied casually, winking at the older wizard meaningfully.  
Severus mumbled something under his breath but smiled then at Harry who already beamed at the prospect of talking to one of his best friends.

“Very well then. But please take your wand with you. Better safe than sorry. You know that there are some Death Eaters out there who would very much like some revenge. I don’t like the thought of you being alone and wandless out there.” Snape motioned with his hands towards the window overlooking the deserted street. 

“I will be attending to my potions while you talk to Hermione, so you don’t have to hurry.” 

Harry nodded while Severus called for Harry’s wand that came slowly floating from upstairs and positioned itself in Harry's hand before it got safely tucked away in his sweater. 

“See you in a bit,” Harry leaned forward to brush his lips over Severus' cheek, smiling at the stubble he felt against his lips.

A little bit later Harry wandered down the street wondering why it was so deserted. All windows were closed and no music blasted from some unknown teenager’s room. Where was everyone at? The few cars that still seemed functioning were gone and Harry realized that he did not have the faintest idea what weekday it was. He had lost track of time while he stayed with Severus, totally immersed in their own world with their own routines. Harry concluded that it must be a weekday and probably most people were at work, or at least the people that had work around here. Some houses seemed so run down that Harry suspected that their inhabitants didn’t have a steady income. 

Harry hummed the tune he had heard on the day of his arrival slowly, a smile spreading across his face as he contemplated that he and Severus really collided, in the best possible way. In a sexy, breathtaking kind of way. Harry chuckled at the directions of his thoughts. It was indeed surprising how his mind was able to focus on the positive sides of the physical relationship between him and Severus. It gave him hope that given some time he would be able to overcome his fears and trust Severus enough to have a relationship with him that involved more than kissing.

When Harry reached the phone booth he frowned in suspicion. A large drawing adorned the front of the booth and the door was slightly ajar, leaving a gap the size of a hand. The phone inside looked like it hadn’t been replaced for at least 20 years, dust covering the black plastic adding to the notion that it was ancient. Harry entered the booth and wrinkled his nose at the sweetly smell of decay coming from a half-eaten sandwich rotting away in one corner. Harry shuddered and almost backed out from his plan. It was the overwhelmingly strong longing to tell someone about him and Severus that made him reach for the phone. He wiped it a couple of times on his sweater before he held it to his ear. A steady beeping sound indicated that the phone was still working, much to Harry’s surprise. He had the number of Hermione’s parents’ home memorized in case of an emergency even though he had never used it before. The silvery buttons felt sticky underneath his fingertips as he started to dial the number. Harry had turned around, facing the phone sideways to avoid the worst smell and seeing the flies gather on the rotting food. The buzzing he heard was enough to give him the creeps. 

Harry lifted his eyes for a moment and his hand froze in midair, his breath caught in his lungs. His heartbeat doubled and cold sweat gathered at the small of his back in a matter of seconds. Harry told himself that he was hallucinating and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in an effort to ground himself. When he opened his eyes again the sight before him hadn’t changed and a quiet whimper escaped Harry. Harry held the phone in a white-knuckled grip, his heart pounding in his chest and his blood rushing in his ears. 

A few feet down the street, at one particular run down house the front door had opened, first revealing a man in his thirties, wearing a white stained shirt and jeans hanging low on his narrow waist. He had a cigarette between his fingers, waving it back and forth while vividly talking to another man. Vernon Dursley seemed out of place in his gray suit with black tie, a leather bag clutched to his chest. His face had its usual red color and he shook his head a couple of times, dismissing the words of the other with a condescending gesture. 

“No, no, no, no, please no,” Harry chanted, trying to convince himself that his eyes were betraying him and that Vernon was not anywhere near him. Harry took a step back until his back painfully collided with hard glass. Harry tried to breathe calmly but it felt like he had been running a marathon, his lungs refusing to cooperate. The sticky warm air trapped in the phone booth made it impossible for him to breathe properly and he felt dizzy. The two man shook hands and Vernon walked slowly back to the street, heading for a car that looked as out of place as he did with shiny chrome and big tires. With every step that Vernon took Harry’s fear increased, teeth chattering and hands trembling until he couldn’t hold the phone anymore. The phone fell on the metallic structure that once upon a time had held a phone book. The noise of cracking plastic and old metal clattering was deafening and alerted the other man. Vernon looked up from the papers he was holding in one hand and their eyes met.

Pure horror swept through Harry and he knew that Vernon would come for him, doing unspeakable things before he would finally kill him. When Vernon opened his mouth and formed Harry’s name his survival instincts kicked in. Harry shook like a leaf, hearing the crunching of gravel underneath Vernon’s shoes as he approached the booth. He sank to the floor but managed to get a grip on his wand, the cool wood providing much-needed reassurance. Harry’s mind reeled and he couldn’t think of any good spell that would help him. His mind filled with the sounds of tearing flesh and disgusting moans. Harry knew that he needed to fight this time but he felt so alone and vulnerable. His eyes fell upon his dark green shirt, the one he had borrowed from Severus after their encounter this morning. Harry realized that he wasn’t alone and that he had someone who would protect him if he just could alert him that he was needed.   
Harry closed his eyes, shutting the world around him out forcefully. He focused instead on the memory of soft kisses exchanged with the man he loved. 

“Expecto patronum,” Harry whispered, not daring to open his eyes. Instead, he lingered inside the memory for a few more precious seconds before he had to face reality. 

“Find Severus!” he added pleadingly. Harry knew that he wouldn’t be able to fight off the panic and horror if he saw the man approaching him who had caused him so much pain. Instead, he buried his face in his hands chanting one name over and over again. Sobs racked his body and tears fell steadily. The door was yanked open violently, crashing against the frame of the booth. The sound of metal scraping on metal invaded his ears before everything went quiet and the only thing he could hear was heavy breathing that he knew all too well.


	9. Chapter 9

After Harry had left Severus turned his attention to his neglected potions. Usually he brewed double the amount of potions in a day than he had brewed since they arrived at Spinner’s End. Snape smiled as his mind lingered on the reason for his lack of concentration. Potions had always been his passion; he enjoyed the long days of brewing in his lab only accompanied by the silence surrounding him. The potions lab had always been his safe haven, where he felt calm and comfortable. This, however, had changed from the moment he had encountered Harry, frozen and desperate in a dark hallway at Hogwarts. Instead of fully immersing himself in the process of chopping ingredients, stirring potions and mumbling spells, Harry stayed at the forefront of his mind. Snape was used to being distracted by outside forces at Hogwarts; yelling students; fights amongst Gryffindors and Slytherins that he had to stop, other teachers needing his help or attention. These distractions had never invaded Spinner’s End which made it so much more frustrating that it was his own mind that provided him with distractions in the form of images of Harry's naked chest or Harry’s kiss swollen lips.

Severus sighed and put the knife down that he was currently holding in a tight grip. He had chopped Dittany and added it to the healing potion while the cauldron still hung above fire and therefore ruining the herbs healing qualities. The herb that slowly sizzled in the hot potion spread a bitter scent throughout the room. 

Snape shook his head in disapproval at his own behavior and waste of expensive ingredients. He put out the fire with a motion of his wand and wandered over to the window that overlooked the main street. He couldn’t see the phone booth from his location because the street curved but he kept staring nonetheless. Somehow he couldn’t find the motivation to begin another potion and wished that Harry would return soon, dragging him away from his lab with those dimpled smiles and pleading eyes he couldn’t say no to.

Something glittering caught his eye, a silvery shine that approached from the far end of the street. Severus frowned at the unusual sight but then his heart stopped for a second. Racing towards him at an unusual speed was a shimmering, silvery stag with aggressively lowered horns as if it was ready to attack any moment. Severus had no problems identifying Harry’s patronus even though he had never seen it in person. The stag was every part as beautiful as rumor had it but the pure fear filling Severus entire being made it impossible for him to acknowledge the stag’s beauty.  
In a matter of seconds he drew his wand while running out of the lab and towards the front door. The door crashed against its old wooden frames as Snape opened it violently, pointing his wand to produce his own patronus. An elegant doe joined the stag and Severus heart stopped once again, for different reasons altogether. The doe approached the stag and their heads touched in an intimate gesture before they turned around and raced towards the end of the street. Severus had no idea what kind of danger Harry was in but his blood had turned to ice the moment he had spotted Harry’s patronus. He closed his eyes and apparated. He silently prayed to Merlin that he wouldn’t be too late to save Harry. For a moment Snape thought of the chaos he created by using magic so visible to all muggles around him. He couldn’t care less though, his sole focus was Harry’s safety and well-being. Depending on the danger that had forced Harry to send his patronus he wouldn’t have a choice but to use more forceful magic that certainly would alert the muggles around him. He could deal with the consequences later when Harry was safe in his arms.

The scene he arrived to had him startled and confused. He saw Harry lying on the floor inside a dirty box with a door that sat askew. Snape figured that this thing must be the phone booth Harry had talked about at breakfast. Harry’s body covered the entire floor of the booth, his hands pressed to his face. Quite heartbreakingly vulnerable sobs filled the silence accompanied by the elaborate breathing coming from a chubby,red-faced man who looked at Severus with wide eyes. He had one hand pressed to his mouth and taken three steps back as Severus arrived. The fear radiating from Harry left no doubt regarding the identity of the man. Harry’s and Severus’ patronuses had positioned themselves between Harry and his uncle. Vernon obviously didn’t know that they held no real power because he cast frightened glances at the shimmering animals made of stardust and hope. Only an ignorant and narrow-minded person would be afraid of these beautiful creatures that symbolized everything that was good in this world. Maybe the evil inside of Vernon reacted so strongly against this creatures of love. 

“You freaks, you disgusting freaks!” Vernon yelled but the man’s courage faltered as Snape approached him in fast strides, robes billowing, and eyes dark as the night sky.

“Just shut up,” Snape whispered between gritted teeth and pointed his wand at the man. 

Magical tape appeared, covering Vernon’s mouth to eliminate any sound. Vernon’s eyes bulged, his face all of a sudden blanching. Sweat gathered on his forehead, slowly sliding in big droplets down his cheeks. Snape shuddered, disgust written all over his face. The thought that this man had done unspeakable things to Harry made his stomach reel and his blood boil in pure blinding rage. He had to fight the urge to torture the man with a cruciatus curse. The only thing that kept him from giving into that urge was Harry’s soft cries. 

Snape turned around and approached Harry gingerly. He opened the broken door to the booth and kneeled down beside Harry, ignoring the smell of decay and the buzzing flies that had gathered in one corner. The waves of desperation radiating from the crying boy almost overwhelmed Severus. He had to take a deep breath to stabilize himself and separate his own emotions from the ones trying to invade his mind and soul.

“Harry, it’s ok, I am here now. You are safe.” Severus whispered into Harry’s ear, taking Harry’s shaking hands into his own, holding them tightly.

Green frightened eyes found black reassuring ones.

Harry stared at Severus like he was a vision or a dream. His hero and savior here to protect him. It was almost too good to be true and Harry feared the moment he would open his eyes and realize that everything had just been a dream, that he still was captive in his cupboard with shame and torture awaiting him every single day. But Severus’ slender hands were holding his own, fingertips caressing the back of his hand, anchoring him to reality. Severus’ eyes looked like there was a black fire burning in their depths, no doubt fueled by all-consuming rage. Harry had known Severus for years and had seen him angry, even furious more times than he could count. 

The fear that still had its ugly claws hooked into Harry’s heart made it impossible for him to feel the same righteous fury. Being confronted with Vernon when he had finally allowed himself to feel safe made him feel small and naked, like his skin had been peeled off and he had nothing to shield him from the shame.

“Harry, I need you to get up and go to the house. I promise you that you are safe and nothing will happen to you. Let me take care of this situation. I promise this is the last time you ever see this man.” Severus spoke softly, hiding his own emotions under a calm surface. He needed Harry to go back to the safety of the house so that he could deal with Vernon. He hadn’t decided yet what he would do with that disgusting creature but he was sure that Harry shouldn’t be around to witness it.

Harry propped himself up on his elbows, slowly raising his gaze to peek over Severus shoulders to look at Vernon who stood still frozen on the spot, his feet anchored to the ground by tree roots reaching out from the ground, breaking the gray asphalt surrounding them. 

Harry shuddered involuntarily as he looked at the man that had taken everything from him and made hell look comfortable in comparison to his life. He could feel the touch of Vernon’s hands burning his skin like it only had been seconds ago that those hands had marked him so violently not months. A part of him wanted to scream in shame and fear, scream until his lungs gave out and there was nothing left but blinding agony. But there was another part of him, the part that contained his love for Severus and the hope that the older man had given to him. Hope that life could be something other than pure hell and that he would be able to hold onto the bond that had formed between him and Severus. It was that particular part of him that acknowledged how ridiculous Vernon looked, eyes almost popping out of their sockets in fear, sweaty and red face by his efforts to struggle against his restraints. He didn’t look anything like the intimidating man Harry had known and feared all his life. Next to a furious Severus Snape he looked like a filthy worm wriggling to escape from his certain death.

Harry slowly rose from his position on the floor, rubbing his sticky hands over his pants to get rid of the dirt clinging to them. Severus was by his side immediately, a hand placed on the small of his back.

“You are safe, sweet angel. I promise I would never let anything happen to you.” Snape whispered in his ear, warm breath caressing his cheek until the other pulled away again to face Vernon.

A small smile tugged at the edge of Harry’s mouth, a spark of joy lighting the darkness of his soul. Hearing Severus using such a cute and fluffy name for him sent a thousand butterflies off inside his stomach. It was a thing so out of character for this stubborn, stoic and distant man. With every day they had spent together Harry had discovered a totally different side to Severus, one that had so many cute and warm personality traits, shining like hidden gems in a dark cave. It didn’t change Severus completely; it just balanced the more complicated sides of his personality, making him interesting and attractive.

Harry took two steps but hesitated before he reached Vernon. The traces of fear and agony still lingering inside his soul made him reluctant to leave Severus. Not because he feared for the other’s safety, that would just have been ridiculous, but he didn’t want to leave the warmth and safety that Severus provided.

“It’s better that way, Harry.” Severus said softly as an answer to Harry’s unspoken thoughts. Since Severus had arrived it felt almost like he had used a spell on Harry because he could read the boy’s thoughts so clearly and felt so connected to him.

Severus locked eyes with the man he felt nothing but pure hatred for. He intended to make sure that Vernon knew who Harry belonged to and that he would do anything in his power to protect this precious boy. With his eyes still on the fearful man he leaned forward brushing his lips gingerly against Harry’s. Harry’s eyes widened for a second but he leaned into the kiss, opening his lips with a sigh. Severus took this as his cue that it was ok to proceed, claiming Harry’s mouth with his tongue, teeth and lips until they both were out of breath. Severus broke the kiss after a couple of seconds, pulling away from the tempting warmth of Harry’s mouth. He had a monster to take care off as well as ensuring that the public display of magic would have as little consequences as possible.

Harry took a deep breath and proceeded towards Vernon, strengthened by Severus reassuring smile and the affection he could see in those dark eyes. He stopped when he was just a few inches away from Vernon, so close that he could smell the other’s sweat and fear. Vernon struggled against his restraints and tried to say something but the magical tape swallowed all sounds coming from the man. Vernon still towered over Harry, both in weight and height but that physical advantage seemed somehow insignificant now and Harry furrowed his brows in concentration as he slowly pulled out his wand. The wooden surface felt cold against the heated skin of his hand, providing him with certainty and strength.

For so many years Harry had been nothing but the victim of a cruel man who tortured his body and soul to appease his own sick desires. Harry closed his eyes for a second remembering the lilies in his room reminding him of his mother who had died for him, her love overpowering even death itself. He thought about Severus, the man who had for so long been his enemy until his soul finally recognized the other and completely fell in love with him against all rules and logic. Harry lifted his wand and pressed it against Vernon’s neck. He was not a victim anymore. He smiled coldly as the big man started to weep like a little boy, craning his head to get away from the wand.

“You know, I could finally kill you. After all these years of torture and pain. It would only be fair, wouldn’t it?” Harry forced the words to leave his mouth, around the lump in his throat. His voice was shaky but there was a confidence to it he had never had when faced with his uncle.

Vernon shook his head violently, probably trying to beg for his life. Harry ignored the silent pleas and retracted the wand, looked at it with a sad smile before he put it back into his sweater.

“I won’t, though. Because I do not belong to you; not my body nor my soul. I am a Gryffindor and as such, I do not let my actions be dictated by hatred or vengeance.”

Harry cast a last long glance at the man who had brought him nothing but pain. He shook his head at the pitiful sight as Vernon wet his pants in relief to be spared despite his actions. Harry couldn’t help himself but turned around as he had walked past and smiled at the crying Vernon.

“Don’t be too relieved. See, Severus isn’t a Gryffindor like I am. Not that it would mean anything to you but let me tell you he is a Slytherin right to his core and as such he has a special taste for vengeance. Don’t you find that attractive in a man? I sure do.”

With those final words Harry left the scene with fast strides, refusing to look back even as he heard a struggle behind him and his uncle screaming before the silence told him that Severus had apparated them somewhere far away from Muggle eyes. Harry eyed the empty street and the houses surrounding him warily, looking for any signs that someone had been alerted to the use of magic. Harry knew that his use of the Patronus charm would probably earn him a new visit to the Ministry of Magic, even likely a new trial. He pushed the thought away and concentrated on getting back to the house. Harry had the overwhelming desire to take a long, hot shower to wash the dirt from his body and his soul. Harry was relieved to see that not a single curtain had moved as he walked by, finally arriving back at Severus’ house.

Harry had no idea what Severus was going to do to Vernon but he liked that somehow. He wasn’t sure he would ever want to know what transpired between Severus and Vernon.  
The silence in the house felt like a warm embrace and Harry sighed in relief as he stripped out of his clothes on his way to the bathroom, leaving his sweater and shirt in the hallway, his pants on the stairs and his socks next to the bathroom door. He couldn’t be bothered to pick the clothes up and just wished he would never have to see them again.

Harry turned the shower on and let the scalding hot water wash away the last traces of shame. He deliberately chose Severus’ soap and lost himself in the scent of pine and lemon, reminding him of the taste of Severus’ warm skin. Harry yawned hugely, the morning’s events and emotional turmoil had exhausted him to the point that he needed to support his weight against the wet tiles to not topple over. Harry left the shower and toweled his body and hair hastily, yearning to feel cool sheets against his body. He didn’t bother to put any clothes on but crawled into Severus’ bed immediately, pressing his face into the soft pillow. It only took a few seconds before he fell asleep, his hand caressing the pillow next to him.

Harry was woken by strong arms that embraced him tightly, a hand softly pressed against the swell of his butt and silky hair tickling his face. He melted into the embrace, his heart hammering in joy that the older man was finally back. Harry could feel that Severus was still wearing clothes, the woolen trousers created goosebumps on his naked skin. Being completely naked in Severus arms made him feel exposed in an exhilarating way. Harry pressed closer to his hero and protector, yearning for physical contact.

“Harry….” Severus whispered but he got cut off by Harry’s mouth claiming Severus’ lips, his tongue pushed past slightly parted lips and into the warmth of Severus’ mouth. Harry licked at the roof of Severus’ mouth causing the older man to groan. Severus’ hand slid lower, cupping Harry’s butt firmly, causing their bodies to rub against each other.

Harry hardened immediately at the contact of his naked, sensitive flesh with Severus’ clothed leg. He couldn’t help but repeat the action that had sent jolts of pleasure through his body, leaving him out of breath and yearning for more. Severus shifted his position to the side, lifting Harry onto his body so that their groins were connected. Harry pressed down onto the hardness underneath him until Severus moaned loudly. Apart from that sound and the initial shift of position the older man stayed immobile, his hands holding Harry in place with a strong grip. This time however Harry didn’t get confused by the other’s immobility but tugged at Severus’ shirt until he could touch warm skin. Severus’ exposed chest looked so inviting that Harry overcame his insecurity and licked at his pink, perky nipples causing Severus to make the movements of his lower body more forceful. The hard nubs in his mouth caused goosebumps to rise all over his body and he wished that Severus would finally touch him.

The connection between Severus and Harry from this morning was still active so that he was able to read the boy’s wish as if he had said it out loud. It had taken all his self-discipline to let Harry take the lead and remain still underneath the aroused boy. He wanted Harry to have control over the situation even though it had become increasingly more difficult as Harry humped him, his erect flesh leaving wet patches of precum on his trousers. Severus took his hands from Harry’s ass and caressed Harry’s stomach carefully. Despite Harry’s clear longing he wanted to proceed with caution knowing how fast things could turn uncomfortable for Harry. But there was nothing but pure longing radiating from the boy so that Severus dared to let his hand glide lower until he could wrap it around Harry’s erect flesh.

“Oh God….” Harry whispered, burrowing his face at Severus shoulders, his cock pulsating violently.

The hand moving up and down his length, first slowly then increasingly faster and with a tighter grip had his body shaking in the matter of seconds. Harry had never felt anything like it, he felt dizzy and the world blurred around the edges as if all of his senses were concentrated on Severus’ hand. Even though he had never felt anything like it he already wanted to beg for more. Harry tried to open Severus’ trousers with trembling hands, determined not to stop until he could see and feel Severus.

Severus stopped the movements of his hand when he realized Harry’s intent. He helped Harry to open the buttons on his trousers and freed himself from the unwanted item of clothing. His shirt followed suit until he was naked apart from his underwear. Harry’s eyes seemed unnaturally big as he focused his gaze on Severus’ body. Severus let Harry look to his heart's content and he smiled when he cautiously touched Severus’ still clothed erection. The underwear could only hide so much, leaving the outline of Severus’ cock exposed to Harry’s investigating eyes and hands. Wet patches had darkened the material and Severus sighed as Harry stroked the head of his cock through the wet material clinging to his body. Harry licked his lips repeatedly sending waves of explicit images through Severus’ mind.

Severus wrapped his hand once again around Harry’s cock, tugging twice before stroking forcefully up and down. Harry’s breathing hitched and he almost doubled over because of the intense sensation. Feeling Harry’s arousal against the palm of his hand made him almost lose his mind, his own erection demanding attention. 

As if Harry had noticed his growing need to be touched he leaned forward and continued his slow and careful exploration of Severus’ lower body. Those soft touches fueled the burning desire deep inside of him but did nothing to relieve his almost painful arousal. But Severus refused to push Harry further and therefore let the boy take control over the situation once again; letting him decide how much contact he was able to endure.

Severus lifted his head to catch Harry’s nipples between his teeth, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive nubs. The increasing movements of Harry’s hips told him that Harry was close to letting his orgasm take over. Severus massaged the head of Harry's’ cock causing the boy’s whole body to jerk and tremble until he finally let go, white sticky fluid covering Severus hand in excess. Severus continued the movements of his hand until Harry collapsed onto him. He embraced the shaking boy, whispering into his ear how much he meant to him.

After a couple of minutes of heavy breathing Harry lifted his head from his position on Severus shoulder and looked pointedly at Severus erection, still standing proudly.

“Sev, I want you to feel good as well. I am sorry that I can’t do more for you, yet.” Harry whispered, shame coloring his voice.

“Shh don’t say that,my love. You are simply fantastic and you have given me so much already,” Severus assured, his mouth finding Harry’s for a loving kiss.

Harry locked eyes with the older man to convey that he was serious and that the other’s happiness was important to him.

“Even if I can’t take care of that for you that doesn’t mean you can’t.” Harry felt his face flush crimson when Severus raised one eyebrow with a smirk.

“So, you like to watch, then?” He stated, before he playfully bit Harry’s earlobe. 

Some time later they both had learned a great deal about the other. It seemed that indeed Harry liked to watch; the sight of Severus touching himself had spurred his courage in being able to touch Severus’ naked flesh without triggering any flashbacks.

Harry felt sated and happy in Severus arms, knowing that the other would do everything to protect him. He almost couldn’t believe that a man like Severus could hold any interest in a broken boy like him, but here they were bodies tangled, skin sticking together by sweat and the evidence of their lovemaking. Harry wasn’t one bit bothered by it and enjoyed the closeness it created between them. Harry had no idea what it was like to have a home but he suspected the feeling of being embraced by Severus came pretty close.

“What happened with Vernon?” Harry asked, his curiosity taking over. Severus hummed in disapproval, letting his fingertips glide down Harry’s spine, feeling every single bone underneath Harry’s skin. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Severus inquired with a sleepy voice. He had been on his way to dreamland when Harry asked his question. So he had forced his eyes open once more, preparing to have a conversation he’d much rather avoid. 

Harry nodded, pressing closer to Severus’ warm body. With one hand tangled in black, silky hair he finally found a comfortable position that made him feel safe so that he could listen to the events that had unfolded when he had left Severus and Vernon alone. He knew that whatever Severus had done he would never judge it knowing that it was done for him.

“I didn’t kill him.” Severus stated, taking Harry’s hand in his to put a kiss on the other’s palm.   
“I didn’t even torture him, even though there was a moment when I wanted nothing more but see him writhing in pain.” He admitted, eyes locking with his favorite Gryffindor. 

Severus knew that Harry wouldn’t approve of his desire to torture and inflict pain, not even when it was to the man that had done exactly that to him for years. He was a true Gryffindor at heart just as much as Severus was a Slytherin and had no problems with doing what needed to be done in certain moments. What had kept him from giving into that urge was the memory of the strength Harry had shown, a strength he wanted to honor by acting like he knew Harry would want him to.

Harry leaned forward to press a shy kiss to Severus lips before the other could continue. With their limbs still intertwined it almost felt like they were melting into one single being.

“What I did was that I made sure that he would never be able to act on his sick desires ever again.” Severus smiled a cold smile as he remembered Vernon’s disbelief when he explained to him what the spell he just had cast on him would do. 

“How?” Harry whispered, eyes round and hopeful.

“Do you remember that one spell- a old Slytherin classic- that makes you throw up snails?” Severus asked and Harry nodded his features twisted in horror as he vividly remembered Ron throwing up buckets of slugs for hours.

“It’s gross,” Harry replied.

“Exactly, which makes it very suitable for Vernon. I just put a spin to it to make it last. In combination with another spell the result is pretty spectacular, I must say. Every time that disgusting slimy worm gets aroused by some poor bastard he will never be able to act on it because he is going to be busy vomiting slugs.” Severus concluded with a little laugh.

Harry chuckled at first but then gave in to full- blown laughter as he imagined Vernon vomiting slugs and Petunias face when she heard the explanation for it. 

“So very Slytherin,” Harry smiled and resumed the kiss they had stopped minutes earlier.

“Seems like there are some things Slytherin you like,” Severus winked and raised his eyebrow provocatively. 

Harry was about to answer when suddenly the cold fireplace burst into flames, slowly revealing the head of Albus Dumbledore. Pure horror swept through Harry and he stared at the flames in shock, not able to move a single muscle in his body. Severus reacted faster than Harry by throwing a blanket over their naked bodies before Albus was able to see too much. Unfortunately it seemed that he had seen enough as a booming voice filled the room.  
“Severus Snape, what in Merlin's name are you thinking?”


	10. Chapter 10

Severus flinched and ducked a little. There weren’t many things that instilled fear in Severus but an angry headmaster was definitely one of them. Guilt washed through him as he realized what the situation must look like for an unsuspecting outsider. Teacher and his underage student caught in bed together. Bile rose in Severus' throat as the thought hit him that given the circumstances of their less than friendly relationship in the past Dumbledore might assume that he had forced Harry into his bed. The thought had him shudder in pure disgust. He would never hurt Harry but Dumbledore couldn’t know that. As far as the headmaster was concerned they had been enemies since the moment they met. The shocked thoughts racing through Severus' head stopped when his eyes fell on Harry; face pale and round, tear-filled eyes with the blanket tugged under his chin. His lower lip was wobbling as if he was about to start crying. Severus' heart ached at the sight and he scolded himself for acting like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He was an adult who had consenting relations with another man, who almost had reached his 17th birthday.

“Albus, I’d like to return the question. Do you have a habit of disturbing people in their bedrooms in the middle of the night to yell at them?” Severus asked coldly and scooted closer to the shivering Harry. He put his arm around his young lover, making sure the gesture didn’t go unnoticed by the headmaster.

“Severus Snape, I don’t like your tone. Can you explain to me what Harry is doing in your bedroom and more importantly what is he doing in your bed?” 

“It might come as a surprise to you but my intimate relationships are not your concern.” Severus tried to fight off Albus questions, knowing that the headmaster wouldn’t let it go that easily. But it couldn’t hurt to try.

“I really wish that were true, but since your intimate relationship involves an underage Hogwarts’ student you leave me no choice but to get involved. I have placed Harry under your care during summer and already after a few days, you take advantage of the boy. I have never believed that there could be real evil in you, Severus, like so many others do, but tonight you have me doubting that.”

Albus sounded outraged, the flames forming his head flaring, bright and hot. Severus bit his lips, unsure of how to proceed. He knew that they were in trouble and for now he could not see one solution that wouldn’t end in hurt and regret. His heart almost broke at the thought that there might be nothing he could do to keep Harry from being separated from him. 

“There may or may not be evil inside of me, Albus, but I can assure you that I would never hurt Harry or let anyone hurt him ever again. He is-” Severus paused and took a deep breath, “the best thing that has happened to me,” he concluded, glancing sideways at Harry who had turned his back to Albus and stared at him wide-eyed. Severus wasn’t a man who declared his feelings or was known for great romantic gestures. However, he still wished he could have told Harry about his feelings in a more private way. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a luxury that was granted to them so he made the best of the situation and grabbed Harry’s hand to put a kiss on his palm.

The gesture helped Harry to get over the horror that had him paralyzed and he smiled coyly at his former enemy that he was head over heels in love with. The realization about the depths of his true feelings should have shocked him but it didn’t. Loving Severus Snape felt more right and natural than anything else in his life. Harry turned around again, to face the flames that flickered angrily, no doubt mirroring Dumbledore's feelings. 

“Severus would never hurt me or take advantage of me, headmaster. He is the one who protected me from harm and pain,” Harry explained, his brows furrowed in a frown. His fingers were still intertwined with Severus’, giving him courage. He couldn’t let the headmaster believe that Severus would do the things Vernon had done to him.

“Harry, I am not sure you are in a position to judge if Severus is taking advantage of you or not. You might be blinded because you have a crush on your teacher but that doesn’t make it right for your teacher to act on it.” Albus said coldly, the usual warmth had left his voice and it made Severus shudder. Albus was a warm man with a giant heart but also with rock-solid principles no one could change that easily. Severus had known that his relationship with Harry would be frowned upon by the headmaster but he had tried to ignore that little voice inside his head warning him that there might be serious consequences. 

Harry laughed hysterically all of a sudden; an outburst that surprised both older man. 

‘“With all due respect, you gotta be fucking kidding me. Really? I can’t judge if someone is hurting me? Headmaster, I have experienced nothing but torture and pain for years so thank you so much for your concern but it's too little too late. Maybe you should have had that concern when you dumped me at the doorstep of monsters when I was a baby.” 

“What exactly do you mean by that?” Albus inquired, all of a sudden uncertain. 

Harry’s eyes filled with tears, that he tried to brush away bravely. He didn’t want Dumbledore to know but he had no idea how he could make the other understand how he felt and why he knew that Severus was a good person. He felt helpless all over again, his fate in the hands of other people once again. Before he could answer strong arms wrapped around his frame and made him sob in relief. He buried his face into Severus' neck, refusing to look at the headmaster. 

“Albus, he has been abused and suffered unspeakable pain by his uncle. Please leave it at that. When I found out about it we destroyed the potions lab together in order to prevent Harry from going back to the Dursley’s.” Severus explained calmly, knowing that the original lie didn’t matter anymore and that Harry wouldn’t be able to tell Dumbledore about his personal hell.  
The fire crackled, highlighting the silence coming from the headmaster. Severus took the blanket that had settled around Harry’s stomach and pulled it up to make sure that the boy was covered. 

“If I had known...I…..why didn’t you tell me, Harry?” Albus asked, sounding accusing and regretful at the same time. 

Harry lifted his head and stared a long time at the flames thinking about the answer.

“Because Severus is the only one. The only one I trust. The only one I love. And nothing you can do could ever change that.” Harry stretched his shoulders, determination shining in his eyes. He wasn’t a victim anymore that other people could use as a pawn in their plans. He would fight for his chance at happiness and he only hoped that Severus felt the same and would fight with him.

“Even if that is true boy, it doesn’t make it legal. You are underage and Severus is your teacher. I can’t allow you to be involved with him. At least until you are 17; after that you can choose your own partner but as I see it if you choose to be with Severus neither of you can remain at Hogwarts. I expect you to be ready to go back to Hogwarts tomorrow afternoon.” 

The flames in the fireplace died suddenly, leaving only gray smouldering ashes in their wake. 

“My 17th birthday is in July,” Harry mumbled, revealing that it would be almost an entire year until he could freely choose to be with Severus. 

“I can't do this, Sev, please I won’t survive this. Please don’t leave me,” Harry cried out, throwing his arms around the older man, holding on for dear life as if someone was already trying to drag him away. 

Severus was overwhelmed by the desperation and strong feelings that Harry had towards him after the short amount of time they had spent together. He never imagined that someone would ever feel that way about him or that he would feel that way about someone. Time was essentially unimportant in the equation of their relationship because he couldn’t describe the feeling deep inside himself as anything other than pure love. Pure, passionate, determined, and dangerous. He was prepared to do whatever it took to keep this boy by his side. 

“I won’t ever leave you, Harry. Unless you tell me to, because no matter what happens I will always respect your wishes.” Severus rested his forehead against Harry’s, closing his eyes and holding onto the person he fell for in a matter of days. It still baffled him, how he could have seen Harry every day for so many years but be so blinded the entire time. His soulmate had been within reach but he had wasted time by treating him like an enemy. 

Their lips found each other as if they had kissed each other their whole lives and not only a few days. Neither of them could ever imagine being without the taste of each other lingering on their tongues and the touch of their skin providing security and comfort. Severus had never in his wildest dreams imagined that it was possible to be addicted to another person: to their smile, their moss green eyes and the taste of their skin. But here he was, already yearning for the next kiss when they hadn’t even broken the one they were currently sharing. 

Harry broke the kiss and sighed, rubbing his forehead in a forlorn gesture. 

“What should we do, Sev? Is there anything we can do besides run away?” Harry inquired, his eyes still glistening with tears and desperation.

“Oh, Harry, I really don’t want us to run away. I know that you love Hogwarts. It’s your home. Despite that, you have to complete your education or you will never have the chance to become an Auror. I can’t be responsible for ruining your chances at a normal life.” Severus shook his head violently to show Harry that running away wasn’t an option. At least none they should consider until they had tried everything else.

“I don’t care, I only care about you,”Harry stated firmly, locking eyes with Severus. 

Severus couldn’t resist brushing his fingertips over Harry’s lips in an intimate gesture. An unknown warm feeling spread through him, like liquid honey covering him in warmth and sweetness. He realized that he had never experienced being loved which almost brought tears to his eyes. He had always fancied himself a loner, a person who needed no one else but himself. The absence of love in his life has never bothered him and on more than one occasion he had laughed at those fools doing everything for love. He had always believed that his solitude made him a better person. He realized how foolish he had been all this time, that there was nothing greater and purer than hearing your soulmate utter words of love. 

“And I care about you and your happiness, that is why I am not willing to sacrifice it so easily. I want you to have everything you desire in life. You have sacrificed so much already: your childhood at the Dursleys, your safety to kill Voldemort. It is enough!” 

Severus’ tone conveyed that he wouldn’t change his opinion. He was every bit the intimidating teacher who was used to others obeying his rules without hesitation. Harry found it incredibly sexy and he couldn’t help but lean forward, kissing the other’s jawline with small butterfly kisses, enjoying the smoothness of Severus skin. 

Severus chuckled despite the seriousness of the situation and buried his hand in tousled black hair, tugging gently at the strands causing Harry to shiver. Harry was all of a sudden almost back in his lap, sucking feverishly at the exposed skin on his neck. Severus pushed the boy away from his body with a regretful sigh.

“Maybe we should get some rest so that we can come up with a plan in the morning,” Severus suggested, knowing that they would need every ounce of energy for the upcoming day.

“Sleep? How can you think of sleep after this? I will never be able to!” Harry exclaimed, eyes angry and desperate. 

Severus didn’t bother to explain why they really needed some rest; he understood that Harry’s reaction was based on the need to stay in control of the situation. 

“It’s ok, love. Just come and lay down with me for a while,” He said softly, gently tugging Harry towards himself and down onto the mattress. Harry sighed but laid his head on Severus' shoulder, his breath caressing Severus bare skin. Severus covered them in blankets until they were warm and comfortable. The sudden wetness on his skin told him that Harry was silently crying. He placed a loving kiss on the other's hair, caressing Harry’s back in soothing circles. 

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you or let anyone separate us. I promise,” Severus whispered in Harry’s ear, hoping that it would help the other to relax. It took a long while until Harry’s tears stopped flowing and his body relaxed into the embrace. It took even longer until his breath evened out, telling the potions master that Harry was finally asleep. Only then he allowed himself to close his eyes and give into the dark and comforting embrace of sleep. 

They both woke up in the early hours of morning, the mood sullen. Harry’s hair looked like it had been caught in a storm, the strands sticking out in every direction from dragging his hand through it. His skin looked pale, almost grayish and he had dark circles under his eyes. They had gotten dressed silently, only exchanging words when it was absolutely necessary, both lost in their own fearful thoughts. While Severus had gone down to the kitchen to make some tea Harry had stayed in the bedroom, his arms crossed and shivering. The room was cold because Severus hadn’t bothered to start a fire this morning. Harry was reluctant to leave the room that had become a sanctuary for him where he could let go of his fears in the arms of the person he loved above all others. 

Harry suspected that Severus was already working on a plan in his head while Harry’s head stayed blank accompanied by the feeling of doom. Harry knew that he should never have gotten his hopes up that they could be together, that he would finally be happy and safe. It was too good to be true and indeed the universe seemed to throw everything at them to prevent that from happening. Harry mused that maybe he somehow didn’t deserve to be happy, that's why happiness was rare and never lasted in his life. He stared at the dead fireplace, being unable to cry anymore. He had cried half of the night and for hours before Severus woke up. Now he just felt empty and alone. Harry contemplated that maybe Severus had been so silent and distant this morning because the older man had realized that what they had wasn’t worth fighting for, that Harry wasn’t worth fighting for. Severus had hardly said good morning and brushed his lips against Harry’s in a gesture that couldn’t even be called a kiss. 

Harry felt vulnerable, the black tendrils from the dark place inside his soul swooped through him, killing all hope and trust. Harry tried to look at the situation with neutral eyes and his logic told him that there was nothing he could do. Severus had only been with him for days, there was no way the other could have developed the same deep feelings for Harry. Even on a good day was Severus Snape way out of his league and Harry knew it. The other was so many years his senior, was incredibly smart and good-looking, respected and well-known in the wizarding community. He had always been a distant man, certainly not someone who would fall in love head over heels like Harry. Severus was a Slytherin and as such Harry expected him to calculate the possible outcome of this situation. He must realize that it would be stupid to fight Dumbledore just because he fancied Harry a bit. The Slytherin must have come to the conclusion that it would be easier to end the relationship with Harry. 

It felt like Harry’s heart was breaking into a million pieces and he had trouble breathing as he interpreted the morning's events in his mind. Panic washed through Harry at the realization that he had no idea how to survive without Severus. Would Dumbledore be so angry that he would send him back to the Dursleys despite the things Severus had told him yesterday? Harry remembered the coldness and anger in the headmaster's voice and had to admit that it was a distinct possibility. 

His mind reeled and his stomach somersaulted at his own anxious imagination. If Severus had come to the decision that it wasn’t worth giving up everything for Harry than he probably wouldn’t fight Dumbledore to keep Harry safe. Desperate sobs forced their way through Harry’s body, shaking him violently. He would end up in the hands of his uncle again, who thankfully never could touch anyone ever again sexually but he would still be able to beat Harry to death.   
Harry whimpered shallowly as he decided that he wouldn’t go back, wouldn’t go on without Severus. He’d rather die at his own hands. 

Just as the thought had popped up in his head he got dragged out of his reverie by warm lips covering his own and strong hands cupping his cheeks. The familiar mouth never left his own as he whimpered and sobbed, clinging to Severus black shirt. 

“Harry…” the other whispered hoarsely as if anxiety and tears had lodged themselves inside his throat. He didn’t continue until Harry locked eyes with him, the haze that had clouded them slowly lifting.

Severus' heart pounded in his chest, making his ribcage feel small and vulnerable as if he would break apart any moment. He had tried to think through every possible scenario and plan since they woke up and had only gone downstairs to fetch a tea for Harry who looked frozen. When he had reentered the bedroom he had found Harry in utter distress, whimpering and sobbing, the nails of his hands pushed into his palms, creating half-moon formed, bloody marks. He had no idea what could have brought forth Harry’s reaction because he had appeared calm when they woke.

Severus slowly unbend Harry’s fingers away from his palms to keep him from further hurting himself and leaned down to cover the bloody palms with his lips. He let his tongue glide along the marks, feeling the uneven skin and tasting the metallic essence of blood in his mouth. Despite the acerbic taste he didn’t stop but proceeded to do the same on Harry’s other hand until the blood flow had stopped and Harry’s rigid body had relaxed somewhat.

“My sweet love, I need you to calm down and come back to me. We don’t have much time to work out a plan.” Severus spoke warmly but with urgency in his voice. 

Harry worried his lips with his teeth until Severus stopped him by pressing one more kiss to Harry’s chapped lips. 

“You still want to...fight….for us?” Harry croaked, his eyes wide in disbelief. He had already convinced himself that Severus would leave him despite his promises. No one had ever stayed to fight for him or protect him.

Severus' stomach clenched at the question, a sheer film of sweat appearing on his forehead. The implication of that question made him nauseous. He could only imagine what had gone through Harry’s mind but he realized that he should have never jumped right into planning mode without reassuring Harry. Harry had come such a long way in only a few days that he sometimes forgot how truly vulnerable and scarred the boy was. Severus also realized that he would have to do something that he hadn’t done in more than 20 years. 

He leaned forward, caressing Harry’s ear with his lips before he whispered the words he only had used one other time in his life.

“Harry, I love you. My promise still stands, I won’t let anyone separate us and I will do whatever it takes to protect you and this relationship.”

Uttering the words felt sacred and absolutely right. Like he had saved them all this time to be able to present them as a gift to his soulmate, the only one he would ever love no matter what the future would hold in store for them. 

“Oh Sev, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you so much!” Harry exclaimed, throwing his arms around the man he had thought he had already lost. 

Severus smiled at Harry’s reaction which mirrored his personality and Gryffindor core in a rather adorable way. For a moment the older man indulged in the feeling of being loved, completely and unconditionally. It was a wondrous experience. Sadly, they still had to talk about how they would proceed given their current problem with Albus.

“Harry, I have thought of every alternative of how we could stay together and I have a suggestion. Do you know anything about the ancient ritual of bonding?” Severus inquired causing Harry to frown in concentration.

“Not much, to be honest. It's like a magical wedding, right?” Harry asked.

“In some aspects yes, in others no. It is so much more than a wedding. Nowadays it is rarely practiced anymore, only the ancient magic families still do it. The most modern young wizards and witches simply get married, a tradition actually inspired by muggles.” Severus explained and joined Harry on the bed. He embraced Harry and started a fire with his wand to keep Harry from freezing.

“What is the difference between a wedding and being bonded?” Harry inquired while he rested his head on Severus' chest, listening to his lover's steady heartbeat.

“Well, being married is like, you know, a legal contract by two consenting adults that they will spend their lives together. A contract that can be broken and resolved at any given time. Being bonded means that you bind your inner magic, the very core of your being to another person. It is a sacred ritual; a bond like that cannot be broken.”

Harry nodded in understanding to indicate that Severus could continue his explanations.

“If you bind yourself to another wizard or witch it is sacred, stands above all other rules of the wizard community and no earthly or magical force will be able to separate that bond. Not even death.” Severus concluded earning him a surprised look from Harry.

“What do you mean by not even death can break that bond?” The curiosity in Harry’s voice was evident, chasing away the last traces of sadness and doubt.

“When you are bonded you share a magical core. That makes you extremely powerful and therefore almost impossible to kill. However, if one gets killed so does the other, being bonded means being together for eternity.” Severus rested his hand on the small of Harry’s back and pressed a kiss to his hair.

“Wow, that sounds like a movie,” Harry exclaimed causing Severus to shake his head.

Harry processed the information that Severus had given him, the implications slowly dawning on him. He took a deep breath when he realized that Severus just told him that a sacred bond would be unbreakable and stand above all other wizarding laws. That meant not even Dumbledore would be able to do something about their relationship.

“Do you know anyone who has done this?” Harry asked, leaving his position on Severus' chest to sit on the bed Indian style, facing Severus who was leaning against the headboard.

“My cousin and his soulmate are bonded. If I remember correctly it was a huge ceremony a couple of years ago. I didn’t attend because there is no love lost between me and my family but I sent a card,” Severus face contorted in distaste remembering his imbecile cousin. When he got word of the bonding he couldn’t believe how someone could be so stupid to trust another person so deeply that they would be willing to bind their magical cores. Now he knew what it felt like.

“This could be our way out right? Because if we are bonded, Dumbledore can’t force us to separate and he can’t fire you and expel me if I understand you correctly?” Harry’s face lit up with hope at the possibility that they might find another way than running. 

“Yes, that is correct but Harry I am afraid that it is not that simple.” Snape sighed and pinched his nose. He really wasn’t keen on sharing the next details with Harry.

“Firstly, as I already told you, it is not like a marriage. We will be bound, forever, no matter what happens. Secondly, being bonded is an ancient ritual. In order to create the bond, the two wizards who are attempting to be bonded must recite several complicated incantations while also physically bonding. To be more precise- while having sex -- penetrative sex. Not only for a short while, the ritual requires time.” Severus looked down at his hands, unable to endure seeing the hope vanish from Harry’s eyes. Despite his steps forward towards allowing physical contact, he was nowhere near ready to have sex with another man. 

Harry sat in silence for a long while, staring down at the marks he had left in his palms, remembering Severus tongue caressing them to take the hurt away.

“Could I...I mean could you….do we have to…?” Harry stuttered, unable to form the words to his question, but Severus understood regardless and smiled sadly. 

“I wish we could, Harry, I would give everything to be the one who bottoms. It would be the perfect solution. But when the ritual involves two male wizards it is required that the more powerful wizard of the bonding pair does the penetration because it is his magic sealing the bond. You are very powerful, Harry, especially at your age but my years dealing with dark magic plus my age make me more powerful. I wish I wasn’t.” Their eyes locked for a moment. 

“It is either this or running away, isn’t it?” Harry whispered, brushing a stray tear from his cheek. Severus only nodded, extracting his hand to get Harry to come back to his side, yearning for the physical contact of the boy he loved. 

Harry complied and nestled into Severus’ side. 

“I want to build a home with you where we can invite our friends for dinner. I want to be able to train as an Auror and complete my education. I do not want to run and hide our love. I want everyone to know that I am rightfully yours. Bonding is the only option.” Harry mentioned all the reasons why Severus had made this suggestion in the first place.

“What about the physical aspect of it? Are you sure? Once the ritual is started I won’t be able to stop even if you had second thoughts. The magic would kill us both. I would need to proceed even if you don’t want to, even if it hurts you.” Severus whole being clenched in distaste at the thought but it was the truth. Once the ritual was started they wouldn’t have a choice but to follow through.

Silence filled the room, only interrupted by their aligned breathing. Severus tried not to be impatient even though he had the feeling that time was running like sand through his hands. After a long while, Harry lifted his head and rubbed his eyes.

“What would we need for the ritual?” Harry asked, dodging Severus question about the physical aspect of the ritual. 

“Some rare ingredients for a potion we have to drink to start the ritual. Thankfully, I have everything to make that potion. The brewing itself is simple and takes almost no time.” Severus replied, trying to control his worry and the urge to ask Harry again if he was sure that he was able to go through with this.

“So we drink it and then what? We just….have sex?” Harry frowned, trying to control the cold panic that was settling over him at the thought of someone touching him there, doing all the things his uncle had done to him. Logically he knew that Severus would never hurt him and that most people even enjoyed this most intimate form of being with their partner. Harry just couldn't imagine it, the only thing he saw before his mind's eye was blood and pain. 

“There is a little more to it. We need to recite some spells and we need to make love under the direct moonlight.” Severus looked at Harry worriedly who had his eyes cast down, his figure rigid and breaths shallow as if he was already fighting off a panic attack. Severus heart sunk at the enormous task. 

They had only a few short hours before Dumbledore would come look for them. They could hide until nightfall to initiate the bonding ritual but it was still a lot to prepare in a short amount of time. What really worried him was Harry’s state of mind regarding the physical parts of the bonding. He could tell that Harry had a hard time talking about it, he could not imagine how Harry would respond when he was actually forced to make love to him, no matter how gentle he tried to be. There was not only the potential flashbacks to fight off but also the possibility that Harry had physical damage connected to his uncle's abuse that would make it difficult for Severus to not cause Harry any pain.

“Sounds romantic,” Harry replied dryly, fisting the sheets underneath him with gritted teeth. 

The comment was bitter but it still ignited some hope in Severus. He took Harry’s chin in his hands and turned the boy’s head so that their eyes could meet. 

“It is, Harry, my love. It is the ultimate romantic gesture and much more than that. We would be together, forever. Sharing a level of intimacy and love that few have ever experienced. Harry, I know that this is difficult for you but please keep in mind that this is about love. Our love.”

Harry’s eyes widened, a blush creeping up on his face followed by a guilty expression.

“I am sorry, Sev, of course, it is. Being bonded to you is everything I ever dreamed of and much more than that. I am just afraid, that is all. Not because I don’t trust you but because I don’t trust my mind. This ritual is sacred and I could never forgive myself if all I could think about and feel was Vernon. I want to feel you, only you even though I am not a virgin.” 

“But you are a virgin, my sweet love. No one has ever made love to you and I am honored that I will be the first man you experience that intimate act with. The first one and the only one!” Severus stated firmly, staring into moss green eyes until the defiance in their depths was replaced with soft compliance. 

Harry stared at the man he loved, imagining what it must feel like to be that close to him, to feel Severus inside of him. He couldn’t help but blush at the images assaulting his brain. His stomach churned with nerves and a little excitement. 

“There are some things that can make this easier for you. If you want me to, there is a mild aphrodisiac that I could mix with the ritual potion. It will make you very aroused, which might help you concentrate on the pleasurable side of things. Also, there is a spell that relaxes your inner muscles, keeping them from retracting which makes it less painful when I enter your body. I promise that I will prepare you thoroughly and make it as easy for you as possible,” Severus explained, kissing Harry softly. 

Harry nodded determined, he had already made up his mind. The panic flooding through him at the thought of having anyone enter his body made it difficult for him to focus on anything else. In his state of anxiety, he almost didn’t realize that Severus had just proposed to him- not to be married but to be bonded; a ritual much more sacred. Harry scolded himself for his reaction, practically ignoring that Severus just offered to spend eternity bonded to him. 

“Even though this is not a wedding…..do you think we could have a party? Afterwards, I mean. For our friends?” Harry asked hopeful, trying not to sound too eager given their current circumstances.

Severus smiled at his favorite Gryffindor and captured his lips in a passionate kiss before replying.

“Of course my love, we can have a wedding party. Even if the ritual of being bonded takes place without audience, for obvious reasons, it is still a celebratory occasion deserving of a big party. I want you to have everything you desire, Harry.” Severus concluded, his expression warm and tender.

Harry blushed as his mind wandered to wedding cakes, his friends dressed in evening wear and speeches about their never-ending love. Harry had never thought that he was a mushy romantic but all of a sudden he craved the normalcy of it. If they could get through the ritual then they were free to shape the life they both had dreamt of together. 

Severus wondered what went through Harry’s mind as his face had lost it’s haunted expression and slowly turned crimson. He had a feeling that they might have a chance if he could keep Harry’s mind on romance and love. Severus wasn’t a romantic himself but he recognized the need for romance and security inside of Harry and was happy to provide his love with it. If a bonding party would make Harry happy Severus would never deny him even if it meant dealing with Harry’s annoying friends. 

Severus turned around and covered Harry’s body with his own. He gazed down into green eyes that looked at him with warmth and love. Severus took Harry’s face into his hands, caressing the boy’s cheeks with his thumbs. 

“Harry, will you be bonded to me?” Severus asked with a hint of insecurity in his voice. Despite their reasoning, there was still the risk that Harry would be too scared of the physical aspect of the ceremony. 

Harry stared for a long time into dark brown eyes, thinking through his options and what he truly wanted. He didn’t want to make a rash decision because they were forced by circumstances, instead he wanted to follow what his heart told him.

Harry felt all of a sudden nervous and took a deep breath before replying.


	11. Chapter 11

It felt like an eternity had passed before Harry finally smiled at Severus. Severus’ heart had been beating violently the entire time, sending waves of insecurity through his body. He had never felt as nervous as he did right at this moment. Of all the things that had transpired in his life that were of importance, like his first kiss, taking the exam to become a Potions Master and the first time he met the Dark Lord as a spy, he had not once felt as jittery and nervous as he felt right now waiting for the man he loved to speak the words that would change his entire life.

“Yes, I do!” Harry exclaimed, his glistening eyes filled with love and devotion.

For one moment Severus allowed himself to forget all the troubles and challenges that lay ahead and indulged in being truly and honestly happy. The only time in his life that he had experienced love was when he had met Lily. Their love had never been romantic but it had been the first time someone truly cared for him and it had made all the difference for him. Without her friendship he probably would have become a dark wizard for sure. Dumbledore never believed him that his love for Harry’s mother was only platonic. He always smiled knowingly upon seeing Severus’ patronus that had taken the same form as Lily’s. After Lily’s death it had become too painful to think about so he shrugged it off whenever he had to produce a patronus, which wasn’t very often given that he had darker, more powerful spells to defend himself with in a dangerous situation.

Now, however, it all made sense. His Patronus was a doe, not because of his love for Lily but because his soulmate’s patronus was a stag. The perfect pair-- different and yet so much alike. Meant to be in the purest, magical sense of the words. It had taken so many years until he could finally recognize and accept his soulmate. Harry was maybe not what he had thought he wanted in a partner but Harry was everything he needed.

Harry looked at Severus with a hint of confusion. After Harry had answered the question Severus face had split into a huge, adorable smile. He had taken Harry’s hand into his own and stared into Harry’s eyes, a blissful expression covering his features. He had stayed this way for a couple of minutes, seemingly lost in thought. Harry didn’t want to interrupt the man he loved but he yearned to lean forward and kiss Severus. The one person he would spend eternity loving and caring for.

Harry was about to say something when Severus took his wand from the nightstand and pointed it at their intertwined hands. He mumbled a series of words that Harry didn’t understand and that sounded foreign to his ears. Silver and gold strands emerged from the tip of the wand, bending around each other in an elaborate dance until they were fully intertwined, creating an intriguing pattern. The strands descended upon their wrists, wrapping themselves around them, binding them together. Harry felt the tingling of magic on his skin and a sharp pinch as the strands sunk into his wrists, leaving a glowing mark.

“I know that it is a muggle tradition to give a ring to the person you love when you propose. Unfortunately, we don’t have similar traditions in the wizarding community. I wanted to give you this instead. It is magic tattoo, made of our combined magic.” Severus leaned forward and placed a soft kiss onto Harry’s wrist that was still glowing from where the magic had melted into his skin.

“It’s beautiful,” Harry whispered in awe. He felt the magic underneath his skin, almost as if there was a part of Severus lodged inside his body. It felt comforting and exciting at the same time. 

They exchanged another long glance, drowning in each others eyes and the abundance of love. Severus sighed, knowing that he had to break the content happiness that against all odds had settled over them. The clock was ticking, only some short hours remained until Dumbledore would arrive at Spinner’s End, demanding to see Harry and take him to Hogwarts. Severus brushed the pad of his thumb over Harry’s lower lip, remembering the first time he had kissed his favorite Gryffindor. Only days had gone by but they seemed somehow longer and more significant than the entire life he had lived until he encountered Harry alone in the dark at Hogwarts. 

“We need to start our preparations, love. There is a potion that I need to brew and an old book that I need to find somewhere in the library. I have read about the proper incantations but I never memorized them.” Severus left the bed and collected his wand, abandoned on the warm sheets still smelling of their bodies and their love. 

“You never thought you would need it,” Harry stated calmly and reached forward to squeeze Severus hand before the other one could grab the wand. 

“Indeed. I guess this took us both by surprise, hasn’t it? I can’t imagine you ever pictured yourself with me either, your most hated teacher and a Slytherin at that,” Severus replied dryly but managed to wink at the same time, creating an odd look of stoicness and mischief. 

Harry laughed wholeheartedly and lunged forward, tackling Severus who had been on his way to leave the bed. He attacked the other using the full weight of his body, resulting in tangled limbs and a surprised yelp of the older man. Harry settled fully on the older man, pinning the other to the bed with his body and his arms. He bent slowly, catching the others earlobe between his teeth. He sucked at the sensitive flesh before he bit down playfully causing Severus to moan.

“ Good thing then that I have the hots for Slytherin,” Harry whispered in Severus ear, hot breath ghosting over his skin. 

Severus’ skin erupted in goosebumps, reacting to the closeness of his soulmate. He had to use all his strength and self-control to not topple Harry over and tear the clothes from his body. The need to be closer and connected on the most basic physical level was overwhelming. His muscles contracted and shook at the effort to not react to a primal need, so deep and burning, it was almost impossible to ignore. Only the thought that he would soon be able to feel his soulmate, enter him and claim him lifted the haze that threatened to descend over his mind. Green, piercing eyes anchored him to reality and helped him to fight off the lust that was about to cloud his judgement. Severus cleared his throat and pushed gently at Harry’s chest.

“As I said, there are many things to prepare for tonight so it might be wise to get started.” Severus flinched at the tone in his voice that he usually used for annoying students and the confusion crossing Harry’s features. Severus felt bad for having erotic thoughts while knowing how difficult it was going to be for Harry to endure the physical closeness and that there was a good chance that he wouldn’t enjoy it at all. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Harry inquired, uncertain how the mood had changed from steamy to distant in the matter of seconds. 

“You know that I am not perfect, right? I know that you deserve so much more than I will ever be able to give you and yet here you are considering to bind yourself to me forever.” Severus said, his voice a low whisper.

Harry shook his head violently, and kissed the others eyelids, one by one. His hand was tangled in the black, silky mass of Severus hair, slowly massaging the skin underneath.

“You are perfect. You are everything, my whole universe. Your love is the rarest, most precious gift and I will honor it every day, from now on until the end of time.” Harry smiled reassuringly at the love of his life and slowly lifted his body to free the other.

“But you are right, we better get going. What do you need me to do?” Harry inquired, straightening out his clothes as he went to the door in fast strides.

A look of admiration crossed Severus features as he watched Harry. He was only sixteen and yet so mature beyond his years that it baffled Severus at times. 

“Why don’t you let me take care of the preparations? I suggest you take the remaining time to Floo call the Burrow and talk to your friend. Maybe Ron has a way to reach Hermione to pass on the news.” Severus finally left the bed and walked passed Harry who had faltered in his step and looked at Severus in surprise. 

“I thought you didn’t like them.” Harry sounded a bit frustrated, more so than he had intended. He had tried to fight off the thoughts about his friends and how they might react to their relationship. Then there was the whole other problem of how Severus would get along with Harry’s friends that he had so clearly despised for years. 

“You like them and you trust them. That is enough for me. They are your best friends and will always be a huge part of your life. As such, they will also be a huge part of mine. I guess both sides are going to need to make an effort to overcome past animosities. However, we all love you and that's enough common ground for me.” Harry’s eyes filled with tears of relief. His soulmate bent down and caught the one tear that escaped with his elegant lips.

“We need to be strong today. We both need all the support we can get.” Severus concluded and left the room to give Harry much needed privacy to make an important Floo call.

Severus stopped by the library and sighed as he eyed the hundreds of books in three shelves and stacks on the floor. He knew that he had read about the binding spell one summer several years ago but he couldn’t remember where he had put that particular book. He didn’t often wish that he had spent more time organizing his books but right now he wished that he had more librarian skills than he actually possessed.

Half an hour later he emerged from in between the shelves, covered in dust. He laughed victoriously but was interrupted by a sneezing fit. In his hands he held an ancient looking book with gold covers and foreign symbols painted all over. Severus ran his fingertips along the symbols and felt the magic marks on the parchment tingle his skin as he touched them. The book contained ancient and dangerous magic, neither good nor bad but the very core of the wizarding world even though most of the spells had been lost in time. 

Severus descended down the stairs and entered his potions lab. Cauldrons were lined up against one wall and the distinct smell of herbs hung in the air. He found the ingredients he needed for the potion in a matter of seconds, highlighting that his lack in organizing books skills was only matched in his neatly stacked ingredient cabinet, where everything was labeled and sorted. He would probably be able to point out ingredients with his eyes closed. 

The potion that was a key part of the bonding ritual was surprisingly enough not complicated to brew. But it consisted of rare, powerful ingredients, thus making it difficult to brew for ordinary wizards without his range of ingredients. Thankfully, he was no ordinary wizard but a Potions Master. 

Upstairs, Harry was laying on the floor curled into himself, quietly sobbing. Tears streamed down his face caused by the pain of having to relive his abuse to explain the events that had unfolded the last week and their results to his best friend. His sobs were matched by the sniffling from his best friend, who had tried to hide his shock and tears at first but was crying openly now. Ron blew his nose noisily and Harry laughed despite the tears and the horrors of his past.

“So, Snape, he saved you, huh?” Ron asked, sounding astonished and confused. 

Harry nodded and sat up straight again, scooting closer to the fire to close the distance between him and Ron, thankful for the change of subject. He wished that he could have told his best friend all of this over a butterbeer but there was just no time.

“Yes he did, he is my hero.” Harry replied, earning him a snort from Ron.

“Sorry, mate, but I kind of have a hard time wrapping my head around this. I mean, you and Snape. Gosh, you hated each other for years,” Ron sighed and the fire crackled highlighting the short silence that followed. 

“I know and I wish I could have had the ability to see his true self much earlier. But i didn’t and we can’t go back in time and change that. But Ron, you have to trust me on this. This is not just some crazy idea. He is my soulmate and I love him. He is everything.” 

Harry tried to express his feelings but he felt like all his explanations fell short. He couldn’t convey how deep his feelings were and realized that he must sound like a lunatic to an outsider. Falling in love with his most hated teacher and deciding to be bonded in only a week. His heart sank at the thought that Ron’s reaction was normal and probably the same one he would get from his few close friends who he considered family. 

“Harry, are you sure that this isn’t just a form of hero worship? He saved you and now you have the hots for him because you are thankful?” Ron sounded uncertain, almost reluctant to ask.

Harry wiped a stray tear from his eyelashes and tried to fight the exhaustion that was settling over him. How was he ever going to make them see? To make them understand?  
He feared that nothing he would say could convince his friends that this was the right decision. Naturally, his imagined bonding ceremony party would remain a wish and idea. If he couldn’t convince Ron there was no way he could reach Hermione, who was often harsher in her judgement and principles than the redhead. 

“I understand, Ron. It’s ok, I just wanted to let you know that's all.” Harry’s voice almost drowned in tears at the end of the sentence. He had really hoped he would be able to invite Ron and Hermione and all of the Weasley family to a party the next week. Pain ripped through Harry upon realizing that there would be no wedding cake, funny speeches, and wedding feast. He and Severus were alone in this. 

The thought of losing his friends, the only family he had ever known, broke his heart and made it hard to breath. Somehow, in all of the problems they had faced he had never imagined losing his friends would be amongst them. Sure he had been prepared for them to question him and be wary at first but he had counted on the fact that their love for him would be strong enough to make them see and understand. Obviously, he was wrong.

“Harry…..” Ron trailed off. 

“I need to go and help Sev with the preparations. I guess I’ll see you around. Can you please pass on the news to Hermione?” Harry tried to sound as normal as possible but he wasn’t doing a good job given Ron’s sigh.

“Sure, I will. But Harry, are you really sure about this? Please do not do anything that you will regret later on. A magical bonding is not like a wedding, you know.” 

Harry shook his head violently, outraged at the condescending tone in Ron's voice. 

“I know very well what a magical bonding is and what it entails. I have never been so sure of anything in my life than I am about doing this. I am sorry that you can’t understand why but it won’t change my decision.” Harry’s voice carried a hint of ice.

He didn’t wait for a reply but waved his wand to end the Floo call. He remained motionless for a couple of seconds, letting the fact sink in that they truly were on their own.

A couple of minutes later Harry entered the potions lab where Severus was brewing the potion they needed. A light blue substance bubbled in the cauldrons, spreading a minty scent through the room. Severus looked up from stirring the potion counter-clockwise and frowned.

It was easy to spot that the talk with Ron hadn’t gone well. Harry’s shoulders were slumped, his eyes red and puffy from crying and his lips dry from worrying them.. When their eyes met Harry just shook his head and Severus respected his lover’s wish to not talk about what had transpired between him and his best friend. 

Severus was disappointed in Ron. He had hoped that Ron would overcome his dislike for him despite their less than friendly relationship just because he loved Harry. Severus realized that this hope had been naive given that this whole week had been irrational and crazy. How was anyone supposed to understand why they loved each other the way they did? 

Severus took a vial with a deep red substance and counted three droplets that fell into the cauldron changing the potion color from blue to violet.

“What is that?” Harry asked curiously, stepping closer and peering into the the cauldron. 

“The aphrodisiac I was talking about.” Severus stated calmly and proceeded to fill the potion into an empty vial. Next to the empty vial there was another one still light blue without the added aphrodisiac. 

“Oh,” Harry breathed, his cheeks flushing slightly.

Severus dried his hands on a towel before he reached out to tilt Harry's chin upwards. 

“I promise I will do everything in my power to make this enjoyable for you, love.” Severus leaned down and kissed his soulmate fiercely.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that this took forever.

A couple of hours later after some more preparations they were wandering down a green meadow, sprinkled with stray flowers. They were heading for the treeline to enter the woods. In his agitated state of anxiousness Harry barely glanced at the serene scenery around him; nature failing in calming him or making him feel better.

“Where are we going? How is Dumbledore not going to find us? Won’t it be cold out here at night?” Harry babbled, trying to follow his lover’s fast and big strides without actually running after him. 

Severus stopped for a moment to look around. He had already made sure that no one was in the vicinity of the place he had chosen for their bonding ritual. He was still cautious though and took the time to make sure that they were alone, only surrounded by the meadow, the hills rising in the distance, and the small patch of wood they were heading for. He turned and surprised Harry who collided with his body.

“Harry, will you please just trust me on this? Everything is prepared, I promised you it would be. Just follow me and you will see, ok?” Severus rested an elegant hand on Harry’s cheek.

“I trust you. Unconditionally, always,” Harry replied, his tone serious. 

Severus nodded and smiled down on his soulmate’s unruly hair and beautiful glistening eyes. His heart fluttered in excitement and nerves alike, a fact that he tried to hide from Harry who was already jittery because of the upcoming bonding ceremony.

“Good. Then come on, I want to show you something.” 

Harry took Severus’ hand and took a deep breath as the other squeezed it reassuringly. He tried to fight the nervousness that tightened his chest and concentrate on their surroundings. When they finally reached the small patch of wood he saw that the trees were huge, with roots spreading throughout the whole area and leaves in beautiful shapes and rich green color. They entered the wood and walked for a while until Harry could see a glimpse of blue between the thick trunks. As they approached, a clearing opened up before them, leading down to a small lake. 

Harry took a deep breath overwhelmed by the simple beauty of this place and earned a knowing smile from his lover.

“I found this place years ago and I always come here when I feel sad or overwhelmed. It calms me somehow. Best thing is; no one ever comes here, it is far too remote,” Severus explained, his eyes focused on the lake.

“It is perfect,” Harry whispered which earned him a wide grin and a chuckle from Severus.

“Not yet, but soon,” Severus replied, withdrawing his wand from his simple black trousers.

Severus waved his wand slowly but without uttering a word or even moving his lips. In a matter of seconds a giant tent appeared only a couple of steps away. Harry walked closer, once again astonished about the amount of power Severus really possessed. He had created a beautiful and spacious tent without even breaking a sweat or saying a word. Harry let his fingertips glide along the satiny red fabric and followed the golden symbols woven into it. Somehow it reminded Harry of one of these old circus tents he had seen in old films. Beautiful places filled with joy, laughter, and the smell of popcorn. Or so he imagined that it would have been like to visit one of these 19th century muggle circuses. They had been long gone by the time he had been born and either way his uncle would never have taken him if there would have been one left. Fog formed above the lake and interrupted Harry’s musings. He frowned at the sight but decided not to ask another question but to just trust his soulmate.

Floating candles appeared above the lake and surrounding the tent, causing Harry to shiver in excitement. The floating candles in the great hall had always been impressive but seeing so many candles slowly swaying in the breeze was breathtaking.

“What about Muggles or Dumbledore?” Harry inquired, still on edge about the whole situation despite the beauty Severus had conjured up.

“As I told you, this is a remote location but I used a spell that will hide us both from Muggles and the headmaster. If someone looks at this place they will only see a mirror image of how it looked like before we arrived.” Severus explained his preparations patiently, knowing that Harry needed to feel safe and comfortable. 

“That’s genius,” Harry exclaimed, reminding Severus of how young and innocent he still was despite the things he had been through. 

“Come on, there is still some hours until the moon rises,” Severus extended a hand and smiled when their skin connected. 

The tent was even more spacious inside than it had seemed on the outside. The floor was covered in colorful, plush rugs and pillows. There was a table in the middle of the room, all set up for dinner complete with glasses of champagne, roses and silverware. Harry stepped up to the table in awe, looking at the bouquet of roses that was a mix of red and black. Harry had never seen anything like it, the contrast was beautiful and intriguing. At the far end of the room there was a big four poster bed with white curtains but Harry averted his gaze after a couple of seconds because the sight set off hundreds of butterflies in his stomach. Next to the table stood a low cart filled with plates under a heating spell and Harry could see that there were several of his favorite dishes alongside a variation of desserts. Somehow this place looked like heaven. 

“Please, take a seat,” Severus offered and Harry smile coyly before accepting the invitation and sitting down in a soft brown leather chair. This felt so much like a real date that the butterflies in Harry’s stomach started their slow dance again. Whenever he looked at Severus’ long hands, filling their empty glasses or holding the silverware, his mind wandered off to other things those elegant hands could do. At one point their eyes met while certain images filled Harry’s mind and he couldn’t help but blush at the smirk appearing on Severus face. Harry guessed you really didn’t need to be a wizard to read his thoughts.

Despite the nerves on both sides they found a relaxed conversation rhythm after a while, laughing at stories about past mischief and misunderstandings. In the light of their love it had become almost funny how they used to rile up one another, pushing each other's buttons. It became apparent how focused they always had been on each other, plotting revenge and spending more time thinking about the other than what could be considered healthy in a normal student/teacher relationship. Somehow they had managed to ignore that fact, placing all the blame on the other person. 

Harry understood why his friends had sighed wearily more than once when he talked about his mosted hated professor and chosen nemesis. Even though his friends both disliked Snape they had never felt the same heat and passion behind those animosities. Harry intertwined their fingers, leaning down to brush his lips over Severus knuckles, thanking Merlin that they now had found other ways to release that passion. The thought of the bed in the room and what would soon transpire on it made Harry’s stomach churn. He was nervous and dreaded it but there was a part of him whispering that being physically connected to his true love would feel like finally arriving home.

“What are you thinking about?” Severus asked before taking another bite of his steak, chewing slowly as he waited for Harry to reply.

“Home,” Harry stated simply, causing Severus to raise his eyebrows questioningly. 

Harry understood the unspoken question and laid down his fork and took a deep breath before explaining his feelings. By the end of his monologue his cheeks burned, still uncomfortable talking bluntly about the physical side of their relationship. 

“I promise you that I’ll take care of you the best way I can. All I need from you is your trust. We’ll manage this together, love, and if you choose after tonight to not ever do this again I will be ok with it. We can still enjoy our love and give each other pleasure.” 

Harry couldn’t believe how lucky he was that this beautiful, interesting, powerful, and smart wizard would be his soon. He had never believed that there would be someone that could understand the ramification of the abuse he had experienced. But Severus understood him without questioning his reluctance to have sex, accepted it as if it was the most normal thing in the world. It made Harry’s heart ache in the sweetest way. As if on a cue the ceiling above them changed its appearance. Now they were looking directly at the night sky, stars sprinkled across the velvety darkness, the full moon round and bright.

“It’s time,” Severus stated and Harry swallowed thickly. He reminded himself that he just had to get through this bonding ritual and happiness would await him on the other side. 

Severus abandoned his chair and walked over to the bed and picked up the two vials that he had placed on a low table next to the bed upon their arrival. He held one up to Harry, who had followed his lover. He accepted it gingerly, afraid of breaking it and spilling the valuable potion. 

“Harry, I need to ask one last time: are you sure about this? Do you understand that when you have swallowed the potion and I have said the incarnations that I can’t stop the ritual and will be forced to complete it by having sex with you even if you change your mind? Stopping the ritual means certain death and I won’t allow that to happen. I’d rather have you loathe me for the rest of eternity,” Severus concluded bitterly. 

In the end he was a Slytherin and had been a Death Eater which meant that he was capable of doing what needed to be done especially when it came to protecting Harry. The only thing that had never changed. 

“I won’t loathe you, Sev. I love you, you know that.” Harry shook his head at the silliness of the statement. 

“What if I have to force your to comply? What if I have to force my way into your body while you are struggling with flashbacks and haunted memories?”

Severus eyes were unnaturally black and his voice cold, like a thin layer of ice shielded all his emotions from the world. It was unsettling and intriguing at the same time and all of a sudden Harry could see the spy and Death Eater Severus once had been. It didn’t scare him because this was just another part of the man he loved, a part that held fierce protectiveness for him. It was this part of Severus that calmed Harry’s nerves, made it easier to breath. The feeling of surrendering the responsibility for the physical act itself helped Harry to find his courage. He knew that from now until the end of time this strong man would protect him and care for him, give him a home in his arms and it was all Harry ever wanted and definitely what he needed.   
the only thing he knew without a doubt was that he needed to be bonded to that man. If it meant to endure pain, he would do it heroically. 

“Yes!” He answered simply, knowing that declarations of love were unnecessary in this very moment. They both knew how deep their love and their bond was.

Their eyes connected before they both swallowed the potion. At first Harry felt nothing but a slightly warm feeling spreading throughout his body. His skin started to tingle when Severus spoke foreign words. Suddenly the air around them started to glow and Severus reached for his hand. The glow slowly descended until it almost hugged their frames. It felt warm and energetic, much like the feeling in the air right before lightning strikes. It lasted for a couple of minutes before the glow subsided when Severus stopped the incarnation. 

“Let’s go outside, the ritual has begun.” 

Harry frowned and glanced bewildered over to the inviting bed. 

“Eh, why?” He asked, confusion shining in his eyes.

“Trust me, remember?” Severus whispered, hot breath against Harry’s ear. The tingling and warm feeling had subsided with the glow but it was suddenly replaced with something akin to fireworks going off inside his body combined with a deep, raw and burning need. 

Harry needed to feel Severus skin against his own and he threw his arms around the older man's neck, his lips connecting with the stretch of exposed skin on Severus shoulder. He didn’t lose any time but sucked feverishly, trying to taste as much of his lover as humanly possible.

“Outside, now.” Severus dominant voice sent shivers down Harry’s back, his blood rushing south before he could even blink. He followed the other’s command dumbly, licking his lips repeatedly to savor the other’s taste. The burning need inside of him grew stronger by the minute, making his knees weak and wobbly. 

“I feel funny,” he admitted, blushing again for the thousandths time that day.

“If you feel kind of needy, it’s the aphrodisiac.” Severus pointed out but faltered in his step as he saw Harry stopping next to the tent, his head bowed. His whole posture conveyed nervousness and tension.

Severus approached Harry and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead, noting the sweat that had gathered at Harry’s hairline. 

“It’s ok, my heart, it is a natural aphrodisiac. It only enhances what is already there, it doesn’t give you feelings that aren’t yours to begin with.” Severus could tell that he once again had read Harry well by the deep sigh coming from him. Severus waited until he got a confirmative nod from Harry. He approached the lake slowly, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. He let it glide down his shoulders once the buttons were opened and let it fall unto the wet patch of dirt and sand that marked the transition from land to water. He stepped out of his shoes and socks. By the quick breaths right behind him Severus could tell that Harry had followed him but he didn’t turn around to see the other’s reaction. He imagined that surprise was visible on his lover‘s features about his intention of entering the lake. He knew better than to think that Harry would be surprised by his lack of magic in getting rid of his clothes; a childhood raised by muggles ensured that still after all these years magic wasn’t so present in Harry’s mind that he would use it for such mundane tasks. Severus had two reasons he acted the way he did: firstly, he wanted to treat Harry to a show but more importantly he wanted to give Harry time to adjust without his eyes on him.

Harry drew in a shaky breath as his eyes followed black trousers glide down well-toned, muscular legs. The moonlight reflected on Severus’ naturally pale skin, his black hair a beautiful contrast on his back, now glowing with moonlight and the reflection of floating candles. For a second Harry wondered how he could not have seen the true beauty that Severus possesed, how he could have looked at the love of his life and not seen anything but an annoying man at best. Sometimes we are truly blind and only see what we want to see. Harry didn’t stop long enough to follow his thoughts, his body craving his attention. Not only his soul was reacting to the sight in front of him but his body demanded closeness to this beautiful man. Harry still had no idea why they were going swimming in the lake but he knew better than to question his lover who surely had a plan. He always had, he was a Slytherin after all and skinny dipping without any reason just seemed too much out of character for Severus. 

Harry disposed of his clothes as fast as he could, entering the water that already covered Severus hips, hiding Severus’ pretty ass from Harry’s view. Harry held a breath, suspecting the water to be cold and uncomfortable but he had underestimated his soulmate once again. The water was warm, creating goosebumps on the parts of Harry’s body where warm water met cold air. Harry smiled as he realized that this explained the fog that was now drifting in and out between the trees and the tent. 

When Harry reached Severus he embraced him, melting their naked bodies into one. Harry sighed, breathing puffs of air on Severus’ collarbone that made the man shiver. Severus felt Harry’s anticipation, wet and hard, pressed against his thigh. 

“Are you ok, love?” He whispered in Harry’s ear, even though no one was around and the place was guarded with silencing spells. Harry reacted by pressing even closer and licking over the sensitive skin on Severus shoulders and neck. Severus was mildly surprised at Harry’s strong reaction, he had only administered a small portion of the aphrodisiac, not wanting Harry to feel taken over by his amplified feelings. 

Severus didn’t question his luck further but concentrated on giving Harry as much pleasure as he could. With his hands wrapped around Harry’s cock and his tongue exploring Harry’s mouth it only took a couple of minutes until Harry’s breath got more ragged. Severus stopped the movements of his hand and earned a desperate moan from Harry. As much as he loved to touch his soulmate this wouldn’t work if Harry climaxed before anything happened. Sometimes Severus really forgot that Harry was just an inexperienced teenage boy who was on edge with nerves and driven by an aphrodisiac. 

Severus went a little further into the lake until the water reached his chest and motioned Harry to hang onto him. Harry embraced him tightly, his head pressed into the nook of his neck and his legs wrapped around Severus torso. Severus relished the feeling of Harry rocking back and forth, trying to create more friction against his stomach. 

“Do you remember the spells we talked about?” Severus asked but no answer came as Harry’s mouth crashed onto his own, almost drawing blood in the process. He let Harry dominate the kiss for a couple of seconds before he bent his head back, looking into Harry’s eyes.

“I need you to use your words, Harry,” Severus said sternly but faintly amused.

“Yes sir, I do”, Harry replied. 

Harry’s words went straight through Severus’ body towards his cock, hardening it even further if that was even possible. He filed it away for later that Harry really should call him ‘Sir’ more often, especially in bed. 

“Good. I am going to use them now, it will feel a bit funny at first. You will notice that you won’t be able to retract the muscles in your anus like you are used to as well as a wet sensation; that’s the lubricant.” Severus explained and murmured the spells.

Harry’s eyes widened, the sudden wetness between his cheeks making him feel uncomfortable, almost ashamed although Severus had explained what it would feel like. He tried to fight off the feeling of being exposed as he tested his muscles that were paralyzed just as Severus had said. Harry’s heartbeat doubled and he held onto his lover’s back more tightly. He tried to convince himself that those were maybe two tiny muscles who he never thought about so it shouldn’t matter to him that they weren’t working now. But it mattered, because he felt defenseless and exposed. He shivered, suddenly feeling cold. He wanted to go home, he wanted to go back to Spinner’s End and sit on the sofa in the library engaging in a friendly banter with Severus. He definitely didn’t want this. It felt wrong, so wrong. 

“It’s cold, it’s cold,” Harry said, with a tear-filled voice.

“Shhh, love, please don’t be afraid. I know it feels odd at first but it’s only for your own protection. I don’t want to hurt you, love. Please.“

The water around them warmed up several degrees startling Harry. His frantic thoughts came to a screeching halt by his soulmate’s sad and desperate voice. Of course, he knew all this. They had talked about it and he had agreed to it, hoping that this would cause the least amount of harm. Harry took a couple of deep breaths, calming his nerves and focusing on the soft kisses Severus placed all over his face. When he felt calm enough he opened his eyes, looking directly into black ones. Their foreheads touched and Harry nodded almost imperceptible but Severus knew that it was Harry’s way of letting him know that he could proceed.

Harry’s strong reaction to the spell made Severus feel anxious and afraid but he proceeded calmly, knowing that they had no choice but to go through with this, at all costs. He kissed his young lover deeply while once again paying attention to Harry’s erection that thankfully hadn’t gone away despite his momentary panic. Severus made sure to stroke Harry slowly, pausing when he reached the head of Harry’s cock to just lightly press his finger against it before resuming the slow stroking motion. He knew that it was a maddening pace and Harry tried to speed up the process by thrusting his hips forward, thereby almost fucking Severus hand. He let him do that without moving, just because it was so endlessly hot to see how the lust had appeared in Harry’s eyes again so swiftly. While focusing on keeping Harry on the edge of desperate arousal, Severus placed his hand on the small of Harry’s back, slowly gliding deeper until he could gently spread Harry’s cheeks. Harry’s own movements were so frantic he didn’t realize Severus hand on his ass before he stroked Harry’s hole tenderly, causing Harry to stop breathing and moving all of a sudden.

“Breathe, love,” Severus murmured against his lover’s quivering lips, still massaging the already relaxed muscles that would grant him entrance without struggle due to the relaxation spell. But he wanted Harry to get used to the feeling of being touched, without feeling pain. 

A surprised moan escaped Harry when Severus resumed stroking his cock, faster and harder this time. His mind wanted to focus on Severus fingers but it got pulled away again and again by the immense pleasure crashing over his body . His hips jerked following Severus movements he leaned forward to conquer Severus warm mouth with his tongue when something entered him, stretched him. Harry yelped, struggling between the pleasure in his system and the uncomfortable feeling. It didn’t hurt but fear loomed at the edges of his mind, ready to sink its claws into him. Something changed, the uncomfortable feeling disappeared for a couple of seconds and he released his breath just to be stretched impossibly wider. He knew the feeling, had felt it before in a wet and cold basement, his body aching from beatings and blood drying on his skin. Harry struggled, he didn’t want to feel this kind of pain again. Never again.  
Before he could lose himself in dark memories, waiting to devour his sanity Severus voice anchored him to reality.

“Please love, it’s me. I will never hurt you I promise. This won’t have to hurt, if we do it together. It is only you and me, you are here with me, safe. Focus on the water and the pleasure, love.” Severus words were rushed and the fear in his voice broke Harry’s heart. 

Harry loosened the tight grip on Severus that surely would leave bruises and closed his eyes. He focused on the smells around him: lakewater, fresh cool air, Severus and somehow the odor of sex that hung in the air. He concentrated on the warm water caressing his skin, Severus’ strong hand still tightly wrapped around his cock, their skin wet and slightly cold. Harry breathed deeply, exploring the feeling that Severus’ fingers created inside of him. 

As if on cue, Severus moved his fingers again, tenderly. Harry felt stretched and vulnerable but underneath it all there was a sharp-edged pleasure whenever Severus moved his fingers a certain way. It felt different, dangerous and alluring. Harry focused his mind on experiencing that special feeling, pleasure and pain, mixed and unrecognizable. Harry keened when Severus scissored his fingers, brushing against something deep inside of him that caused this feeling. He couldn’t help but press down on those long fingers, urging Severus with his body to find that spot again. And he did, bringing his fingers back to that spot again and again, slowly, almost too slow, causing Harry to moan and struggle in his arms. The burning need that Harry had felt earlier was back again and it was that need that welcomed the feeling as he was stretched further by a third finger entering him. With three fingers deep inside of him and one hand repeatedly squeezing the head of his cock it was almost too much.

“Oh, Sev, please,” He begged, not even sure what he wanted his lover to do. Just something, anything to end this sweet torture. 

Severus knew that he should stop and start the final phase of their bonding ritual but he was spellbound, watching Harry who had never experienced pleasure like this thrash in his arms and thrusting his hips in order to get more friction and feel more. Severus was addicted to the way Harry moaned, and almost screamed his name whenever he touched him a certain way. He was surprised that Harry was still able to feel such pure pleasure while being anally penetrated, which caused hope to rise that Vernon’s abuse may have not left any physical damages like he had initially feared. Severus couldn’t help himself but bury his fingers deeper, thrusting them hard against Harry’s prostate causing the boy’s body to jerk spastically, sticky fluid covering his hands. Harry fell forwards, his head resting on Severus chest while he breathed erratically. 

This wasn’t how Severus had planned things and he reprimanded himself for not having better control over the situation. Harry was hanging limp in his arms, breath hot against his skin. It was then it dawned on Severus that Harry was totally relaxed right in this moment, so relaxed as he ever would be. 

Severus buried his nose in Harry’s sweat soaked hair.

“I love you, this is us, forever.” He whispered and placed the head of his straining, erect cock against the relaxed entrance after removing his fingers. With the lubricant spell, the stretching of his fingers and no muscles that could retract to stop his entry, his cock entered Harry easily, slowly gliding all the way until he was fully inside his soulmate. 

Harry’s head jerked upwards and his eyes widened in shock. Severus felt bad for using Harry’s after orgasm high to complete their bonding ritual but that thought was soon pushed to the back of his mind with every thrust into tight heat. He felt Harry struggle in his arms but he barely acknowledged it, too focused on his own pleasure that he had denied himself for so long. The sensations were overwhelming but more so the feelings of finally making Harry his, marking his soulmate with his scent and fluids. It was primal, but it was also pure and the reason why the bonding ceremony required the physical act of lovemaking. Just as the thought passed his hazy, lust-filled mind, he realized that it wasn’t love making he was currently engaged in but that he was fucking his soulmate who still struggled, fingernails leaving crescent-formed marks on his back. He immediately slowed down, hugging Harry tight against his chest, murmuring soothing words of love and safety until Harry stopped thrashing in his arms. 

Harry sobbed, tears streaming down his face. He felt like his whole body was on fire, the pain in his ass red and scorching, familiar. Fear had filled his soul like black acid, destroying everything in its wake. Logically, he knew that Severus didn’t do this to hurt him, that they both agreed on this ritual and that he had known what it entailed. But somehow, deep in his heart, he thought that it would be different. That lovemaking with his soulmate would not cause him the same pain, that everything would be different. 

And at first it had been; he had been overwhelmed by his own orgasm and when Severus had entered him it was slightly painful but nothing compared to what he had endured by Vernon. He almost enjoyed being so close to his soulmate, the one he loved more than anything in the world. But something changed; Severus eyes grew darker and unfocused and he moved harder and faster. Despite Harry’s pleas, he didn’t stop or slow down. Harry shivered, feeling cold and in pain. He wanted this to be over, this night that should have been about love now felt dark and unwelcoming. Maybe he should have known that this would never be about love. It was always about lust and power. Suddenly he felt as unloved and unwelcomed in this world like he had done in that basement. 

“I am so sorry, I am so sorry, I am so sorry,” Severus whispered desperately. He hadn’t seized his movements but slowed them until they were almost non-existent. He knew that he had messed up but he also knew that they needed to finish this,their lives depended on it.

He tried to meet Harry’s gaze but he averted his eyes time and time again and he turned his head when Severus tried to press his lips against Harry’s. In the end Severus closed his eyes, knowing that there was nothing he could do right now to make this better but finish the bonding.   
A few more hard thrusts brought him to the edge and he recited the ancient words completing the bonding ritual before he spilled his semen deep inside his soulmate.

The moment he removed his arms from Harry the younger one leaped away, swimming a couple of meters until he reached low ground, crawling back to land. Tears slid down Severus face as he watched Harry collapse on the wet sand. He hadn’t cried since Lily died and had promised he never would cry again. That was before his heart broke into a million pieces because he had once again hurt the person he loved.


	13. Chapter 13

Severus’ hands shook uncontrollably by the time he finally put his outstretched arms down. The arms that were a silent plea to his soulmate not to go; not flee from him. He wanted to say something, wanted to beg for forgiveness for the fact that he had once again proven not to be enough, not capable of protecting those he loved. He should have known better and yet the hope that Harry’s love had instilled in him made him believe that he could achieve happiness together with the one person he loved more than life itself. Back then, when he discovered Harry’s trauma he should have stayed away and found someone else to help the tormented and scarred boy. Somehow the beautiful illusion he had created together with Harry convinced him that it was the right thing to go through with the bonding. 

Maybe his father would be proven right after all these years. He couldn’t count the times he had heard that he was a disappointment and the world was better off without him while the belt engraved those words deep in his skin. Not only had his father seen it, but the Dark Lord had as well. He had known what an easy target Severus would be; he must have seen the evil inside of him just as Dumbledore had done only yesterday. 

The water cooled by the minute as desperate tears mixed with the dark lake. Severus wasn’t able to sustain the magic that kept the water warm and the hundreds of candles floating. One by one their light faded away until they finally dropped from the air, raining down into the lake with loud splashes. Severus hadn’t felt so truly powerless since he was a defenseless child, unable to control his own magic. He could conjure up his wand but he couldn’t find it in himself to do it. There was just no point. He stayed in the deep and cold water for a long while, his lips finally turning blue and his skin becoming even paler. It was Harry’s coughing that finally dragged him from the dark place inside his soul filled with self- loathing, and hatred. He didn’t want anything more than to just close his eyes and drown in that lake, even though he knew that he would never be able to do that. 

That coughing reminded him that he still held responsibility for his soulmate, even though his worst fear had come true. He was pretty sure Harry would loathe him for the rest of eternity, just as he had predicted. A prediction that his innocent lover had promised him would never come true. But it wasn’t Harry’s fault that he just couldn’t be trusted. Despite that, he couldn’t let Harry lay in the cold water any longer. His eyes strained in the darkness to find the motionless figure of his soulmate. Harry was still lying partially in the cold water, his head resting on the damp sand. The pain inside his soul took his breath away but he still approached Harry, slowly wading towards him. He knew that the other probably wouldn’t want to see him or talk to him but he still needed to get him out of the water and into the warmth of the tent. Then he could walk away.

When he reached Harry Severus held his breath for a couple of seconds because the other male looked like a corpse and not like a living and breathing wizard. Logically he knew that the other was alive because he could feel Harry’s magic pulsating deep down inside of him. But the sight was still frightening. Severus leaned down and put a hand gingerly on Harry’s shoulder. Harry’s skin felt damp and cold under his fingertips and Severus shuddered as new tears threatened to fall from his eyes. How could everything have gone so terribly wrong?

Harry opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his shoulders, tenderly caressing his cold skin. He turned his head and looked at the dark figure crouching next to him. It was dark now, the candles were gone and the cold water had numbed his legs. He couldn’t feel anything, not his legs or his arms, or the pain in his ass. Everything was just gone, swept away by cold waves. Harry had trouble keeping his eyes open; he was just so tired and wanted to ask the other to just leave him here. He would just sleep for a little while. Surely, there was no hurry now that the bonding happened? 

As his thoughts slowly took shape and the haze around his mind lifted Harry concentrated for the first time since the bonding on the changes he felt inside himself. Deep down, at his very core, he felt something pulsating. It was foreign and yet familiar, like the song his mother used to sing for him before bed. He couldn’t remember it clearly but when he heard the tunes it felt like an echo from a past life, it felt like home. This feeling, however, wasn’t elusive; it didn’t disappear as he approached it with his mind. Before his mind’s eye, he saw a glistening ball of light, made of silver and golden strands, woven tightly. It was beautiful and yet he could almost not look at it because it created a deep ache in his mind and soul. It was painful, he couldn’t stand getting closer and yet he did, fought against something pulling him back, fought against his lungs that wouldn’t cooperate any longer and against his heart, beating faster and faster. When he finally reached out and touched it everything drowned in a blinding white light and then everything went black. 

Panic spread through Harry, it was pitch-black and he couldn’t see anything. He needed to find Severus. He needed to find him and tell him that he was sorry. That he knew. He knew that the other never meant to hurt him, that he had overreacted, influenced by traumatic memories and panicked thoughts. He needed to tell him that he loved him, but as the seconds ticked on he grew more desperate, unable to see-- he screamed his soulmates name.

Severus startled awake by a loud scream. Someone was screaming. He tried to focus; it took him a couple of seconds for the world around him to take shape. He was still in the lake, his body draped over Harry’s. Severus remembered a sharp pain shaking his entire being followed by a blinding white light filled with peace and love. He recognized it as Harry who was screaming and he leaned forward to shake the boy awake. Moss green eyes connected with his, filled with desperation and fear. Fear of losing him, desperation because the other could not find him. 

Severus had no idea what exactly happened but everything, the bonding, the way he had hurt Harry and how the other had tried to flee from him, everything was clear now. He knew exactly what Harry was feeling. He knew exactly what Harry had felt at any given point in time. That’s when he realized that he hadn’t hurt Harry, at least physically. True, he had gotten carried away and didn’t notice how the fear and traumatic memories had altered reality for his soulmate. He knew also that Harry loved him, had already forgiven him just as he had already forgiven Harry for rejecting him. Severus had no idea what caused this but there were no longer any secrets, no dark thoughts hidden away and shameful feelings stored in the corners of their souls. It was all out in the open, all the wounds and all the scars. He could almost touch them with his mind, follow their pattern and acknowledge their beauty. Broken souls, bits, and pieces, not one of them healthy but together they created a perfect whole.

“Harry, what happened?” Severus whispered; his head and throat suddenly hurting. He licked his chapped lips and fought against the weakness washing over him. 

“Glistening ball. Magic. I touched it. I knew it was you.” 

Severus looked bewildered at his soulmate’s moving lips. It took him a couple of seconds to make some sense of the words. Before he could reply Harry started trembling violently and all thoughts of magic cores were replaced by worry for his soulmate. 

“We need to get you back into the tent and warmed up,” Severus said and got an affirmative nod from his soulmate. 

After helping Harry to get up from the ground they slowly walked back to the tent. Harry’s weight on Severus' shoulders was exhausting but comforting at the same time. Severus relished the way Harry pressed his body against his as if the only shelter from the cold he needed was Severus. Severus sighed in relief when they finally arrived inside the warm tent and Harry was able to lie down on the bed. Severus ignored the exhaustion that threatened to take over him and gathered some blankets to drape them over his shivering lover. Harry worried his lips and Severus flinched at the sight. He didn’t like Harry inflicting pain on himself, even if this just was an unconscious and harmless habit. Severus leaned down to place a chaste kiss on those chapped and still slightly blue lips.

For a fracture of a second Severus felt fear of being rejected once again but then Harry’s lips pressed against his own, Harry’s warm tongue licking his bottom lip. The worry for the other’s exhausted state kept him from fully giving into the kiss that filled him with relief. He opened his mouth as Harry’s impatient tongue demanded entrance. Harry’s impatience and sudden desire washed through his entire being, filling him with the younger male’s raging emotions. There were confusion and anxiety, but also a deep longing for closeness and touch. Harry’s emotions took shape inside of him almost if they were physical entities entering his mind and soul. Bits and pieces of feelings, perfectly fitting inside the jagged holes of his soul; making him whole in a way he hadn’t been since he was a small and innocent child. Severus couldn’t help himself but moan as Harry’s tongue met his, connecting their physical bodies just like their minds already were. Severus had never experienced anything like it, nor had he ever heard of it.

Of course, it was possible to read another person’s thoughts; he was a powerful Legilimens after all. When entering someone’s mind you could decipher the other’s feelings like a faint echo; he had done it so many times. What he was experiencing now was totally different; he could feel Harry’s emotions washing through him in their purest form. They felt just as close and pure as his own, with the only difference being that he could clearly tell that they were Harry’s. Besides entering his soulmates body for the first time, it was the most erotic and sensual thing he had ever experienced. 

Harry was still trying to get the older man to react to his fervent kisses. He felt like he was burning up and only Severus touches could save him. He didn’t feel cold anymore; the fire inside his soul had already warmed his body. He couldn’t stand to be apart from Severus another minute and linked his arms behind the other's neck to draw him closer.   
Harry had no idea what happened. He knew that touching that pulsating knot of magic wasn’t something you were supposed to do. His entire being, mentally and physically, had tried to warn him but the longing had been greater. Now he felt Severus inside of his mind and soul, a pulsating and glowing presence. It almost felt like the first good moments when Severus had penetrated him, he felt stretched and full in the most erotic sense of the words. He didn’t feel alone in his head anymore, trapped with his traumatic memories. Now there was Severus with all his emotions and feelings, so many mirroring his own; others foreign and captivating. Harry felt the other’s power, it was strong, dangerous and also dark. He felt his own magic and power wrap around the older wizard’s, matching the darkness with light, the danger with warmth and strength with tenderness. 

“Severus, please…” Harry whimpered, not capable of putting his longing into words. Their newfound connection pulsated and Severus sighed, feeling Harry’s longing mixing with his own. 

It was an intoxicating feeling, like standing on the highest tower knowing you only need to jump and you would be able to fly. Their bodies had recovered from the exhaustion of the blast, nurtured by their combined magic. They were now reacting to the intense connection, reminding them that their previous encounter got cut short. 

Harry pressed his erect cock against Severus' stomach, desperate for friction. The other’s toned muscles provided hardness and he couldn’t help himself but press closer, relishing the feeling of his heated skin meeting Severus’ still slightly damp. Harry licked his lips and let his gaze roam over Severus’ naked body. It was the first time he truly dared to look, his eyes focusing on hard nipples, a trail of black hair leading from Severus' stomach down to his groin and cock, hard and twitching. Harry noted that his lover was bigger than him, his cock thick with a red, glistening head. Harry remembered the feeling of being stretched by his lover but this time he thought about it without fear. He acknowledged that it only was the physical equivalent of being magically bonded and there was nothing dangerous or wrong about it. As his thoughts lingered on the memory, focusing on the good parts of it, he connected his eyes with Severus before he took his own cock, stroking it lazily while holding the others darkening gaze. 

The older male mirrored his movements, guiding his long and slender fingers over his cock, stroking slowly before caressing the head. The moment his fingers caressed the hot and sensitive skin they were met by a few droplets of fluid. Severus gathered them with his fingers, spreading them over his heated skin.

Harry’s eyes widened, something warm and needy made his stomach coil. He licked his lips repeatedly until he followed the urge and grabbed Severus hand. The other let go of his cock immediately and gave Harry a surprised glance that turned into a breathy whisper of his name when Harry took those fingers inside his mouth; licking and sucking to savor his lover’s taste. He released the fingers with a wet pop and smirked at the pure, dark lust that crashed in waves through him. Severus’ lust filling him and mixing with his own. 

Harry leaned back against the pillow, Severus between his spread legs. He could tell what the simple action had done to his lover by his lover’s glistening cock, now leaving wet patches on the skin on his thighs. That burning desire that had made him suck his lover’s finger demanded attention again, leaving him almost breathless and lightheaded. A pang of uncertainty reminded him how inexperienced he really was, unsure of how he should go about making his desire a reality.   
Severus leaned down and kissed him gently, their lips only meeting briefly.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his fingers tracing the outlines of Harry’s face. Somehow he knew what Harry desired and when his fingers brushed over Harry’s lips he opened his mouth again, wrapping his lips around them. 

Severus nodded, seemingly happy with the non-verbal answer. He left the space between Harry’s legs, slowly crawling upwards until his knees were placed on both sides of Harry’s torso, just under his arms. Harry’s face was only inches from the other’s hard cock and Harry breathed in his lover’s musky scent. Harry leaned forward, with a clear desire but only a faint idea of how this would actually work. He wrapped his mouth around Severus’ cock, his eyes widening at the girth of his soulmate. He released Severus again, his hand gingerly wrapping around his lover’s hard length. He stroked lightly, enjoying the feeling of blood pumping through the other’s cock, filling it impossibly more. Harry concentrated on the head of Severus cock, tenderly licking over the slit to capture the droplets of precum still emerging. Harry hummed appreciatively as the taste hit his taste buds, eager to feel and taste his soulmate in any possible way. He tried once again to fit Severus in his mouth but failed at the attempt halfway. He tried to suck and create friction to pleasure the other but the pain in his jaw forced him to give up after a few minutes. Harry sighed defeated and looked apologetically at Sev who now supported his weight with his both arms on the headboard, his long black hair creating a silky curtain. 

“You are wonderful, love,” he whispered, cupping Harry’s head with his hand, applying gentle force to move Harry’s mouth forwards. Harry couldn’t help but moan as the other’s cock brushed his lips, the simple display of gentle dominance caused Harry’s own cock to twitch, demanding attention. Harry reached down with one of his hands, relying on the older wizard to guide his heads movements and pay attention to his neglected cock. 

His rhythm was unstable and his movements jerky because he still concentrated on the cock now entering his mouth at regular intervals. His lover guided his head and Harry surrendered to the other's dominance, trusting that he would know what was best for them. Severus honored his trust by moving slowly, never entering Harry’s mouth further than what was comfortable and ensured that Harry had enough time for licking and nibbling around the now slightly swollen and red head. His senses worked overtime, assaulting with pleasure from all sides; his own arousal mixed with the taste of his lover on his tongue and the thrill of surrendering to his lover’s dominance. He wanted it to last forever and sighed accusingly when Severus pulled back.

“Did I do something wrong?” Harry asked, all of a sudden afraid that the other didn’t enjoy this as much as he did.   
Severus chuckled lightly.

“You do everything right, you are perfect, darling. But I won’t last much longer,” he said and winked at Harry, which against all odds made him blush.

“That was the whole idea, wasn’t it?” Harry answered, biting his lips at the daring statement. 

Severus' eyes widened and through their connection Harry could feel something dark and possessive run through him, clearly coming from Severus. Without another word the older wizard moved forward again, causing Harry to smile before he opened his mouth. 

Before Severus entered Harry’s mouth he paused once again.

“Are you ok, my love?” he asked, his voice colored with concern, his eyes frantically searching for some clue in Harry’s face if the other really wanted to take things further. He hadn’t forgotten how traumatized and sad Harry had been after the bonding ritual. He didn’t want his soulmate to go through something similar ever again.

Harry nodded, the love he felt for his soulmate almost took his breath away. He was thankful for the consideration and care the older wizard showed him even in moments like these when he was shaking with desperate arousal. Harry’s mind wandered to the moment the physical bonding took place, ashamed that he had thought his soulmate would intentionally hurt him just to demonstrate his power. Harry pressed his eyes shut to chase the unwelcome thoughts and feelings away. Once again he tried to focus on the present: the velvety skin of Severus cock brushing over his trembling lips, sticky droplets of precum clinging to his lips and the scent of sweat and arousal in the air around them. Harry licked slowly over his lips, catching the fluid remaining there before he opened his mouth wide to let his lover enter him. Severus’ length filled his mouth and Harry tried feverishly to massage it with his tongue and lips. He knew instinctively to keep his teeth away and work his tongue over the head of Severus’ leaking cock. It throbbed inside his mouth, twitching as Severus’ movements became faster and jerkier. Their eyes connected for a brief moment; a lust filled haze clouding Severus’ dark ones. Their connection sparked once again, filling their souls with pure and unconditional love. 

Severus released Harry’s head and placed his hands gently on Harry’s shoulders, visibly giving up the control he had yielded for a while. He closed his eyes and Harry felt a rush of pure adrenaline at the sight of the older man surrendering to his administrations. Until the last moment, Harry wasn’t sure how far he wanted to go and he could feel his soulmate hold back as if he was picking up on that uncertainty. Harry made his decision when Severus tenderly cupped his face and caressed the skin underneath his eyes. It was such a loving gesture, filling him with the longing to give as much pleasure to his soulmate as possible. Only seconds later Severus keened Harry’s name, his hips jerking forward and his cock throbbing inside of Harry’s mouth spilling warm, slightly bitter cum on Harry’s tongue. Harry was overwhelmed by the overload on his senses, his cock almost hurting from the desperate arousal that filled him. 

Severus pulled back a few seconds later, wetting Harry’s lips as he withdrew his cock. Harry looked at Severus wide-eyed until the older wizard settled in a more comfortable position next to him, immediately wrapping his arms around Harry, finding his swollen lips for a long kiss. Severus didn’t hesitate when Harry opened his lips, allowing him entrance. He dipped his tongue inside, meeting Harry’s and the lingering taste of his own cum inside the other’s mouth. 

Severus broke the kiss and nibbled at Harry’s earlobe while taking the other’s cock in his hand.

“I am going to take care of you now,” he whispered.

Goosebumps erupted all over Harry’s body as the older wizard spooned him from behind, aligning their bodies from their backs to their feet, their ankles linked. Harry felt Severus’ softening cock against the small of his back, velvety and still slightly moist skin connecting with his. Severus’ hand wrapped around his arousal made it difficult for him to concentrate on anything else than those slender fingers pumping his cock. The movements were nothing like the slow, tender strokes Severus had focused on in the lake. Now they were faster and the pressure on his cock kept increasing as the seconds ticked by. A long moan escaped Harry’s parted lips when Severus kissed and sucked the sensitive skin on his neck, his tongue exploring the curve of Harry’s shoulder. 

“You like this?” Severus asked right before he hardened his strokes, adding a gentle pinch every time his fingers passed the head of Harry’s cock. 

The pleasure almost overwhelmed Harry. This time the slowly building pleasure was replaced by a sharp, explosive wave whenever Severus increased his tempo or the pressure he applied to Harry’s cock. 

“Mhhmmmm…,” Harry murmured, unable to form actual words when such intense pleasure assaulted his senses and had his whole body in a state of anticipative tension.

“Use your words, Harry,” Severus replied, his tone transporting Harry back to a classroom in Hogwarts. It was one of the sexiest things Harry could imagine and it left his mouth dry and him gasping for air.

“Yes, Sir!” Harry exclaimed, causing Severus to gently bite down on the juncture of his now sweaty shoulders.

“Good boy,” Severus whispered hoarsely, sending Harry right over the edge, almost screaming his soulmate’s name. 

The orgasm hit Harry so hard that he wasn’t able to move or think for a while. His heart pounded in his chest and he breathed erratically. He had his eyes closed, giving into the humming that vibrated through his body. Harry heard his lover murmur but he couldn’t understand the words, still trapped inside the glowing feeling of pure pleasure. Harry’s senses returned when he felt rough, wet fabric glide over his very sensitive skin. He whimpered at the sensation, it wasn’t really uncomfortable but his skin felt like he was on fire still.

“Shh my love, let me take care of you. I am just going to clean you a little,” Severus explained in a whisper. 

When Harry didn’t react to his words he proceeded to gently run the washcloth he had conjured up over Harry's shoulders, down his arms and his torso. Severus cleaned Harry’s stomach and private parts with tender care, removing the evidence of their lovemaking. When he was done, he gathered the blanket that had slipped to the floor and covered his soulmate before resuming his position behind Harry, spooning him into a gentle embrace. It took only minutes until Severus joined Harry in an exhausted sleep.

It was morning when they finally woke up from a dreamless sleep. They didn’t need any words to communicate the feeling of power pulsating between them. Without a word, they both knew they were ready to face Dumbledore and the rest of the world. Nothing could separate them now and if anyone would try they would die doing so. 

After a silent bath in the lake they put on some fresh clothes and Severus removed the evidence of their presence and the warding that kept them hidden from all eyes. They walked hand in hand through the small patch of wood and entered the meadow where they had arrived only yesterday. 

It was a cold, slightly damp day, small droplets of moisture hanging in the air. It was a typical, unfriendly summer day. The sky looked grey, dark clouds forming slowly promising a rainy and possibly stormy day. Earlier, Harry would maybe have regarded this as a bad omen but knew he almost looked forward to meeting Dumbledore. Together, he and Severus were more powerful than even that old goat. Harry smirked as he imagined the headmaster’s face when he realized he was out powered and outsmarted. Harry chuckled bitterly, causing Severus to smile at him.

“You know, at times I really am not surprised that the sorting hat wanted to put you in Slytherin. You would make a good Slytherin-- with some work. I mean now that you are bonded to one maybe you should think about changing houses,” Severus teased, earning a scuff from Harry.

“You wish,” Harry answered, his taunting smile replaced by an angry expression as he noticed the figure clad in purple robes approaching them. It only had taken the headmaster a couple of minutes to locate them since the wards had been removed. 

“Severus Snape!” The headmaster shouted angrily as he approached the couple, standing shoulder to shoulder, hands intertwined. 

The headmaster came closer but faltered in his steps a couple of feet away from Harry and Severus. He looked back and forth between them, his eyes wide and round, his expression horrified.

“For Merlin’s sake, what have you done?” he asked.


	14. Chapter 14

The headmaster approached them cautiously after his initial outburst. He eyed them warily, his eyes residing on their intertwined hands. The power they now shared couldn’t be seen but it could be felt by any powerful wizard standing in close proximity. Somehow the revelation of their bond and newfound power fueled the anger displayed in Dumbledore's blue eyes. It wasn’t often these eyes looked cold and infuriated but when they did it was an intimidating sight for any Hogwarts’ student. 

Luckily, Harry mused, he was now bonded to a wizard that had perfected the art of an ice cold stare and snarky remarks. If it would come down to a staring contest or a shouting match he would always place his bets on Severus. 

“Only a fool asks questions that have an obvious and visible answer, Albus,” Severus sneered, his hand tightening around Harry’s wrists. 

“I am disappointed in you, Severus. Taking an underage wizard as lover and forcing him into a ancient bonding ritual just to chain him to your side for all eternity- congratulations, the Dark Lord couldn’t have done a better job in ruining Harry’s future, well, besides killing him, of course.” 

“Albus, you are completely out of line,” Severus replied coldly.  
He knew that Albus was furious because they had outsmarted him. Their goal was, however, to come back to Hogwarts and live a normal life, which meant they needed to make peace with the old man. 

“Let’s talk about this like civilized people,” Severus continued, extending a hand towards the headmaster.

“Civilized, Severus? I am not sure you know what that means. In my eyes you are a criminal. I know how a bonding ritual works and that is statutory rape in my books. I can’t believe that there isn’t a ounce of shame in your body. How could…” The headmaster was interrupted by Harry practically jumping at him, screaming in rage. 

The headmaster yelped helplessly as he tried to avoid Harry’s flailing arms. In the end, he couldn’t hold his balance and they both toppled over. The headmaster’s wide(-)eyed stare just angered Harry further and fueled the desire to hurt the old man; to take revenge for the harsh words spoken towards his soulmate. 

Severus hadn’t reacted in the slightest to the headmaster’s words. His face stoic and voice cold that no one would have guessed how much those words actually hurt him. Despite the usually friendly banter between him and the headmaster, Severus had always admired the older wizard and in time Albus had become a father figure. He didn’t like every decision the old wizard had made but he valued the headmaster’s opinions and insights as well as his company.

The wave of hurt and pain rolling through their bond had literally taken Harry’s breath away, his chest tightening at the onslaught of emotions coming from his soulmate. The deep despair Severus felt because Dumbledore believed he had forced Harry into this had ignited a righteous and blinding rage inside of Harry. 

Severus had been the only one ever offering Harry help and compassion. He had saved him knowing what was at risk and how those actions could destroy his career and reputation. Still, he had been courageous and loved Harry despite his broken and scarred soul which prevented Harry offering Severus a normal physical relationship without anxiety and restraints. 

Harry couldn’t believe Dumbledore had actually accused Severus of a form of rape, knowing what Harry had experienced and how it almost had destroyed him. Even in his darkest moments when Harry had felt lonely and helpless, only a pawn in a game against the Dark Lord, his faith in Dumbledore had always remained strong. He had trusted the headmaster to do what was right for the greater good. 

As Harry looked down on the old wizard it dawned on him that Dumbledore's words and his disregard for Severus’ feelings and Harry’s abuse had washed away all trust and faith he once had in Dumbledore. Now he only saw a bitter wizard, feeling resentful because he got outsmarted. Somewhere along the way this had morphed from concern for Harry into the desire to prove them wrong. The unfairness of it all hit Harry hard, his eyes welling over with tears and his voice hoarse from screaming insults at the man underneath him who had stopped struggling. 

Ten minutes later Harry was laying in the meadow, his forehead buried in lush and slightly damp green grass. The musky scent of grass and wet dirt invaded his nose and he inhaled deeply. Tears were still streaming down his heated cheeks but he had stopped brushing them off. His body was shaking with the effort to repress the sobs that tried to escape his throat. The metallic taste of blood alerted him that he once again had sunken his teeth into his lower lip. For a moment the pain drowned out the arguing wizards behind him. He had stopped listening to them a while ago; it had become too painful to hear Severus recount the events that ultimately had led to their bonding and Harry’s emotional reaction to Dumbledore’s questions. 

The accusations from the headmaster thrown like sharp spears, each one causing more pain than the last had drowned every logical though in Harry’s mind. He couldn’t stand seeing his soulmate treated like a criminal; someone who took advantage of his students, someone who molested and raped. The moment the headmaster had uttered the words ‘statutory rape’ Harry had stopped thinking and just acted on the rage that had built inside of him bubbling over like erupting lava. 

Harry lifted his head and cast a glance over his shoulders to at last assess the situation. Dumbledore looked disheveled, his hands clenching and unclenching around his wand. He stared wide-eyed at Severus who widely gesticulated, possibly trying to explain what had provoked Harry to launch himself at the headmaster. Harry still tried to catch his breath after the rage that had consumed him only minutes ago. It had somehow started as a tremble at his very core, a righteous fury against the unfairness of the interrogation they had to endure. 

Years and years of abuse piled on his slender shoulders in addition to Dumbledore's accusations against Severus and the condescending way he had ignored Harry’s presence altogether had been too much.. 

Luckily, Harry had been stopped by Severus suddenly merging with his mind and soul, whispering calming and loving words, coaxing him to let go of the old man beneath him. Severus’ presence cleared his mind from the fog of rage and resentment long enough to show him that he was about to destroy their chances of coming back to Hogwarts. Harry had slowly let go of the headmaster but before he turned to run away he had told the headmaster the one prominent thought on his mind.

“I can forgive you for all of this. But I will never and I repeat NEVER forgive you for talking to Severus like he is a criminal who has taken advantage of me. I will never forgive you if you utter one more accusing word against my HUSBAND.” 

After that, he had turned around and run away, up the hill until he reached one of the giant trees scattered around the area. Harry had buried his head in the grass believing that he had destroyed any chance they had of coming back to Hogwarts because of his emotional display. He knew that Severus had planned on arguing heir case calmly and sensibly to convince the headmaster to let them come back but Harry hadn’t been able to endure the probing questions and accusations. Even if their bonding meant that the headmaster couldn’t sack Severus or expel Harry he could still make their life at Hogwarts hell; demanding that Harry and Severus not live as a couple during the term. It was still his school and thereby his rules. Both Harry and Severus had agreed that they would only come back to Hogwarts if the circumstances allowed them to have a proper life together. 

Harry slowly rolled over and stared up at the sky. It was still gray and heavy with clouds. The grass tickled his neck and the dampness soaked his thin shirt. The voices of the two wizards had become quieter; he had no way of knowing what was spoken but he had no desire to listen to them arguing or working out the practicalities of the end of Severus employment. Even though this meeting hadn’t gone as they had planned or wished for Harry was still relieved because it was almost over. Now they could leave Hogwarts and the people who didn’t support them, even if it hurt. Sacrificing friendships, a career, and a normal life seemed almost ludicrous but in the light of their love, he and Severus both felt it was right and the only option. 

Harry must have dozed off staring at the sky because he was startled awake by the slender fingers of his husband caressing his cheek. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the drowsiness that had settled over him. Harry stifled a yawn and rubbed his damp neck. Severus looked at him concerned, eyeing him carefully from head to toe as if he expected Harry to be injured-- broken somehow. Harry smiled lightly to signal that the older man needn’t worry. 

“Are you alright, Harry?” Severus inquired in a low whisper. 

Harry nodded and closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into the touch of Severus’ hand on his cheek. Love flooded him, pure and bright causing Harry to draw in a deep breath. Before he could say anything Severus lips pressed against his own in a chaste kiss. Severus broke the kiss before Harry had the chance to give into his longing to deepen it. 

Dumbledore cleared his throat in an attempt to gain the attention of the two men so clearly lost in each other. Severus looked back at the headmaster with a thin-lipped smile and took Harry’s hand gingerly into his own. 

“Harry, I am truly sorry for your endless and unfair suffering. I wish I could do something to change it, to erase it from your destiny. No one should ever suffer like this, certainly not a child. It is a tragedy but seeing your love for Severus so violently displayed made me realize that your union is probably the one good thing that has come of this.” The headmaster paused and shook his head at Harry who gaped at him like he suddenly had turned into a pink elephant. 

“But why…..” Harry stammered but was swiftly interrupted by the headmaster.

“I am not saying I approve of the way this has been done. I don’t approve of student/teacher relationships and I don’t approve of taking wizards that are not of age as lovers. However, I do understand and see the purity and depth of your bond. Severus made me see how my own reaction forced you to rush things. If I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did maybe you both would have been inclined to give your relationship more time.” 

“Probably,” Severus answered dryly, his eyebrows arched in surprise that the headmaster had taken his words to heart. 

Severus had been horrified when Harry tried to attack the headmaster but somehow it had helped to shake Albus out of his assumptions about their relationship and made him listen and look for the first time. What the old man had seen had startled him deeply, Severus could tell. The pure agony in Harry’s screams and the barely veiled threat had painted a clear picture of their love and devotion towards one another. 

“To show that I am truly sorry for everything that happened I will invite you back to Hogwarts. At first, I was adamant that you spend the term as a student in the dorms but Severus can be very convincing when he is so inclined.” 

Harry snorted and shook his head. The sudden turn of events had him feeling somewhat disoriented. 

“I told Albus that if we are coming back to the castle we do so as husbands. We will not hide our relationship. I promised him though that I will treat you like any other student when you are attending my class and make you work hard. God knows your potion skills need it.” Severus explained and yelped as Harry slapped him on the shoulder. 

“My potion skills are fine,” Harry grunted, shooting angry glances at Severus for that comment.   
Severus smiled slyly and tried to hide his amusement at Harry’s reaction.

“Does that mean we are going back, for real?” Harry asked, barely containing the hope tinging his voice and the smile that made his eyes shine bright green. 

“Yes, love,” Severus whispered, leaning forward to kiss his soulmate once again. This time he ignored the presence of the old wizard next to them and let his tongue momentarily dip into the wet heat of Harry’s mouth. The younger male opened his mouth without hesitation, inviting Severus into a passionate kiss, their tongues battling for dominance. This time it took somewhat longer until the headmaster once again cleared his throat. 

Severus chuckled lightly at the faint blush coloring Dumbledore’s cheeks and his eyes that flickered between them before settling on the tree. 

“Well, boys, I think I’ll give you some privacy to discuss the details of your living situation after summer. I’ll see you in Hogwarts whenever you feel ready. Please know that despite the harsh words spoken today it is still your home.” 

Before the younger wizards could reply, the headmaster vanished into thin air, probably apparating back to Hogwarts or wherever he chose to spend his summer. 

“By Merlin's beard, this old goat will one day be the source of every gray hair on my head.” Severus murmured earning an amused smile from Harry, who teasingly started to take strands of silky black hair into his hands seemingly interested in finding those gray hairs.

“Oh stop it, will you. Don’t mock me for my age, boy,” Severus growled, his voice dangerously low and deep. 

“Of course not, sir,” Harry replied dryly. He swallowed hard when he realized that his words didn’t have the intended effect of mocking his soulmate but instead had darkened the older wizards gaze while he repeatedly licked his lips. 

Harry’s heart thumped painfully as Severus leaned down to kiss Harry’s neck. The relief Harry had been feeling mixed with longing to be close to Severus. He hugged Severus tightly, enjoying the older man's lips brushing against his collarbone. 

“So, does that mean you will be a good boy for me from now on?” Severus whispered against Harry’s heated skin. He loved the way his Harry’s skin reddened all over his body when he became aroused. Severus had slipped one hand under Harry’s shirt, caressing the other's stomach in tender strokes. Severus had been aroused by the way Harry had called him “sir” earlier this morning and judging by Harry’s reaction he had seemed to like it just as much as Severus. Reminding himself of Harry’s trauma he wanted to make sure that the other would enjoy a playful and light display of dominance once in a while. Even though Severus himself had a dominant personality and liked to explore that in his sexual encounters he would never speak of it again if Harry showed any signs of being uncomfortable. 

“Yes, Sir, I promise,” Harry murmured, his words turning into a moan when Severus cupped Harry’s hardness through his trousers. 

Severus watched Harry’s face intently, reading not only the physical signs but trying to interpret the emotions that his partner radiated. There was relief, happiness, lust, and longing all tangled into a cobweb of emotions and desire. Severus couldn’t find a trace of anxiety and he finally relaxed into Harry’s tight grip. 

“Well, you better, you wouldn’t want to earn yourself any detention would you?” Severus asked while kissing the perfect shell of Harry’s ear. Severus smirked at Harry’s very physical reaction to his question. Harry bucked his hips, trying to create some friction, the lust floating through their bond amplified, almost desperate. 

“Severus, I need….” Harry exclaimed but got interrupted by Severus spell that made his clothes disappear in seconds. Harry didn’t have any time to voice his thoughts about risks of being caught by someone taking a walk before Severus quickly dropped to his knees and a sudden wet heat embraced his cock. Any thoughts had disappeared from his mind, the only thing remaining was that pulsating desire, so desperate to feel his soulmate in any way possible. Harry tried to control his hips but he couldn’t help himself and bucked desperately to feel more of the tightness enveloping his cock. 

“Stay still and let me take care of you. Be a good boy now,” Severus said after releasing Harry for a second, his voice deep and strict. It sent shivers down Harry’s spine and he once again surrendered to the man he loved. Harry noticed that surrendering to another out of love, trust, and your own free will was surprisingly arousing. The dominance in his soulmates voice made his stomach coil in need and created goosebumps all over his body. Harry tried to obey the order and stayed as motionless as he possibly could while the other sucked the head of his cock in a way that made him see stars. It took only a short while before Harry couldn’t control his moans and his hips started jerking again involuntarily. 

When Severus released him again he almost sobbed at the loss of heat and friction when he needed it the most. His body was covered in sweat despite the relatively low temperature and he keened Severus’ name to prompt him into continuing. 

“Mhm, so desperate to cum. You want me to make you cum?” Severus asked teasingly, his fingers brushing against Harry’s hard length, causing the other to cry out. 

“Please, sir, please,” Harry begged, the words almost as big a turn on as Severus touches. 

It took only a couple of firm strokes with Severus’ big hands until Harry spilled his seed all over his stomach. After that he simply tried to draw in as much air as possible in his lungs, feeling like had been under water a long time. Severus was by his side momentarily putting a blanket over Harry’s naked lower body that he must have conjured up. 

“I love you,” Severus murmured into Harry’s sweat soaked hair. 

It took a while until Harry felt able to form any words but when he finally did the first thing that came out was “wow, this was amazing!”

Severus put a feathery kiss on Harry’s nose, his hand squeezing Harry’s smaller one.

“I wasn’t sure if this would be ok, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Severus stated, his gaze fixated on the empty meadow in front of him. 

Harry rested his head on Severus' shoulders, his arms tightly wrapped around his husband's thin frame. 

“Next time we should maybe try this somewhere more private,” Harry deadpanned earning a snort from Severus. 

“Indeed. I think it is time to go home and plan the rest of the summer and more importantly the rest of our lives,” Severus agreed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,   
> first of all I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who read, left kudos and commented on the story. Thanks for sticking around despite my irregular update intervals. Please know that each and everyone of you has made me so happy. It has been quiet a journey, my first story in this fandom and I would never have imagined that I'd get such a warm and wonderful welcome. I just wanted to warn you all that the story is coming to an end. Next chapter will be the last. However, I will not abandon this story fully instead I plan on writing a series of one-shots as a sequel.   
> Lots of hugs

After the bonding ceremony and the fight with Dumbledore, both Severus and Harry felt the need to seclude themselves and spend some time alone at Spinner’s End. They were husbands now but they had only been together for a short time when they bonded so they needed time to adjust to their new situation. Severus had been alone most of his life and having another person in close proximity at all times could be overwhelming even if he loved Harry more than life itself. 

During the following weeks, they discovered each other's daily routines, habits, and quirks. Harry learned that Severus had a sweet tooth and didn’t mind spending ridiculous amounts of money on expensive chocolates. Harry had the chance to revive the baking skills his aunt had taught him and baked sweet treats almost daily for his soulmate who worked on his potions at the same time. Severus’ happiness and glistening eyes were reward enough but the older male still went out of his way to show his appreciation and make Harry happy with small gestures like reading Harry’s favorite books for him. 

With his head in Severus’ lap Harry felt content, the dark rumble of Sev’s voice soothing the anxiety that could sometimes well up when the clock approached nighttime and the darkness crept closer. Harry’s nightmares were less intensive when he slept in Severus' arms but they still occurred, disturbing the older male in his sleep. Sometimes Harry cried desperate tears because he still couldn’t embrace the sexual side of their relationship fully even though he was able to shut down anxiety and unwanted memories most of the time. But there were still difficult days when the anxiety and fear came back, luring him into believing that everything would come crashing down on him if he fully believed he was finally saved. Severus had endless patience with his young husband, drying Harry’s tears for hours while murmuring words of love into his hair. 

Despite the occasional difficulties they spent their time enjoying each other’s company and the process of getting to know each other. Harry usually slept in while Severus was up and about early in the morning working on his potions. When Harry emerged from the bedroom Severus smelled like herbs, his fingertips discolored from potion ingredients and his hair curling slightly from the humidity in the potions lab. He looked adorable to Harry who didn’t waste any time with breakfast but started his day with heavy make-out sessions instead. These occasions left them both hot and bothered, sometimes they retreated directly to their bedroom to help each other find release and pleasure and sometimes they focused on breakfast instead to cool down. 

This particular morning they had stopped after Harry had spent half an hour on Severus’ lap kissing him like there was no tomorrow. The night leading up to this morning had been haunted by nightmares and Severus pushed Harry away before things could get out of hand, sensing that the other wasn’t ready to get more physical right now.

Instead, Harry resumed his seat on the opposite end of the kitchen table and started to butter the scones he had baked yesterday. 

“Were there any letters for me this morning?” Harry inquired while preparing his tea. He had heard an owl arrive early this morning, the sounds of claws on window glass and shooing being unmistakable. 

Severus frowned and shook his head.

“There have been no letters, you know I can’t stand owls.” 

“Yeah, I know, that's why I was so surprised hearing one this morning,” Harry explained, remembering that he awoke and spent an hour or so missing Hedwig. 

“Well, you must be mistaken. This is a muggle suburb, there are no owls here unless someone is foolish enough to send one. But who would that be? Haven’t you said that you haven’t heard anything from your friends after you notified them of our bonding?” Severus casually took the folded newspaper from the table and eyed the headlines. 

Harry looked down on his scone, the spoon with strawberry jam pausing right above it. His appetite vanished so he put the spoon on the edge of his plate. Severus’ words hurt even though they were entirely the truth. It wasn’t like Severus to show such disregard for his feelings but when he reached out with his mind all he felt was muteness. 

After their bonding, it took a couple of days until they figured out how their bond worked. The presence of the other’s feelings and thoughts all the time was exhausting and they both found that they needed to shut down the bond from time to time so that they would be able to concentrate on tasks at hand like brewing potions or reading. They found that with some concentration they could temporarily shelter themselves from their partner's emotions, however, that only worked if they weren’t physically close or somehow lost control, for example, falling asleep. They both were content with that solution because they would mainly need it when they were at Hogwarts and needed to concentrate on teaching and learning. Why Severus would have put his shields up at breakfast was beyond Harry and his heart clenched. Was Severus angry because he had once again woken him with screams from his peaceful sleep? 

“I am sorry I cost you that much sleep last night, I’ll try to be better,” Harry watched his husband read the newspaper, only acknowledging his words with a nod and a small smile. 

Harry took a deep and calming breath, reprimanding himself because he worried about nothing. Of course, Severus had the right to some privacy, in the morning or otherwise. They had talked about trusting each other and that they wouldn’t use the bond to invade the other’s mind on purpose. Even in a deeply loving relationship, you want to keep some thoughts to yourself. That’s why Severus putting up his shields this morning shouldn’t bother Harry the least but somehow he felt that something was off without being able to pinpoint the exact source of the feeling. Harry watched Severus contently reading the newspaper and nibbling on some toast, his face calm. 

“You know, I really wish I could do something about the nightmares disturbing your sleep. You must be so tired because you start your day so early,” Harry couldn’t stop the anxiousness from seeping into his voice.

Severus put the newspaper down and raised an eyebrow in question. Even without their connection active, Harry’s emotions radiated like he was a human lighthouse.

“I never said your dreams bother me, love. It’s not your fault,” Severus said and reached out to cover Harry’s smaller hand with his own. 

“I know you haven’t said anything, you don’t need to for me to feel bad about these troubled nights. I just wish I could get rid of them.” Harry sighed and leaned back, his eyes focused on his almost untouched breakfast. Silence invaded the room and the noises from the street could be heard. A child calling for its mother and the sound of feet walking by on gravel. Harry took a deep breath in order to not let his emotions get out of hand. He had no reason to be reacting that strongly just because Sev seemed a bit more distant. They had actually made out only half an hour ago and his husband had seemed as loving and passionate as ever. 

“You know I love you, right?” Harry asked nervously, not fully being able to push the anxious thoughts to the back of his mind. 

“Of course, love. What is bothering you this morning? You seem so agitated,” Severus inquired calmly, slowly stroking the palm of Harry’s hand with his fingertips. 

“Nothing, nothing. Everything is fine, I think I am just tired.” 

Harry tried to smile and was for the first time this morning thankful that Severus had put his shields up, that way he would not be able to catch him lying. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. 

A feeling of restlessness and uncertainty had accompanied Harry all day, even as he laid in Severus lap by nightfall and listened to the other read Jane Eyre. Severus had chosen the book this time and surprisingly Harry liked it even though he would never have picked it himself. He felt that the love story captivated him despite its age and complicated English. This evening, however, the words washed over Harry without registering in his mind. Instead, he went back to the nagging feeling that something was wrong in his head over and over again, like touching an aching tooth with his tongue. 

When Severus closed the book Harry felt on edge and not at all ready to go to sleep. His body reminded him that their kissing this morning never led to anything more exciting, filling him with the longing to be close to his soulmate. Harry craved the physical affirmation of their love right now, he only waited until Sev had put the book down until he threw his arms around Severus in a tight hug accompanied by small kisses on the other's neck and ear. Severus chuckled lightly and squeezed Harry for a moment before he gently pushed him away. 

“Sorry, love, I need to finish up on some potions. Go ahead to sleep, it is late and you don’t have to wait up for me,” Severus explained, putting a kiss on Harry’s cheek before leaving the sofa altogether. 

Harry frowned in disappointment, this was the first time since their bonding that Harry had to go to sleep by himself in a dark room. Fear washed over him at the thought and he felt ashamed for his panicked reaction. He knew that he was safe in this house but the darkness was so unsettling that any logical thoughts didn’t help. 

“I don’t mind waiting, I can read my new Quidditch magazine and watch you brew,” Harry stated with a smile that didn’t fully reach his eyes. 

“Harry, I’d rather not have you watching me brew. You know that I like spending time with you but we can’t be together all hours of the day and I need my privacy to concentrate on my potions.” 

Harry swallowed thickly and blinked a few times in confusion. Severus sounded once again distant, almost cold. Harry bit his lip in an effort to calm his nerves and not overreact. Why of all the days, Severus chose the one he felt most vulnerable and needy to demand privacy, Harry had no idea. Maybe Severus had been bothered by his need for closeness and affection for a while? Harry reached out with his soul once again but still found their bond inactive and mute. All of a sudden Harry missed Sev despite the fact that the other hadn’t even left the room yet. 

“Of course, I will go to bed,” Harry whispered defeatedly. Being unwanted wasn’t a new experience for Harry and he knew that it never helped to beg or plead. Affection and love had to be given not demanded. Harry’s heart throbbed painfully at the thought that he maybe had been too needy and demanded too much attention from his soulmate. He had been without love for such a long time it had been like paradise being with Severus. Naturally, he would spend every minute of every day with him if he could. Harry never grew tired of cuddles and kisses. Being physically close to his husband eased his anxiety and helped with the nightmares.

After his evening routine of brushing his teeth, he had tried to read a Quidditch magazine but had to give up because he couldn’t concentrate on the content. Instead, his mind wandered down dangerously dark paths, feeling lonely in the big bed. Harry shivered despite the warmth of the crackling fire and wished once again that his husband would finally come to bed. 

It was several hours before Severus finally entered the room on silent footsteps. Harry stared, wide awake at the ceiling, doing nothing to hide that he hadn't been able to get any sleep. Severus didn’t comment on Harry being awake, instead, he just climbed under the covers and folded his hands on his stomach and yawned. Harry felt the itching need to scoot closer and hug his soulmate but he didn’t do it. If Severus felt bothered by the closeness Harry didn’t want to risk making his husband angry. Rationally he knew that he demanded a lot of patience from his soulmate with his constant need to touch and yet never giving his body fully but stopping every effort Sev made of actually having sex with him. He felt so guilty about it but he had no idea how to overcome his fear. 

Harry watched Severus close his eyes and listened to Severus’ breathing, slow and even. He tried to blink the tears away and turned around when he failed to do so. Harry couldn’t help but feel lonely and pushed away even though Severus hadn’t done anything wrong. Harry’s instincts, however, told him that something between them was off. The last thought that crossed Harry’s mind before he finally fell asleep was that their bond had been mute all day and that he missed his husband's presence inside of his soul and mind. 

The next morning Harry tried to push away any negative thoughts. He felt bad for being unfair towards his soulmate who tried his best to make Harry happy. Harry had decided to ignore the nagging feeling that had emerged yesterday and just trust that his soulmate loved him and would tell him if something was wrong. Harry went downstairs with newfound energy. He would cook a hearty breakfast and suggest to his soulmate that he could take the remainder of the morning for his potions while Harry planned on going for a walk. 

Downstairs everything was quiet and the door to the potions lab stood ajar. Harry wrinkled his forehead and went to find out if Severus was in the living room or the kitchen. After peeking out into the garden Harry realized that he was alone in the house. Uncertain and confused, Harry went through all the rooms once more. When he passed by the kitchen table he realized that he hadn’t noticed the piece of parchment residing on the polished surface. 

Harry couldn’t help but smile at Severus’ exquisite writing style, his letters always looked like works of art. The curved words in black ink told Harry that Severus had gone out to do some errands. The note left him puzzled and with a sinking feeling in his stomach. Why would Severus go out without him? It just didn’t make sense, they could have spent the day together in the city. The feeling that had bothered him yesterday returned with full force leaving him sad and exhausted. Harry felt like something was happening right outside his field of vision but he couldn’t see no matter how much he turned his head. 

Harry tried to focus on his breathing, the way the air filled his lungs. His heart hammered in his chest and he knew that he was on his way to having a panic attack if he didn’t calm down. The last thing he wanted was having one of those while being alone. Harry closed his eyes and counted to a hundred before he opened them again. His hands holding the parchment were still shaking but at least his heart had resumed a normal pace. 

Harry spent the morning reading a crime novel with half-hearted attention, one ear always straining to hear the front door opening and his husband’s footsteps. It was way past lunchtime when the waiting came to an end and Severus entered their house, carefree whistling and juggling the keys to the front door in his hands. Anger and disappointment tightened Harry’s chest but he remained seated on the sofa in the library. Harry had decided he would not let his husband know how much his behavior yesterday and his absence today had him on edge. Best case scenario was that Harry was overreacting and imagining things that weren’t there, like owls arriving early in the morning. But if something was going on Harry intended on finding out what it was exactly. 

“Hello, love, I am home,” Severus climbed the stairs two at the time, smiling at Harry. 

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Harry commented dryly, being well aware that his husband hated shopping and running errands. Severus smile never faltered and he put a small package on the table. 

“I got you some of the hazelnut fudge you were talking about last week,” Severus leaned down and kissed Harry on the cheek. 

Harry felt guilty for a moment. Here he was suspicious and angry while his husband had thought of him while he was out. Which didn’t answer the nagging question why he had left without telling Harry in the first place.

“Thanks. Where have you been?” Harry asked as innocently as he could muster. He watched Severus walking towards their bedroom and disappearing behind the door. Another door was opened followed by the rustling of fabric. When Severus reemerged he had changed his shirt from the silky long-sleeved shirt to an ordinary white t-shirt. Harry wrinkled his forehead but stayed silent, waiting for an answer to his question.

“Gringotts. I had some errands. Everything is sorted now.” Sev replied casually and walked down the stairs with a smile on his lips. Harry knew that smile and his stomach dropped as he recognized it. Severus always smiled like this when he was very happy with his own efforts and content. Harry usually got to see that smile right after Severus made Harry come undone in his arms. Why would the other be so happy over a visit at Gringotts? Harry knew for a fact that Severus hated that place for reasons he had never fully explained. 

Harry left the sofa and went to their bedroom on silent footsteps. Downstairs he could hear Sev rummaging through the kitchen. Harry entered the room and touched the abandoned shirt in the laundry basket with his fingertips. A part of him warned Harry that his soulmate had not deserved this level of mistrust but the bigger part of Harry had been anxious and afraid since yesterday that something was wrong and in the end, it was that part that won. Harry lifted the shirt from the laundry pile and held it to his nose. Severus shirt smelled of his pine showering gel accompanied by the smell of pipe smoke, alcohol and the pungent scent of an aftershave he didn’t recognize. The smells painted the very clear picture that Severus had been at a bar. 

The guilt for spying on his husband battled with fury inside of Harry. Where had Severus been and why was he lying about it? It just didn’t make sense. Why would he go to a bar even before lunchtime? Sev enjoyed going out for a firewhiskey once in a while but not in the mornings. Sev was a creature of routine and habit. Why would he stop his brewing just to go out for some drinks in the morning? Harry knew that he missed some vital parts of information. The scattered bits and pieces he had now made him highly suspicious. 

A dark feeling nestled inside Harry’s soul, writhing like a snake. 

What if Severus had not deviated from his normal routine but kept one? Harry remembered a conversation late one night where his husband had talked about his past love life. He had once again promised Harry that he had never felt any romantic feelings towards his mother and told Harry how he would visit a wizard gay bar in regular intervals to meet wizards to still his bodily hunger. He had talked about how these encounters sometimes lead to one or several nights in another wizard’s bed and sometimes only meant a few short hours of pleasure stolen while he was away on errands like buying potion ingredients. 

Harry let the shirt slide from his shaking hands back onto the pile of laundry. He felt dizzy and let himself fall down on the bed, face buried among the soft pillows. 

What if Severus had gone back to that place to meet some unknown wizard? Someone who would actually allow him to have proper sex? Harry was not naive and their soulbond had made it very clear how frustrating it was for Severus not to be able to penetrate him. He had felt the other’s desire to own him burn through his soul and Harry had more than once tried to give into that silent plea. But every time he had been forced to stop Severus, sometimes with two fingers buried inside himself and sometimes with Severus cock already pushed halfway in. No matter how aroused Harry was there came always a point when pure fear overtook him and he couldn’t stand to continue and they needed to stop. Severus had suggested that they could switch positions but Harry’s inexperience and nerves had not yet permitted him to act on that offer. So that's why they were caught in that circle of burning desire and arousal that never fully found an outlet. Maybe Severus had just gotten tired of waiting?  
After a while, Harry could hear his husband calling for him and then footsteps approaching. The bed dipped down and Severus touched his shoulder gently.

“Haven’t you had any lunch, love? Do you want me to prepare something for you?” Severus inquired but Harry just shook his head and stayed silent. He just couldn’t trust his voice not to break right now. 

“Are you alright, Harry?” Severus sounded concerned and suddenly Harry felt Severus soul connect to his, reaching out to find out what was bothering him. Even though Harry longed for nothing more than to connect his mind and soul to his husband to get affirmation that he was just imagining things and that they were ok he put his shields up immediately. 

The older male didn’t comment on the inactiveness of their bond just as Harry hadn’t yesterday but he leaned down and placed a feathery kiss on Harry’s temple. Harry didn’t respond to the kiss but he didn’t draw back either and after a while Severus joined him in bed, embracing him from behind. Severus’ hair tickled his neck and despite his raging thoughts, Harry could feel himself relax in his husband's familiar embrace. 

“I love you, Harry. With all my heart. Please, never doubt that.” Severus whispered, sending shivers down Harry’s spine. Sev sounded serious and heart-broken. 

Harry hated this, he hated not being able to talk to his husband about his fear and felt guilty for mistrusting him the way he did. Logically, Harry knew that he was overreacting and that everything that had him so confused probably had a simple explanation. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask, too afraid that he wouldn’t like the answer. The shame clawed at Harry’s soul, shame for yearning to be close to his soulmate and feel him inside of him the way it was supposed to be but yet not be able to fulfill that desire because of his trauma. Harry had never felt more ugly than right then, accepting his husband’s embrace while his traitorous mind constantly whispered that he couldn’t blame his soulmate if he sought out pleasure elsewhere because he simply couldn’t manage to provide any. 

They had rested on the bed for hours before Severus went downstairs to prepare a light dinner. Harry ate his mushroom soup and tuna sandwich in silence, glancing at his husband’s stoic expression once in a while. 

“I almost forgot, the headmaster Floo called yesterday morning to ask when we would be ready to go back to Hogwarts. He also said that you would be needing some books for the upcoming classes and other necessities. He told me that he would be running errands in Diagon Alley tomorrow and he suggested that you could join him. Sounds like a good idea to me, unless you have other plans for tomorrow?” Severus inquired and took a bite of his sandwich, silently munching while waiting for Harry’s answer. 

“But I thought we would go shopping together, maybe find something for our chambers at Hogwarts as well?” Harry asked confused at the suggestion. 

“Sweet Merlin, I really don’t need another trip to the city. This one today had me exhausted, I hate running errands,” Severus shook his head like Harry’s suggestion had been simply ridiculous. 

“Oh, really, you seemed pretty happy when you arrived home,” Harry countered with more venom in his voice than intended. But Severus didn’t rise to the bait and just shrugged Harry’s words off.

Harry became more pissed off at his husband's behavior by the minute. The sadness inside of him getting replaced by anger for the way Sev had treated him the past two days. Nothing but lies and distance and now he was about to assign Harry to Dumbledore like he was a boring task and not his soulmate. 

“You know what, Severus, I really don’t care. Do whatever the fuck you want,” Harry couldn’t help but raise his voice as he slammed down his spoon into his bowl. 

“Really mature, Harry. Throwing a temper tantrum because I don’t want to go shopping?” Severus rose his eyebrows, his voice condescending.

Harry looked at his husband with tears welling up in his eyes. He looked at him and all he saw and heard was the man he had known for so many years. The man who made students cry in his classes and treated Harry like he was an annoyance. Harry bit his lips so hard that it only took seconds before the coppery taste of blood invaded his senses. Without another word he turned around and left the kitchen, running up the stairs. He paused outside their bedroom but didn’t enter it, instead he opened the door to the guest room he had occupied when he first arrived. With a sigh, he locked the door behind him and curled up on the bed. Harry pressed his eyes shut and just wished they could go back to the happiness and joy they had experienced for the last couple of weeks. 

The next day Dumbledore awaited Harry in their living room with a big smile. Harry felt almost nauseous at the prospect of going shopping with the headmaster who for sure would have a thousand questions about how they were settling in into their new life together. Only three days ago Harry would have told him how happy they were and that they loved each other deeply. It still was true today that Harry loved Sev but he couldn’t help but wonder if the other was truly happy with his decision to bond himself to a scarred and insecure boy. After all, Severus hadn’t even made an attempt to talk to Harry after their fight. Harry had heard the others footsteps move past the guest room but he not once paused during his nightly routine. Harry had the impression that Severus might have been happy to get Harry out of his hair. The thought made Harry’s soul hurt. He longed to be close to his husband but Sev had only dismissed him with a short nod after greeting the headmaster. He said that he had potions to attend to and left both men alone to prepare for their trip.

When Dumbledore and Harry apparated away Severus buried his head in his hands, warm tears stinging in his eyes. The forlorn way Harry had looked at him broke his heart into a thousand pieces and he wanted nothing more than catch up with the two-man and embrace Harry. For the first time since he started making these plans, he wondered if he had made a grave mistake. 

Everything he had planned he had done out of love for his soulmate and the yearning to see him carefree and happy. After the silence from Harry’s friends had stretched several days and he could see the pain become greater in those green eyes for every day that passed Severus had taken matters into his own hands. He had written a heartfelt letter to both Hermione and Ron, explaining how he felt about Harry and asking them if they could forgive him for their animosities for Harry’s sake. He hadn’t expected an answer and was surprised when he got a letter from Hermione the same morning, thanking Severus for reaching out and explaining how Ron had been torturing himself for the way he had treated Harry when Harry first announced the news. Ron had felt protective of Harry but slowly he realized that Harry would only go through with this if he had the right reasons. Through the entire battle against Voldemort, Ron had trusted Harry’s instincts to help them survive and he realized that he couldn’t all of a sudden treat Harry like a lunatic. He had felt so bad for his behavior that he had asked Hermione not to answer to Harry’s letter yet until he worked up the nerve to ask for forgiveness. 

The enchanted parchment that Hermione had sent made it possible for Severus to answer directly to her, eventually coming up with the plan that they would surprise Harry with a bonding celebration party to show their support and willingness to all be part of their life. Dumbledore had loved the idea and together they came up with the plan of having Harry going on a shopping trip with the headmaster. In hindsight, Severus had never expected how difficult it would be to keep a secret from someone who you are constantly connected with. In the end, he had been forced to mute their bond even though he sensed how the action distressed Harry. It didn’t help that Hermione insisted that he had to pick the wedding cake and meet up with Ron at the Leaky Cauldron to talk about the details of their party. Harry’s suspiciousness when he had arrived home had been obvious and he couldn’t blame his husband from connecting dots to a very incorrect picture. However, he didn’t have the luxury to say anything because then he wouldn’t be able to keep the secret from seeping into their bond and alerting Harry. That's why he had stayed clear of the guest room, tossing and turning all night at the sadness almost assaulting his senses. Harry had muted their bond but he was still a Legilimens and he could tell how Harry’s thoughts grew more panicked and dark by the hour. 

Severus took a deep breath and told himself that worrying now didn’t help. All he could do was go through with their plan, surprise Harry and hopefully his husband would forgive him. Eventually, Severus left the kitchen to change into the clothes he had chosen for the party. Celebratory black robes lined with dark green silk, resembling Harry's eye color. Severus apparated to Hogwarts to check on the preparations for the party, it would only take a couple of hours until Harry arrived.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has followed this story! Every reader, comment and kudo has been greatly appreciated. Last but not least: a huge thanks to the worlds greatest beta Ash who helped me through the rough parts with this story. Without her this would never have been finished.

Harry looked at Dumbledore who contently plopped one of the blueberry drops in his mouth that they had acquired at Sugarplum’s sweet shop. Harry had bought some for Severus despite his suspicions. He couldn’t help it because he knew how much his husband loved these sweets.

After their detour to the sweet shop Dumbledore pointed at Flourish and Blotts, where Harry needed to get his reading material for the upcoming term. Harry took a deep breath before entering, anticipating meeting other Hogwarts’ students. He was just not in the mood for small talk but luckily the shop was nearly empty despite a few wizards browsing the shelves. Harry tipped his wand against the parchment containing his required reading and slowly the books he needed came flying and placed themselves neatly in the basket he was carrying. While Harry waited for Dumbledore, he wandered down the rows of shelves and let his eyes glide over small, innocent looking booklets and heavy books with foreign letters. 

Harry felt already exhausted despite the fact that they had only been to three places including Gringotts to retrieve money. Dumbledore had told him that he had business at Madame Pimpernelles and Harry really REALLY did not not want to know what that was about. Disgusting. 

When they excited the bookshop Dumbledore looked at Harry quizzically because he had answered every question directed at him reluctantly and somewhat curt. Harry hoped that Dumbledore thought that Harry was still pissed off because of their fight weeks ago. Harry just couldn’t bring himself to describe how happy he and Severus were when his heart ached at the thought of his distant husband keeping secrets from him. While Dumbledore headed down the alley to attend to his “business”- the thought made Harry still shudder- Harry decided to buy some new quills and parchment. He would need it soon enough. 

Time seemed as thick as molasses and Harry sighed several times while he waited for Dumbledore to return. He tried to push the thoughts of his husband meeting other wizards to the back of his mind but he felt restless and wanted to get back. Even if their relationship seemed unstable now it was unsettling being away from Severus. At home he would have at least the chance to talk to Sev to find out what's going on. But somehow Harry had the feeling that his husband wasn’t home either and his stomach dropped. Well, if Harry was right about his suspicions, Severus would be smart to use the time when Harry was trapped running errands with the old goat. 

Desperate tears welled up in his eyes and he repeatedly brushed them off, pretending to be window shopping to not attract any attention. He had no idea why he was so sure that his soulmate wasn’t home but he knew it without a shadow of a doubt: Probably their bond working its complicated magic. They had not yet fully understood the magic and possibilities that their bonding created, they learned new things about their connection every day. Harry was pretty sure that Sev had no idea that Harry could tell he had left their home. 

“Harry, there you are.” A hand on his shoulders startled Harry and he instinctively pulled back. Dumbledore looked guilty noticing Harry's reaction. 

“I have been looking for you,” he said softly and smiled at Harry who still had his back pressed against the glass window behind him, his heart racing. He hated being startled like that, especially when it involved someone touching him.

He smiled back at the headmaster nonetheless and apologized for wandering off. 

“If you have gotten everything you need I suggest we head back,” Dumbledore said and Harry answered with a relieved nod. He couldn’t wait to find out where Sev was and what was going on. But to do that he needed to get rid of Dumbledore first. 

Dumbledore took his hand and they apparated while Harry tried to keep his stomach under control. He had his eyes closed when they arrived at their destination and he didn’t open them immediately because of the familiar sick feeling in his stomach. He took a deep breath to steady himself when he was startled once again, this time by someone whispering. Harry opened his eyes and gaped at the scene greeting him. 

They weren’t at their house but in Severus’ chambers in Hogwarts. The room was filled with people.

As soon as he opened his eyes everyone was yelling “surprise”. Harry saw Hermione smile her brightest and warmest smile. Ron chewed nervously on his lips, holding a heart-shaped balloon that said “Just married”. Dobby bounced up and down on the sofa, shouting “Master Harry, Master Harry!” with such excitement it tightened Harry’s chest. Besides his closest friends there was also Neville, holding a extraordinarily beautiful bouquet of flowers and almost the whole Weasley family was there as well. Harry couldn’t believe his eyes when he spotted Draco, casually leaning on the wall under the Slytherin banner, a small smile tugging at his lips. McGonagall nodded at Harry, a serious expression covering her features. Luna was perched on the couch, smiling dreamily while twirling a lock of her hair. They were all there- everyone he cared about. 

Harry swallowed thickly in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay. He let his eyes wander, his heart racing as he noticed how Severus’ chambers had been transformed into a beautiful party location with floating candles, balloons, and heart-shaped rose petals on the floor. Harry finally lifted his eyes to look at his husband. He had tried to avoid the other’s eyes, unsure on how to meet Severus. He was so happy to see all of his friends so openly supporting their union but beneath that he still felt the burn of Severus’ lies and rejection. 

“What are you all doing here?” Harry finally managed to say in a broken voice. 

“Duh, Potter, smart as ever. Clearly, my Godfather has not bonded with you for your brains. I hope you have other qualities,” Draco sounded smug but Harry bestowed a thankful smile upon him. The insulting and yet funny comment was exactly what he needed to not break down in tears. 

“Draco!!” Both McGonagall and Severus said indignated but Ron giggled behind his hands which earned him a warning glance from Hermione. 

Severus and Harry’s eyes met and Harry felt his husband’s mind reaching out to him. Harry took a deep breath and let their minds and soul connect. In an instant Severus was just there, his presence inside his soul sent shivers down Harry’s back. Pictures materialized before his mind's eye, showing him the events that had led up to this moment. There was nothing hidden— Severus opened his mind completely. In return, Harry did the same and showed his husband how the actions of the past days had hurt him. Harry showed him the ugly dark place in his soul where the shame and disgust about his trauma lived. 

When they once again became aware of their surroundings everyone was staring at them in awe. Without them noticing Harry and Sev had approached each other and held hands. Harry looked down and noticed how their bodies glowed; silver and white strands of magic embracing them. Harry smiled at his husband who leaned down to place a chaste kiss on his lips. They would need to talk about everything that had happened but right now they had their bonding party to attend. 

Suddenly everyone clapped and cheered. As soon as Harry let go of Severus he was crushed in a several tight hugs, first Hermione and then Molly Weasley. Everyone murmured words of encouragement and congratulated them. Harry could not have imagined this kind of support in his wildest dreams. He had no idea what happened but he had an inkling that Hermione had a part in that.

Severus laughed at yet another cheeky comment from his Godson and embraced Draco shortly before he shook the hands of his colleagues. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched Harry embrace his friends with tears of joy gathering in the corner of his eyes. Despite everything that had gone wrong in keeping this party a secret, it had been totally worth it, seeing that look of sheer happiness on Harry’s face. Ron approached Severus tentatively with an insecure smile on his face. 

“Congratulations, Professor. I wish you a long, healthy, and joyful life together with Harry.” 

Severus nodded, feeling the same awkwardness that surely caused the other male to wring his hands. 

“Thank you, Mr. Weasley. I do appreciate your help in planning this gathering. That was really noble and selfless. You are a good friend to Harry and you will always be welcome in our home.” Severus extended his hand and smiled as Ron took it. 

“Yeah, well, we’ll see about that. Dunno if Harry is going to forgive me for being such an idiot.” Ron sighed and shifted from one foot to the other. 

“Mr. Weasley, I have an inkling that my husband will not judge you as harshly as you judge yourself.” 

Their conversation was interrupted by Hermione positively pushing Ron out of the way to get to Severus. Her eyes glowed and she look absolutely radiant. A fact that Ron had noticed as well, staring at his friend with wide eyes and red cheeks. Severus couldn’t help but chuckle at Ron’s expression. He was pretty sure that he once or twice had been guilty of mooning like that over his husband. A fact that nobody would ever know, maybe not even his husband. 

His thoughts were interrupted by laughter erupting from Harry. Of course, their minds were still connected and Harry, seemingly occupied with his Head of house, had been eavesdropping on Severus thoughts. Harry just winked at him before he once again seemed to focus his attention on the women in front of him. 

A couple of seconds later Severus was embraced by two surprisingly strong arms. Bushy hair tickled his cheek before he was released. 

“Professor, congratulations for you and Harry. You are such a wonderful couple. It’s lovely to see Harry so happy and carefree.” Hermione had stepped back and resumed her place next to Ron. 

“Thank you, Miss Granger. I already thanked Ron for his help in planning this gathering and I want to thank you as well. You helped me make Harry’s wish come true and I will be forever grateful for your generosity. I know we all haven’t always gotten along but I hope that we can change that in the future.” 

Severus folded his hands in an effort to hide his nervousness. He was still nervous that his husband’s friends wouldn’t approve of him. He knew how much they meant to Harry. 

“That’s in the past now. All that counts is that you make Harry happy. Because he deserves it after all he has been through,” Ron stated seriously, showing his mature side. 

“Yes, indeed, he does.” Severus turned around to make his way to the kitchen. Molly followed him and in a joined effort they let the giant wedding cake float into the living room.

“Holy shit, it’s huge,” Harry exclaimed which earned him laughter from his guests who had similar reactions when they saw the cake upon arrival. 

The cake was indeed extraordinary in size and design. An elegant golden lion sat tamely while a giant snake rested its head on the lions fiery red mane. A loving embrace of two creatures that couldn’t be more different and yet loved each other. The cake was decorated in green and silver ornaments as well as golden and red ones. The cake was beautiful and intriguing, with detailed artwork covering the frosting. 

Harry stepped forward to admire the cake’s beauty. Severus joined him and put his arms around Harry’s waist. Harry leaned his head against Severus’ shoulders and closed his eyes. It had only been two days but he had missed his husband. Now their souls were once again connected, their magic humming with their combined power. 

“Did you choose the cake?” Harry asked and intertwined his fingers with his husband’s longer ones. 

Severus nodded, his expression almost serious. Harry could tell that the older male still thought about Harry’s suspicions, the hurt and betrayal that keeping this party a secret had caused Harry squeezed Severus’ hand reassuringly to let him know that they would get through this together. 

“I wonder if it is as delicious as it is beautiful,” Harry said and scooped a generous amount of frosting on his index finger. 

“I am sure it is….” Severus got interrupted by sticky sweetness connecting with his lips. At first he opened his lips apprehensively, unsure about this very public display of intimacy. These thoughts were replaced by happiness as soon as his eyes connected with his husband’s glistening ones. Severus had been alone for so long that having someone so openly show their love for him made him feel excited and insecure all at the same time. But he fought his insecurities in favor for his husband’s wishes as he had done countless times already. If he could he would gather the stars from the sky to make Harry happy. 

The cake tasted indeed heavenly but their actions hadn’t gone unnoticed and their guests cheered again, some whistled and he heard some rude jokes from the corner where Draco and Ron were seated at the table playing a round of chess. Severus’ cheeks colored at the attention from their guests but Harry didn't seem to care. Instead he scooped up more frosting to taste the cake himself. He hummed in approval and turned around to ask who was up for some delicious chocolate cake. 

The party went on for many hours, everyone tasted the cake and agreed that Severus had made a great choice. Harry and Severus received gifts and more hugs (especially Harry). Severus was happy that his husband seemed so at ease with his friends that he was able to accept the physical closeness without problems. Draco held an improvised speech about his Godfather that had everyone howling with laughter. Ron matched it with an equally funny speech about Harry that turned emotional at the end. After that, the friends hugged for a long time and promised each other that they would always support each other even if they disagreed with the other’s choices sometimes. 

By nightfall all the guests had left after helping to restore their chambers to their usual tidy appearance. Harry had stored the leftover cake in the fridge and put all their gifts on the dining room table. They had decided to open them tomorrow, because Harry got more exhausted by the minute. The emotional turmoil as well as the exertion of a shopping trip followed by a long and intense party had taken its toll on Harry. While Severus leafed through the letters that had arrived in his absence, Harry wandered through their new home, getting reacquainted with the chambers he had found himself in after his nervous breakdown in the dark hallway all those weeks ago. 

Harry smiled as he entered the bedroom and noticed that Severus had gotten most of their things from Spinner’s End, as well as decorated the room to make Harry happy. Gone were the Slytherin banners and insignia, they were replaced by colorful artwork at the walls that matched the dark brown wallpaper beautifully. Plush rugs and a king-sized bed made the room look elegant and homely at the same time. The bed looked inviting and Harry stepped closer to let his fingertips glide over silky black sheets. Harry imagined that the sheets would feel wonderful against his naked skin and the yearning to finally lay down overwhelmed him. 

His husband had walked into the room on silent feet and embraced Harry lovingly from behind, placing several small kisses along his jawline. Severus’ presence inside of Harry’s soul was almost too intense in combination with his touches. Dark and possessive tendrils of pure lust swept through Harry, leaving him breathless. Severus’ desire mixed with his own until he couldn’t do anything but moan helplessly. Every touch made him ache for more until he felt like he was burning on the inside. Severus’ hands had sneaked under Harry’s shirt, making him shiver as cold air met heated skin. 

Harry’s nipples were already hard and sensitve nubs. The moment Sev rolled them between his fingers Harry keened. Harry's heart raced and he swallowed repeatedly when Severus rubbed his clothed erection against his backside. Severus lowered his lips to suck at Harry's pulsepoint while his hands wandered from Harry's chest, over his stomach to unbutton Harry's jeans with nimble fingers. The complete lack of magic in removing his clothes had him gasping for air. Severus’ fingertips touched Harry's erection tentatively after pulling down his jeans and boxers. 

Harry gritted his teeth in an effort not to hump Severus’ hand. His need for touch, closeness, and friction burned uncomfortable through his soul. His husband understood Harry's need without words with their souls still connected. Severus closed his hand around Harry's cock, jerking him a few times roughly. Harry almost doubled over because of the intense pleasure. 

Harry was aware that they should talk but right now he couldn’t focus on anything else than the raw desire to feel each other he shared with his husband. 

”On the bed, now,” Severus commanded in a low whisper. 

Harry obliged without hesitation and got rid of the rest of his clothes before he crawled onto cool sheets. Harry heard Sev mumble before his husband’s clothes vanished. Harry couldn’t help but stare at his soulmate. Unfortunately, Sev didn't give him time to indulge in the sight, joining Harry on the bed immediately. 

Sev leaned over Harry, his soft hair falling into Harry's face, tickling Harry’s ear as he whispered.

”You’re gonna fuck me tonight.” 

Harry’s breath hitched, his heart fluttered at the thought. Even though his mind was nervous his body very much agreed. 

”But I…” Harry stammered, unsure of how to explain his feelings. But his soulmate understood him once again, sealing Harry's lips with a passionate kiss. 

”Don't worry, we’ll do this together. I trust you, Harry, I just need you to trust yourself.” 

Severus’ words encouraged Harry to let go of his fear of inadequacy. He mapped his husband’s body with fingertips and his tongue. Severus moaned throately when Harry pressed one finger into him. Severus’ body felt tight and warm, astonishing Harry at how easy the other relaxed to grant him entrance. Severus’ eyes were closed and pleasure was written all over his features. The expression of lust-filled surrender tightened Harry’s chest. Complete trust radiated from his husband, distracting Harry for a while from his own desires. 

The trust Severus showed him felt so precious and delicate, Harry would never do anything to hurt his soulmate. Harry realized that Sev probably felt the same strong protectiveness the few times Harry had allowed him to finger him to an orgasm. The memory stirred up Harry's desire to be able to enjoy their intimacy like Sev did, without reservations. 

It didn’t take long until Harry had stretched Sev to accommodate three fingers. Sev had signaled that he was ready for Harry a while ago but Harry wanted to make sure not to hurt his soulmate. In truth, Harry needed a couple of minutes to steady his raging nerves. 

Severus cupped Harry’s cheek lovingly and stroke the pad of his thumb over Harry’s cheekbones. Severus could tell how this new form of intimacy overwhelmed Harry and had him on edge. With their souls still connected Sev was able to read Harry's thoughts without effort. He couldn’t help but smile at the sense of wonder Harry experienced when he finally pushed his lubed cock at Severus’ entrance. Severus made sure to relax fully to show Harry that he enjoyed this. The moment his husband entered him fully Severus moaned Harry's name in pure bliss. 

Harry exhaled as he pushed deeper, his muscles taut and teeth gritted. Severus could tell that Harry still was holding back and he murmured words of encouragement until his husband relaxed and began to move in earnest. Even though Severus preferred to top he completely enjoyed to be connected in body and soul to his husband. Harry's thrusts became more firm as he gained confidence in his own actions. Severus sank his teeth into his lower lip in an effort not to scream in pleasure. Harry hadn’t touched his cock since he had entered him and yet his cock was leaking precum in a steady trickle. 

Harry bent over suddenly, driving his cock deeper into Severus’ body, hitting his husband’s prostate. 

”Oh God, Harry!” Severus exclaimed when Harry started to lick the tip of his leaking cock. He had to close his eyes because watching Harry contently swallowing his precum was almost too much. Severus held onto his last shred of control, willing his pending orgasm to retreat. He didn't want this to end so soon. 

Harry relished the way his husband was losing control, so he deliberately sucked the head of Sev’s cock like a popsicle. His husband’s words became incoherent and his eyes widened when Harry gathered Sev’s precum with his tongue. He just loved tasting his soulmate like this.  
Harry rocked his hips back and forth, buried deep inside his soulmate. The tight heat engulfing his cock felt fantastic but somehow deep inside there was still this need that hadn't been appeased yet. 

It was confusing, raw and made his skin erupt in goosebumps. Harry didn't understand where this desire was coming from but he stopped moving altogether. Severus opened his eyes and Harry looked intently into the deep blackness. 

”Sev, this is gonna sound weird but I really need to feel you inside of me. Now,” Harry’s heart thundered in his chest as he voiced his thoughts and the primal instinct that had taken over his entire being. 

Severus brushed some strands of sweaty hair out of Harry's face before kissing him gently on the forehead. The gesture was intimate and reassuring. Harry thanked Merlin that Sev didn't ask if he was sure but just proceeded to pepper his face with delicate, breathy kisses. Harry closed his eyes and enjoyed their connection in soul and body. Before Harry could form a more coherent thought Severus’ longing to take him swept through him with such force that it took his breath away. For a couple of seconds the overwhelming emotions caused his hips to jerk forward in rough thrusts. Severus moaned in surprise and gripped the sheets beneath him to steady himself. Intense pleasure rolled through Harry, he had to stop if he didn't want to cum right there and then. 

But this wasn't what Harry wanted. It was Sev’s emotions causing Harry's body to react in confusion. Harry wanted to feel his husband deep inside, stretching him, filling him with his fingers and cock. Harry pulled back from his soulmate’s body, his own body simultaneously demanding he kept going and that he stop to experience that beautiful surrender that Severus was experiencing right now. 

The moment Harry pulled back Severus became greedy. He had enjoyed his husband making love to him but deep down he knew that this was not what their bond desire. His whole being ached with longing to possess his husband, to take him and make sweet love to him. He also acknowledged that darker part of his lust that wanted to fuck Harry into the mattress until he screamed his name. He acknowledged that the desire was there but he would never be anything but gentle and loving unless his soulmate specifically gave him permission to pursue these desires. 

Severus pushed Harry gently into the mattress after Harry had pulled out his cock, latching his mouth to one hard, pink nub. While he teased Harry's nipples with fingers and tongue Severus mused that his husband was brave. He had as well noticed that intense need in Harry’s soul to finally heal from his trauma, to move on and let his husband make love to him the way they both wanted. He wasn't sure if Harry would act on it, so many times he had already gone half way just to pull back in the last second. This time however there was a new confidence in Harry which gave Severus hope that they would be able to overcome Harry's fears together this time. 

Severus magically coated his fingers with lube, a smug smile crossing his features. He just knew how much Harry loved his fingers inside of him, the moments he could be free of memories and fear. Severus intended on making this a slow, sweet torture. Harry's body tensed at first when the first finger breached him but then Sev could feel Harry’s fear getting swept away by pure lust as he moved his finger. Harry gripped Sev’s shoulders tightly, probably leaving bruises but Severus didn’t care. He felt how much his husband wanted this, an intense longing deep in Harry’s soul. It was time for him to heal from the torture he had experienced. Severus planned on replacing every bad memory with a loving one. 

In the few times Harry had allowed him to do this Sev had mapped out his husband’s reactions to his fingers and mouth. He knew exactly how to stretch Harry slowly, scissoring his fingers to bring Harry to the edge of pleasurable pain. The art was to keep Harry tethering at that cliff only seconds before his orgasm would hit him, making it impossible for his husband to think or fear anything. The process was slow and torturing, in the end Harry begged for release but Severus stopped the movements of his fingers, giving Harry the opportunity to calm down. 

Severus used that moment when time seemed to stop, the only thing that was heard was Harry's elaborate breathing. Severus’ own erection caused him to press his lower body into the sheets, desperate for friction. He almost came hearing his husband beg for more fingers and screamed his name as he complayed. Harry's hole was stretched and relaxed around his fingers and Sev knew that Harry would be able to take his cock now. He did not ask for confirmation again but pressed his lubed cock against Harry's hole after removing his fingers. Harry's eyes were screwed shut and his fingers grabbed the sheets underneath him. Severus paused one moment to lean forward and whisper how much he loved Harry. Harry just moaned in response, too far gone to express himself in words. 

Harry’s panting stopped and he held his breath while his husband entered him. He willed his body to relax and concentrated on the feeling of being filled and taken by the one person he loved more than life itself. He wanted to surrender to his husband, giving up all reservations and control. He longed for healing and connection. Finally, with their bodies and minds connected he was able to let go of the fear and shame. Harry realized that this was an act of love, a precious treasure and had nothing to do with the things his uncle had done to him. As his soulmate moved inside of him Harry concentrated on the love and magic flooding their bond. He could tell that Severus was holding back, his thrusts shallow and gentle. 

”Please, Sev, I am fine. Please just make love to me.” Harry stammered, yearning to feel his soulmate deeper and more intense. Severus obliged with a grunt, moving his hips more forcefully and angling his cock to hit Harry's prostate. Harry’s mouth opened in a silent scream, his eyes wide and heart hammering in his chest. 

Harry could tell when Severus let go of the last shred of control and just pushed into him. Harry closed his eyes and let go of everything as well. Every thought was washed away by pure pleasure. It took only a couple of seconds when Severus started to jerk his cock in sync with his thrusts until Harry came all over his stomach. 

”God, God, God” Harry whispered as Sev coated Harry’s insides with his release. 

They both stayed immobile for several long minutes, their limbs intertwined and their sweaty skin connected. When Severus pulled back the loss was both physical and mental. He embraced Harry lovingly after removing himself from Harry's body. 

”You are so brave. I am proud of you, love,” Severus whispered, carding his fingers through Harry's tousled hair. 

”This was incredible. To feel you like that. I needed that. You know I thought I was about to lose you.” Harry rubbed his eyes, fighting back the stinging tears that welled up at the thought of the past days. 

”I know and I am so sorry. I would have never thought that keeping this party a secret would hurt you that much. It was never my intention to hurt you, I just wanted to surprise you,” Severus stroked Harry’s back lovingly. His fingertips tracing the outlines of Harry’s spine and came to rest on the small of his back. 

”I guess that I just couldn’t deal with the feeling that you were keeping secrets from me. I felt so ashamed for not giving you what you needed and that shame made me jump to conclusions. That was not fair.” Harry sighed, admitting that he had judged his husband prematurely without checking for facts. 

”It’s ok, love. I understand why you felt that way. But I want you to know that what you said isn’t the truth. You are the only person who has ever given me all I need. Sure, I won’t deny that I longed to make you mine and connect our bodies but I would have lived happily with you even if we would have never been able to do this. Because I love you, all of you, even all the hidden and dark corners of your soul. Same as you love mine.” Severus closed his eyes when Harry rested his head on his chest. Their eyes were getting heavy and exhaustion was finally creeping up on them. 

The week after the party was busy with preparations for the upcoming term. Severus received a list of all the classes he would be teaching alongside with the names of all the students. Harry met with his friends and decided which classes to take. He watched Severus prepare for his classes and was astonished how much work his soulmate put into his teaching. They also found the time to decorate their chambers some more and usually spent the evenings having dinner and talking about the events of the day. After that they proceeded to read for each other before retreating to bed. They spent the nights in each other’s arms, sometimes only cuddling and sometimes finding well needed release. To let Severus make love to him still needed time for preparations and setting the right mode. However, this only made the occasions more precious. 

The morning before the first day of term Harry went in and out of their chambers nervously. He conferred with Hermione twice on how he should tell the other students that he was bonded to one of the most hated teachers. Harry had dropped his new quill and ink when he tried to pack everything he would need. Finally Severus couldn’t watch it anymore and hugged Harry tightly without a single word. It took a whole minute until Harry relaxed and Severus broke the embrace to look in his soulmates eyes. They had already put their shields up as previously discussed but Severus could tell that it bothered Harry. They hadn’t used their shields since the surprise party, content in being connected with each other at all times. 

”Harry, please slow down for a bit. Why are you so distressed?” Severus kissed his husband’s nose and squeezed Harry’s hands reassuringly. 

”Well, it is not easy, you know. I mean for you it is, all the other professors knew about us since the party but I have to explain to fucking everybody what has changed and they are going to ask prying questions.” Harry bit his lips to get his raging emotions under control. He was upset but this was not his husband’s fault. He just sometimes wished that things were easy. 

”I am sure rumour has already spread at least amongst your classmates. I don’t believe that Draco kept his under wraps, do you?” Severus rose one eyebrow and it caused Harry to chuckle despite himself. 

”Probably. But still, there will be so many who don’t know and will find it weird that I am not in the dorms and…” 

Severus interrupted Harry by placing one elegant long finger against Harry’s lips. 

”You know that you can sleep in the dorms if it is what you want. I will miss you but I want you to be happy.” Severus had lost the playfulness in his tone. He had never expected this day to be easy but he was worried. The day hadn’t even started yet and Harry was already near an anxious breakdown. Sev could read the signs by now. 

Harry just shook his head in desperation. Living in the dorms was not what he wanted. What he wanted was to attend school without having his private life dissected by everyone. 

”Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you, Harry? I understand that I am in a somewhat easier position given my role.” Severus folded his arms and waited for Harry’s answer.

Harry didn’t reply for long minutes and when he finally lifted his head he had tears in his eyes. 

”Just love me. That’s enough. It always is. I will get through this with you by my side, even if it won’t be easy to explain this to everyone.” 

Severus leaned forward and embraced Harry once more.

”Maybe there is a way to avoid all the questions and explaining. Just trust me, ok?” Harry looked quizzically at his husband but chose to nod instead of asking questions. He had learned by now that his soulmate always thought four steps ahead and sometimes it was just easier to go with the flow than ask questions or trying to understand. 

It took another hour until they were ready for breakfast and left their chambers for the great hall. Severus wore his teaching robes and Harry couldn’t help himself but moon a little over his soulmate. Had he really never noticed how deadly gorgeous the older male looked in those billowing robes? Thoughts about the previous night distracted Harry from his nervousness. Severus had made slow and gentle love to him until Harry somehow couldn’t stand it anymore and had begged his husband to fuck him hard. Severus had of course obliged to Harry’s wishes and in the end Severus had come all over Harry's face while Harry tried to catch his soulmates seed with his mouth. Before those thoughts could cause his body to react they were at the doors to the great hall and Harry swallowed nervously. The doors where already closed, they were way too late. 

Severus just smiled at him mischievously and opened the door. Hundreds of students turned their heads as they entered the great hall. Harry spotted several raised eyebrows from the other teachers. Harry kept his head down and walked hastily to the Gryffindor bench where his friends already waved at him. Severus kept an even step but before Harry could take his seat he stopped him by taking his elbow. 

Severus leaned down slightly, hot breath against Harry’s ear.

”Trust me, remember,” he whispered before putting his arms around Harry and kissed him lovingly on the mouth. Harry gasped in shock but his muscle memory caused him to melt into the familiar embrace and return the passionate kiss. Severus broke the kiss right before it stopped being PG-13. 

”Have a wonderful day, my sweet love. I will see you tonight.” Severus said loudly, before he turned around and approached the teacher’s table. Before he reached the teacher’s table the gryffindors cheered and applauded, showing support for their relationship. He was sure that Ron had known how Harry felt about his first day back and rallied support. 

By the look of pure embarrassment and murder in Harry’s eyes Severus was pretty sure he would have much to explain tonight. The thought made him smile and chuckle lightly as he took his own seat. 

The new first year students looked at the professor in the black robes with the bright smile and hoped that they would get him as a teacher. He seemed so approachable and friendly. They had heard that Hogwarts’ teachers could be strict but somehow they knew that this teacher who so openly showed affection to another person in front of anyone would be one they could trust.

THE END


End file.
